Monthly Archives: July 2018

31/07/2018
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Advice

Dear John: Brother Needs To Take A Pregnant Pause Before Delivering News

Would it be rude to announce my wife’s pregnancy before her sister’s wedding next week? Do I need to wait until afterward, or is good news always welcome?

— GOOD NEWS IN THE MIDWEST

Dear Good News,

Yes, it would be rude. Don’t do it.

Before my sister got married I found out that I was accepted into an internship in South Africa, leaving a a week after her wedding. I didn’t tell her, or anyone besides my mom, until after the wedding because I didn’t want people to find out and focus their attention on me and what I was going to be doing.

I also didn’t tell anyone else in my family until I sent them an email when I boarded the plane to Johannesburg. It was fun to check my email 13+ hours later and see dozens of replies and forwards with some variation of “What!?!?”

You can wait until after your sister’s wedding to tell your friends and family that your wife is pregnant.

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27/07/2018
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Advice

Dear John: Mom Needs To Take A Big Rip From The Grav And Chill

I have a dilemma. My daughter, who is 22, confided in me that one of her best friends from high school smokes pot.

My daughter does not hang out with her because they attend different colleges.

I was very close to this girl when she was growing up. She was at my house all the time. Her mom and I are still very good friends.

My daughter says to stay out of it and to not tell her mom.

I was very disappointed to hear this about my daughter’s friend. I’m not sure what I should do. What do you think? Should I tell the mother what the daughter is doing?

— Worried

Dear Worried,

It. Is. None. Of. Your. Business.

This young woman is an adult. An adult who is not your daughter. It is that simple.

Furthermore, you fail to mention what state you live in. Are you aware that marijuana use is becoming more acceptable and is legal in some states? Because it is.

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24/07/2018
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Advice

Dear John: Parents Want ETA, Son Is MIA And For Good Reason

My 47-year-old son is employed at a prestigious university. His position involves a considerable amount of travel.

Over the years, he always emailed us his travel plans along with flight information. Lately, he tells us when and where he is going but omits the flight, hotel information, etc. When we ask, our requests are ignored. When we tell him we think it’s irresponsible for him not to share this information, his response is, “My secretary has the information if there are any problems.”

We always give our children our travel information, flights, hotels, etc. when we travel. Our question is, are we out of line for wanting this information from him? — LOVING PARENTS IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

Dear Loving Parents,

Your ADULT son is just that; an adult. I would understand if it were flight info and hotel info for when he was traveling to or from your home but not just for random trips. He probably wants some privacy and doesn’t want and, frankly, he doesn’t need to share any of his trip information with you. You are out of line for wanting this info from him when he has told you that he won’t be providing that information to you.

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23/07/2018
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Advice

Dear John: Family Would Turn Vacation Into Trip From Hell

“Charlotte” and I have been friends for 16 years, ever since we met in college. She lives several states away, so we see each other only once a year when she and her family come to town for a long weekend. Beyond this annual get-together, we never chat on the phone, and communication is pretty much limited to social media.

I have known Charlotte’s (now) husband for 16 years as well, and never cared for him. When they became engaged, none of our friends thought she would actually marry him. He seems to get worse every time I see him, and it has reached the point that I can barely stand to be in the same room with him.

Unfortunately, Charlotte’s kids take after their dad. They are spoiled, nasty, mean children and a bad influence on my young son. Charlotte and her family were in town for their annual visit recently. Afterward I told my husband I didn’t enjoy it and dread the next one.

Charlotte’s husband has now suggested they tag along on our next family vacation! It would ruin our trip. I don’t want to go on vacation if they come with us. Charlotte is still as sweet and lovely as ever, but I do not want to see her husband or children again. What should I do? — HANGING ON FOR NOW

Dear Hanging On,

“What should I do?”??? You tell them “No.”

It’s your vacation. Your time. Your trip. You decide if you want someone else there with you. You rarely see these people so it wouldn’t hurt if you said that this was your vacation and not theirs.

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22/07/2018
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Advice

Dear John: Extended Family Takes Advantage Of Open-Door Policy

I have three sisters-in-law. I have been a part of their family for 15 years. We all get along (for the most part).

Recently, my husband and I purchased a home. We have an open-door policy for people to come and use our pool. We also host family gatherings.

At our latest gathering, I noticed two of his sisters wearing my clothes. One volunteered: “We were wet from the pool, and found these in your dryer.” I was assured that I would get the clothes back that night, but they were never returned to me.

Last weekend there was a birthday party. They made off with some towels.

I went to their home, and found a blanket that was given to me by my mother being used as a curtain in one of their bedrooms.

One sister asked me if she could borrow a shirt, and I obliged. She wore neither of the two options that I lent her, and has not returned them.

I prefer not to be confrontational. I know this is petty because at the end of the day, those things do not really matter. I feel frustrated because people are violating my kindness and my space.

People come over knowing that they’re going swimming. Is it my responsibility to provide them with clothing and towels?

– Put Upon

Dear Put Upon,

Step one: Get your shit back. Whether it is behind their back or directly confronting them (which sounds like it might not be your favorite option), get it back. They are taking advantage of your hospitality.

Step two: Close your open door and set rules for when people come over to use your pool. You can still be hospitable but be firm with your guests and let them know that you have towels to use but it’s best that they bring their own. As far as the clothing, that’s on the guest. You’re not a department store carrying multiple sizes and looks of clothes. Screw them and make them bring their own clothes!

Whenever I go over to a friend’s house to swim I always bring my own towel and clothes to change in to. What is wrong with these idiots??? Ah, yeah, they’re idiots.

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