Monthly Archives: August 2015

22/08/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Clothing Not Always Optional

“I’m a godmother to a wonderful 7-year-old girl. Her mother is my best friend of 20 years. She is an excellent mom. I do not have any children.

Recently the three of us and a group of girlfriends celebrated a “ladies weekend getaway.”

When we got to our destination, I overheard my goddaughter ask her mom if she was going to “get drunk.” My heart broke a little.

Later I was getting ready to join everybody in the pool, when the child came running to me, hysterically crying that her “mama was taking her clothes off.”

I peeked out the window and sure enough her mom was topless. Honestly, it’s not that big a deal among the adults, and not so much out of character for my best friend, but her daughter was freaked out. I told her that Mom was being silly and that she should talk to her about her worries. She said she couldn’t because she would get in trouble. She didn’t want to return to the pool and so I stayed inside with her.

Her mother came in about 20 minutes later. She told her daughter she was disappointed in her and that nude bodies were nothing to be ashamed of. (What was upsetting to the girl was seeing her mom drunk, removing her swimsuit and behaving foolishly.)

I chimed in (bad idea?), saying I couldn’t stand seeing this young girl be silenced about something that was bothering her.

My best friend said, “I’m trying to teach her that nudity is not shameful. She’s very dramatic and freaks out about everything.” I replied, “You should have an internal barometer about what’s minor and major in regards to her ‘freak-outs.’ “

She basically told me when I have kids of my own and am a perfect mother I should talk to her then.

I understand this logic, but I felt like I had a responsibility to my goddaughter.

Did I overreact? Did I do the right thing? What do you think? — Godmother”

Dear Godmother:

If this is how she behaves around her own daughter – drunk and partially nude – then I don’t think she’s an “excellent mom”. She can set a better example regarding nudity without being drunk THEN maybe her message will get across. Right now there is a huge negative connotation with it.

You were right to chime in and speak up for the child because she felt afraid to do so.

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19/08/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Single But Not Alone

“I am a single senior male, divorced for over 40 years. NO I’m not gay. NO I don’t hate women. NO I’m not abusive to anyone or frightening to children and puppies.

I am happy and healthy being single. I have many friends, and I am not lonely. When I meet people and the subject of being single for a long time comes up, the usual response is, “I’m so sorry. Don’t give up, you will meet someone.”

My life has been, and is, very fulfilling. I’d like to respond by saying, “I’m so sorry for you. Maybe someday you will be a whole person with a whole life — rather than half of something.”

That would be rude, but do you have any answers for a response? — Happy Singleton”

Dear Singleton:

Have you ever tried saying “I’m happy being single”? There’s no reason to be rude here. But I’ll admit, it can be a bit demeaning to hear people say “You’ll meet someone”, over and over again.

If that happens, be like Jay-Z and brush that dirt off your shoulder and respond that you are comfortable being single.

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19/08/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Marilynsanity

“My uncle’s wife, “Marilyn,” is very difficult. She invites herself to other peoples’ Facebook accounts, tells humiliating stories about others and keeps tabs on other people’s private information.

She has been passive-aggressively taunting me for being single after my very difficult breakup with a girlfriend. I have not been in a stable relationship since my breakup, but both of my younger brothers have significant others, and Marilyn throws this in my face. She has also done this to those who have lost spouses and are still grieving, upsetting them deeply.

Marilyn even invited my ex-girlfriend to a private family gathering where she didn’t belong. My ex attended and was provocatively dressed (I feel just to embarrass me), and was revealing her reputation for shameless promiscuity.

My uncle can’t control Marilyn’s behavior. This type of harassment even got her slapped with a no-contact order by a family member, which she was clearly asking for.

How do I make it clear that I do not appreciate this type of humiliation and disrespect without resorting to such legal restraint? — Alienated Nephew”

Dear Nephew:

Your Aunt sounds like a bitch. A bitch who wants nothing more than to stir up controversy and see how others react with no regards to their feelings. AKA a psychopath.

