“My sister (in her early 40s) was diagnosed with cancer.
They caught it early, so it’s still at an early stage. We in the family all found out about this a few weeks ago.
I have messaged her and her husband a few times since then to chitchat, but never asked them about the cancer.
I feel like if they want to talk about it or need my help, I will be there. It is understood by everyone in my family that we will help each other if asked.
My sister and I haven’t spoken for a week, and I found out from my other sister that my brother-in-law called me rude and not supportive because I didn’t offer to help.
I have two young children, and the younger one was constantly sick. I also work full time and am dealing with a dying father-in-law.
I don’t have the memory capacity or time to follow up on them all the time. Was I being rude? — Hurt”
Dear Hurt:
I don’t want to say you were rude but……..you screwed up.
You were trying to be tact and it ended up coming across like you didn’t care when it’s quite the opposite. I believe what you were trying to do was to take your sister’s mind off her recent bad news by talking about other things but she clearly didn’t want to hear about such nonsense. She wanted to hear you express your love and support for her in this trying time.
Call your sister back and tell her that you are behind her 100% because she needs you, and the rest of her family, now more than ever.
John Kidde Writes 