Monthly Archives: September 2015

30/09/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – One Ring To Rule Them All?

“My husband and I have been arguing about this for the past year.

I picked out my engagement ring and wedding band before my husband ever asked me to marry him. I love my rings and there is absolutely nothing wrong with them.

While my mom was going through cancer treatments she gave me her wedding set (the diamond is a very old family diamond). I asked my husband if we could get the diamond put into a new setting and wear the new ring with my original wedding band instead of my engagement ring. I was honored that my mom entrusted me with her wedding set (since my parents are still married) and since the diamond is a family diamond I would love to be able to wear it instead of hiding it away in a jewelry box.

I believe that by still wearing my wedding band with the new ring it is a good compromise. I’ll be wearing what my husband put on my finger when we got married as well as wearing an old family stone.

My husband thinks that because I asked to do this that I don’t like my rings anymore or that they don’t mean anything to me. — Ringed Out”

Dear Ringed:

The ring is yours. Your own. Your precious.

Take a gander at that Boromir quote above. “It is a strange fate that we should suffer so much fear and doubt over so small a thing.” Never has that been more accurate outside of the Lord of the Rings books & movies than now. You are suffering with your husband over such a small thing that surely there can be a compromise.

Perhaps you can combine the two engagement rings and create something that is part old family and your new family. Bridge the two new families into an infinite circle that you would wear daily.

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29/09/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Follow-Up To Being Excluded

“I have a story like “Torn’s,” whose best friend excluded Torn’s wife from a party invitation.

When we were dating, my husband introduced me to his best friend and the friend’s wife. He told them we were serious and would likely marry. The wife then issued several party invitations to my then-boyfriend, specifically excluding me. Regardless of whatever reasons she had for her behavior, we were a couple and expected to be treated as such. We did not attend the parties (and the friendship soon ended). — B”

Dear B:

I approve. This behavior is not something that should be tolerated and to nip it in the bud, sometimes, the “friendship” must end.

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28/09/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Living Alone But Not Lonely

“I’m having some difficulties with my siblings. Recently I’ve moved into my own place. I love it.

The problem is that because I live alone, my siblings believe that I’m somehow lonely. They keep trying to get me to go on blind dates with people they know, and saying stuff like, “You should meet this guy, he’s great.” Or, “How can you spend so much time by yourself? When are you going to have kids? You’ll make a great mom.”

I’ve been turning them down so often that some of them have shifted to, “You should meet this girl I know,” which is even more annoying because I’m straight.

The thing of it is, my parents got divorced when I was a preteen and ever since then, I took care of other people — my younger siblings, my older sibling’s children, and a parent who was ill.

For the first time in my life, the only person I have to take care of is me, and I’m in no rush to change that. Does that seem selfish? — Solitary and Happy Sister”

Dear Sister:

Selfish? Nah. You seem content and happy with who you are. In turn, people who are happy in relationships – your siblings perhaps – feel the need to impose their version of happiness onto you. In their eyes if you are not experiencing the same happiness as them, then you are not happy – ergo they keep trying to set you up on dates and meet people. It’s annoying but they are only looking out for you and want you to be happy.

Tell them what you just told me. You are cherishing this newfound solitude and want to enjoy it before rushing into anything.

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27/09/2015
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“Jaw With John” – Best Friend Code Violated? I Think So!

“Last year I introduced my long-time best friend and her husband to my new next-door neighbors. All of us got together as couples. Right afterward I found out that my best friend and her husband invited my new neighbors to dinner. She never mentioned to me that she would like to get to know them better.

Best Friend has also visited the next-door neighbors, bringing a bottle of wine. I found out after the fact from the new neighbor.

This secrecy has made me distrustful and somewhat confused and hurt by the actions of my old friend. I have always been an open book with my closest friends, but she’s not like that. She tends to blow off any concerns I express and act like it’s not a big deal. I’ve overlooked small (and some big) slights in the past, but this neighbor thing (on top of other things) has changed my feelings about our friendship.

Am I being overly sensitive or did she break the “best friend code” by pursuing a friendship with my new next-door neighbors/friends without even mentioning it to me? — Disturbed”

Dear Disturbed:

It seems like she poached your neighbor/friend. That’s definitely a no-no in the Best Friend Code book.

The fact that Best Friend is meeting up with the neighbor in secret (you finding out after-the-fact would make it a secret) is troublesome. She could have easily said that she wanted to get to know her better and filled you in on it, but she chose cloak and dagger. That’s revealing.

Maybe she’s tired of hanging around with you all of the time and now she has some variety in her friendship circle. Maybe she figures that you two already live next door and must see each other all of the time so she feels that this isn’t a big deal. Whatever the case may be, you should bring it up with Best Friend. Camping out by the blinds to catch a glimpse of her going next door and then catching her red handed isn’t the way to do it…or maybe…

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27/09/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Nothing Worse Than Adult Bullies

“It seems (more and more) that people are forgetting boundaries and simple manners. There seems to be a sense that their own entitlement makes them believe that they are allowed to confront a mother as she is purchasing groceries via the WIC program. Or shame a person who while they don’t appear to be disabled, still requires the use of a handicap tag and parking space.

Oh — and then there is the gem of, “You really shouldn’t be eating that.”

What does one say to intervene in the least confrontational way possible? Or is the answer to mind your own business? — Want to Intervene”

Dear Want:

It’s in situations like this where I stare glaringly at people to show my disapproval with their words.

I also find that people who are gung-ho organic or vegan or vegetarian try and force you to change your ways because you eat meat. Spouting out things like “Eating meat is worse for the drought because they have to give the water to the cows.” And I look and go “Yet they also use the water to water the plants that you eat, so what should we eat? Everything needs water!” OK, I’ll be honest, I don’t really say that I just think it. So I avoid the confrontation because they cannot be talked to rationally.

The best thing to do is to be positive. Those people belittling the mother or the handicapped person have no manners. They need to put others down to prop themselves up. This is just another form of bullying and to show that it’s not tolerated comfort the person who is being attacked and let them know it’s OK. Don’t sink to the aggressor’s level and berate them because people like that cannot be reasoned with.

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