Monthly Archives: January 2015

“Jaw With John” – Here’s A Tip: Your Husband Is a Cheapskate

My husband feels that I am overly generous when I leave a 20 percent tip for satisfactory service and up to 25 percent for extraordinary service. He insists that 15 percent is always a respectable amount to tip servers.

We are even farther apart when it comes to tipping valets, housekeeping or drivers.

I have tried to persuade him with travel guides that contain tipping practices, discussion about the income levels of those in service fields, and noting the merits of the individual’s performance.

I often resort to picking up the check myself or leaving extra money behind to make up for the difference but feel bad about going behind my husband’s back on this issue. Advice? –Former Server

Dear Server:

Who is your Husband? Mr. Pink?

I’ve never been a food server, but I’ve worked in an environment where tips were HUGE in terms of their impact, not necessarily in terms of their amount. With that in mind, I always tend to be more generous when I tip at restaurants and similar places. Unless the service is downright awful, I still tip.

Tell him to imagine being a server: working hard, busting his ass for someone he doesn’t know and may never see ever again. He’s sweating, running back and forth, making sure everything is just right for that customer. He’s been polite, catered to this customer and even went the extra mile to make sure that they had a pleasant time and enjoyed their food.

Now, when that check comes and the guest has paid up and left he goes back to the table to find a dollar or two, or maybe there’s nothing at all. He checks the credit card receipt to see if they left something there. Nada, or maybe there’s some paltry amount that is the equivalent to spitting in his face for the amount of work he just did. Maybe then he’ll change his tune on tipping. If he doesn’t, then keep doing what you’re doing and tip behind his back. **

**Unless you’re in a country that doesn’t tip, for example: Australia, Argentina, Japan, or New Zealand.

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“Jaw With John” – Write or Die

For my whole life, my mother has instilled in me the importance of handwritten thank-you notes. Suddenly she is saying it’s OK to email thank-yous to some people.

I’m very confused! What is the best etiquette for me and my children regarding thank-yous?

— Thanking You, Too!

Dear Thanking:

The art of the hand-written thank-you is dying. It is still the considered the “best etiquette” to send a hand-written note or card but kids these days want things done and they want them done now. In certain situations the quick e-mail or text is appropriate and in others, the personal note is more appropriate. It really goes by a case-by-case basis. Gift from grandma – write a note. Flowers from your significant other – text them a photo with you and the flowers. Use your best judgement.

If anything, make your kids write notes to work on their penmanship! Lord knows that with the technological take over, handwriting is starting to all look like chicken scratch. Trust me, I’ve seen some shitty shitty handwriting from adults and young adults. Then they comment on my handwriting and how good it looks and I look at it and go “This? Really? This is OK.” The standard is quite low now. Which means the only place to go is up!

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“Jaw With John” – You’re Not Vince Vaughn or Owen Wilson

Is it ever OK to attend a wedding ceremony if you’re not invited?

My daughter is a bridesmaid in the wedding of her best friend — both are now independent and live in distant places but the wedding will be in their hometown in the local church.

I have known this girl forever and we have always had a lovely “friend’s mom” relationship. The wedding celebration will be small and I’m not in the least put out by not being included on the guest list. I’m friendly with her parents (invited to graduations, discussed various issues, etc.) but we’re not friends in a social way.

However, I would love to go to the wedding itself. Is there any acceptable way to do this, or ask to do this? –Wedding Crasher

Dear Crasher:

No.

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“Jaw With John” – Now Dasher, Now Dancer, Prancer and Vixen, On Vomit, On Cupid…Wait, what?

My family drove six hours to visit family members over Christmas.

Upon arrival, we were informed that one of their children had been ill with the stomach bug since the day before.

We ended up spending the holiday with their entire family (including three kids, both parents and a grandparent) sick and running to the bathroom. Once home, all three of my children got the stomach bug. My wife and I will get it soon, no doubt.

Is it wrong of me to be extremely upset with the family we visited for not notifying us immediately when their first child fell ill so WE could decide if we should visit? I feel it was disrespectful to keep that information from us. Once when one of ours was sick we called to let them know and they chose to postpone their visit.

Obviously, if sickness unexpectedly befalls after arrival, it’s bad luck. However, I feel as though we are all now unnecessarily suffering due to their selfish desire not to miss out on a Christmas visit.

Any advice? — Furious Dad

Dear Furious:

I am sure that the family thought that the bug might just be a 24-hour thing and that’s why they failed to inform you the day before. Having said that, they most definitely could’ve told you somewhere along the 6-hour trip over there – hopefully on the outset and not within the last hour – that way you could’ve planned accordingly. Ultimately, this shit happens ALL THE TIME. There is no use getting furious over it. Accept it, drink some fluids, rest, make a few trips to the can and you’ll be feeling like a champ in no time!

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“Jaw With John” – Friends With Daughter’s Ex? Sounds Like A Movie I Know…

My 21-year-old daughter broke up with her boyfriend of four years, “Bradley,” about six months ago. It was the right decision for her and she has moved on.

From what my daughter tells me, he was devastated. Bradley is a hardworking young man who put himself through college and has plans to continue his education. My husband and I offered guidance to him when he was with our daughter, as his family was not able to. He was like a son to us.

My husband and I are grieving! Bradley spent countless hours in our home. He was part of our family.

We have seen him once since the breakup and have exchanged a couple of short emails.

In hindsight, I realize we should not have allowed ourselves to get so attached.

Knowing this situation, what are your thoughts on us staying in touch with him? My head tells me that we should not, but my heart says otherwise. — Saddened Parent

Dear Saddened:

This LITERALLY sounds like one of the plot points from Meet The Parents. You guys are the Robert DeNiro, Blythe Danner couple and this ex-boyfriend is Owen Wilson. You will need to be careful how this friendship develops and how you cultivate it around your daughter, just like in the movie – although that was under entirely different, and fictional, circumstances. Because if you’re not careful, the next think you know you’ll be carving a beech tree and palling around making your daughters new boyfriend uncomfortable because he’s a male nurse and that’s funny because he’s a man in a predominantly woman’s profession even though there are plenty of male nurses in the world…

OK, be honest with your daughter about this friendship and she will be honest with you. Otherwise you’re close to becoming the plot of a movie that came out 15 years ago.

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