When I think of your aunt I’m reminded of what Alfred said when he was describing The Joker in The Dark Knight: “Because some [wo]men aren’t looking for anything logical, like money. They can’t be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with. Some [wo]men just want to watch the world burn.”

When it comes to Facebook you can block, unfollow, or simply unfriend your aunt so she can’t see what you’re up to anymore and limit who can see your information, posts, etc. It is also possible to delete her posts. If you want to be passive aggressive right back to her you could do that. You seem averse to talking to her directly. So, beyond telling your aunt freeze bitch, there’s not much else you can do here.

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17/08/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Call Him, Maybe?

“My boyfriend and I are leaving soon to go to different colleges. Our universities are three hours away from each other.

The thing is — I am scared!

I trust him, but he cannot communicate well. I know it sounds childish but when he takes a really long time to answer texts, I worry about how a long-distance relationship will work.

Sometimes he takes hours to text me back, unless I end my text with a question mark.

I love him and he loves me. We have talked about our future and I can see having a future with him, but what should I do?

I do not want to be upset and I do not want to break up, but if he never listens to how serious I am when it comes to communication, do you think I should move on?

Please help me. — College Girl”

Dear College Girl:

Here’s a novel idea: CALL HIM!! I know it’s generally frowned upon by today’s youth, but that’s what those machines were originally built for … if you didn’t know.

Or, since you already know how to get a response from him, you could just end every single text with a question mark. Thus prompting him to respond. But he doesn’t seem that dumb to need a question mark to respond quickly since he’s bound to have responded to other messages without that punctuation. Or is he…?

In any event, long-distance relationships rarely work out – especially when it comes to college. Even though you are a mere three hours away it will feel like a lifetime. If it’s this hard to get him to respond when you are still in the same zip code, then imagine that compounded with the challenges of college and whatever else life brings. Instead of hours, you could be waiting days for a response. And that’s no bueno.

I’m not telling you to break things off with him over a few delayed text responses, but, college is tough enough without having to worry about a boy who doesn’t respond in a timely manner. So, like I said: CALL HIM! And if that doesn’t work, give him a taste of his own medicine and delay responding to him, but make sure you turn off the “read receipt” before you do.

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15/08/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – A Ride Home? Or Someplace Else???

“My partner and I have been dating for a year. We’re in love, but over time the frequency and irrationality of his jealousy seem to have increased — or so I think.

Yesterday after work (I’m a substitute teacher) a male co-worker I had just met offered me a lift home — over an hour away. I naively thought it was a friendly gesture. Quite soon into the ride he suggested we stop for a drink. I quickly asserted that I am in a committed relationship with a fabulous guy.

At the end of the journey he insisted I take his phone number and, not wanting to be rude, I obliged. I had no intention of contacting him.

As soon as I saw my partner I told him the whole thing because it was so awkward. Out of left field he went into a jealous rage. He insisted I had not considered his feelings and accused me of not putting him first because I didn’t call and tell him who I was with as soon as I got into the car.

I told him he was being overly jealous and has no reason not to trust me. He insists it’s my responsibility to reassure him, since he assumes the worst.

Is my partner justified in his anger? Was I wrong to accept a lift and neglect to call him?

I love him dearly and want us to work, but not at the expense of my sanity.

Am I completely crazy? — Stressed Partner”

Dear Stressed:

Your partner is highly possessive of you. That’s a bad sign. If he flips out over a ride home – which you immediately told him about when you got home because it was so awkward – then maybe you need to think about if you should be with him long term.

You weren’t wrong to accept the ride since you needed one, but a simple text of “Hey Jason, I’m getting a ride home with Brad who teaches at the school here. I’ll see you in a bit!” would’ve sufficed. Remember that for next time. Your partner should be mad at your co-worker since you told him you were in a relationship and yet he still gave you his number. That’s shady.

 

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