“What can I do when my mother tries to push her design taste on me by continually buying items for my home that SHE likes, but I hate?
It is driving me crazy! — Design Secure”
Dear Secure:
Uhhh, tell her you don’t like those things? Shot in the dark here…
“My office hired a new employee two months ago that I’m very attracted to.
We have become great friends and enjoy the other’s company greatly.
I’ve never been so drawn to someone. I feel like a lovesick kid! I think about him all the time and find reasons to be around him, such as running errands with him or going out to lunch together. The problem is that he has a girlfriend, but I don’t know how serious it is because he’s never shown me a picture of her or mentioned her name.
I’ve tried to tell myself to get over him and move on, but my affections grow stronger every day. He’s everything I’ve been looking for in a romantic partner and we have such a strong connection. I’ve kept my attraction for him hidden because I don’t want to make him feel awkward, but it’s getting harder to do. What should I do? — Heartsick”
Dear Heartsick:
“She hardly ever thought of him. He had worn a place for himself in some corner of her heart, as a sea shell, always boring against the rock, might do. The making of the place had been her pain. But now the shell was safely in the rock. It was lodged, and ground no longer.”
– T.H. White The Once and Future King
Your situation reminds me of a time in my collegiate life when I would go down to the front desk when a certain girl was working there and get trash bags for my room. By month’s end I had a surplus of bags and nothing to fill them with, a date with her included.
Unrequited love is a fool’s errand. A door that can only be walked through one way. But you don’t know where the door is.
It sucks.
I once had a thing for a co-worker and we got along well and she seemed as genuinely interested in me as I was in her. She mentioned, in passing, that she had dated some people but never truly gave the impression that she was seeing anyone. So one day, as the day was drawing to a close I saw her and decided that I would ask her out. I did. It turns out she had a boyfriend, but hey, at least I tried. You owe yourself that much. Ask him if he’d like to see you outside of work. The worst thing he can do is confirm your suspicions.
“I am a baby boomer with one old college friend. We were very close once and are still friends on Facebook. I have not seen her for 10 years.
On Facebook she sounds not exactly senile but a little crazy. She has poor health and I see online that one of the drugs she takes can cause delusions and symptoms of dementia.
She was once a brilliant woman. But her posts are mostly political rants or fan worship for her favorite pop star.
I am traveling to her city soon. Part of me wants to see her — for old times’ sake. Part of me thinks I will be depressed and horrified to see her now. I know from the death of my parents how hard it is to erase negative images of someone from my mind.
I guess I am writing to ask for permission not to visit her. Or as one of her oldest friends — should I visit her?
I loved her once but I am not sure I would like her now. — Sad to See”
Dear Sad:
You don’t have to see her if you don’t want to. It’s that simple.
But maybe you should.
You might have answered your own question when you mentioned your parents. You want to remember them as they were but you need to be with them as they go so that they know you cared. Perhaps you should make a quick trip and see your friend. You might not get another chance.
*My question to you though is: How do you know what drugs she’s taking? Is she posting them on Facebook or are you super nosy? Also, if she’s a baby boomer who’s here favorite pop star? Half of The Beatles are dead. Madonna is a shade of her former self. And I highly doubt she’s a Tay-Sway super fan so her pop star posts are intriguing to me.*
John Kidde Writes 