Monthly Archives: January 2015

21/01/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Puzzling Situation Is Trivial

“I work at a city department with about 20 employees. Our office receives two different newspapers every day and they are put in our lunch/break room for the staff to share. Recently someone has been taking the page with the crossword puzzle and not allowing others to enjoy it.

The problem is that other daily printings are located on the same page and I love reading them daily.

What is the proper protocol for communal newspapers? Should any one person fill out the crossword puzzles or take portions of the paper out of the break room? — Puzzled Reader”

Dear Puzzled:

As someone who does the crossword attempts the crossword every morning I feel your pain. As someone who is just reading this as is, I am left thinking that the communal newspapers are first-come-first-served. This is spilled milk you’re crying over here, in all honesty. It’s a puzzle. Your “outrage” is similar to how I can feel when I sit down in an airplane, open their in-flight magazine, and find the crossword has already been done. Then again, I always bring a crossword puzzle book with me in case that happens.

I am sure that you can find the daily puzzle and the other articles online and print it out OR you can help save a dying industry (print media) and subscribe to the paper yourself! It really sounds like it’s just you who is bothered by the disappearing puzzle. If it annoys you that you can’t do the puzzle or read the articles, then you can photocopy the crossword page as soon as the paper arrives and have at it.

 

 

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20/01/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Smug Alert!

“I have a friend of about 40 years who has an expensive electric sports car. When he visits me, he parks it in the driveway blocking my wife and son from moving their cars and, most annoying, he insists on plugging into our electricity to recharge his car.

I did some research and it appears that a recharge costs about $5 or $6 in electricity. I find it very annoying. Would he expect to pay for the gas that I consume to drive to his house? Why should I pay for the electricity for his drive to my house?

Can you suggest a nice way to tell him to park his car in the street and to pay for the electricity to run his car? I have tried to tell him to park on the street, but he doesn’t seem to get the message. — All Charged Up”

Dear Charged:

People who drive electric or hybrid cars tend to think they are sooooooo much better than the rest of us. It’s awful.

There’s a simple solution here that you’re not seeing: just put one car at the very end of your driveway, just before you hit the sidewalk or street. That will effectively tell him to stop parking in your driveway … in a passive aggressive way.

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20/01/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Upset The Established Order And Everything Becomes Chaos

“My fiancee and I have been arguing about a party her mother hosts annually just after the holidays. This gathering is called “The Letter Reading Party.” Guests bring their favorite letters/holiday cards from “friends” who update “friends” with what’s new in their lives. Topics range from children to siblings, parents, family pet, work, etc.

A roomful of people laugh hysterically at other people’s letters — the font size, stationery choice and, most significantly, contents of the letter.

I find this entire party repulsive. I admire and respect many of the people in the room who double over in laughter. My future mother-in-law insists it’s a great reason to get together. However, I think I know how the authors would feel if they knew their personal lives were being trivialized and mocked so openly by one of their “friends.”

Should I continue my crusade to stop this irreverent party on the heels of the feel-good holiday season? — Irreverent and Irritated”

Dear Irritated:

I don’t always condone this but I am going to make an exception this time.

I want you to invoke your inner Joker. Heath Ledger Joker that is.

Take their little plan and turn it on itself.

I want you to take one, scratch that – MANY, of their cards to the party and read them aloud in front of them. Disguise it in a way so it looks like someone else’s card and then read their card aloud. Laugh sadistically as you read their words of holiday cheer aloud. Give them a taste of their own medicine. The only way these people will understand the gravity of what they are doing is by shoving it right down their throats.

“[You’re] not a monster. [You’re] just ahead of the curve.”

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20/01/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Daddy Needs To Take A Step Back

“My husband and I have been married for six years. We have a 3-year-old daughter. We both work full time.

Lately I have been feeling like we never make time for mommy and daddy time. I would love a date night, but my husband is always making me feel bad when I ask someone to watch our daughter and when we do go out he says how much he misses her. Is it wrong to want a night alone with my hubby?

–Mommy Who Needs Daddy Time”

Dear Mommy:

You definitely need some time alone.

You don’t want her to grow up and be a “Daddy’s Girl”. You know, one of those annoying girls who calls her father “Daddy” long after it’s appropriate (basically once she hits double digits). Those girls are undateable and annoying, but I said that already. Or, she’ll resent her father and harbor ill feelings toward him and her treatment of her and then end up using her body as a weapon by joining the world of adult film. Those girls can be successful but it depends on the angle…and their plastic surgeon.

It’s a tricky tightrope to walk but if he doesn’t walk it then one of those two things will happen. I guarantee it…sort of.

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17/01/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Can I graduate? Can I look in faces that I meet? Can I get my punk ass off the street?

“I finish my college program at the end of this month. I plan to move out of my parents’ house in June. I’ve looked up a few places nearby and have done some research. It’s exciting! The only thing I fret about is that my parents will try to hold me home another year or more and I really don’t want to live at home anymore.

My plan is to be out before my 23rd birthday. I’ll start saving up money so by June I’ll have at least $1,000. How can I do what I want to do — not what they want me to do? — Almost Graduate”

Dear Graduate:

Third Eye Blind posed this question nearly 20 years ago: “Can I graduate?” Clearly you can, but you also need to graduate from living with your parents. You can also “get your punk ass off the street” while you’re at it.

You seem eager and ready to tackle the world, which is cool, but I hope you’ve done enough research to know if you’ll need more than $1,000. Because you most likely will need more than that amount. Don’t risk being in financial hardship just because you want to move away from your parents. It’s not worth it. Make a plan, save more than what you think will need and then execute that plan. There’s nothing sweeter than when a plan comes together.

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