Monthly Archives: September 2015

“Jaw With John” – Oversharing At It’s Finest

I recently responded to a friend’s Facebook post. She had posted a picture from her past. I commented on how nice it was to see the photo and what great memories it brought back.

She then responded to my post with a cringe-worthy comment, asking if I remembered a certain night with “so and so.”

I do remember those days well. They are buried deep — just where I want them. My family (kids, husband, other relatives, etc.) see these responses.

I have no intentions of sharing stories of youthful indiscretions with the aforementioned FB friend. I just wish everyone would be mindful of comments made beyond “nice picture” or “brings back memories.”

I’m sure I’ll catch a lot of heat from readers, but I want to keep my past to myself.

What do you think? — What’s Past is Past

Dear Past:

I think you have a point here. Obviously there are certain things you don’t want aired out and yet your friend treated the reply button as a personal message between the two of you. It’s oversharing. Social networks are littered with oversharing. It sometimes makes you want to go all Eduardo Saverin on the computer and slam it on the table.

Here’s what you can do: 1) Ignore it and move on. 2) Delete your original response so people seeing the responses won’t know she’s talking to or about you (unless she wrote your name/tagged you in the post). 3) Message her directly and say “Listen Linda, please don’t bring up my tryst with Todd from ages ago. I would prefer my kids and husband to not see or know about this part of my past.”

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“Jaw With John” – Grandma Been Drinkin’ Na Naaaaaa

I need your help with a very sensitive situation with my in-laws. My mother-in-law drinks too much at family functions. We recently celebrated my son’s first birthday party (her first grandchild) and she (again) had too much to drink. She was slurring her words, wobbly on her feet and was having uncomfortable conversations with our other guests.

When my wife confronted her about her behavior (at the party), she became defensive and immediately responded that my wife is too judgmental. She used profanity at my wife and said she was never coming to our house again. She also began to act like a teenager and stomped up the stairs and slammed doors, etc. We are concerned for her safety as well as the safety of our son.

This has been a pattern for her over the past 15-plus years. I am only just coming into this situation within the last four years since marrying my wife. It seems to be a cycle where these situations occur, my mother-in-law backs off drinking for a few months and then she starts back up again.

How can we address this issue without having her feel like we are having an intervention or attacking her?

When she is not drinking she is the best mother-in-law and grandmother in the world. She is very helpful and always goes above and beyond for the family. — Concerned Son-In-Law

Dear Son-in-Law:

What kind of response did you expect from a drunk person? Of course she’s going to throw a tantrum, call you names and swear at you! That’s what drunk people do when they get defensive! There’s no point in trying to talk to them.

You answered your own question. When she’s sober, she’s great. Ergo, talk to her about her behavior then and bring up your concerns.

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“Jaw With John” – Out Of Town Family Treats Host Family Like a B&B

We have family members who like to stay with us every time they are in town. They live about five hours away. Typically when they come to stay, most of our other family members (who live only an hour away) will come to stay too.

We love that our young kids get to see their cousins, but it is a lot of work! This last time, we were informed just days beforehand that 10 people would be spending the weekend with us. We decided to send out an email telling everyone to help with a meal since it gets expensive for us (we’re a young family!) and it is hard to cook eight meals for 18 people!

The relatives who live five hours away have told us twice now that they won’t be bringing anything or could maybe bring water or chips. They have a family of five so it would be nice for them to contribute (since we are doing everything else). Am I wrong in still expecting them to bring a meal to share? I don’t think packing a cooler is that hard! — Exasperated

Dear Exasperated:

You made a reasonable request and were met with people who are unwilling to lend a hand. Chips? Water? Really? This is stupid. Are they the family from Little Miss Sunshine and don’t have time to pick up stuff along the way because they have to get their daughter to a beauty pageant? Didn’t think so.

If they are so disinclined to contribute then maybe you should suggest they stay elsewhere. If not now, then for future trips. You’re not a B&B.

They do realize that they can buy groceries and such THERE, right? They don’t have to haul them 5 hours to your home. There is a Safeway, Trader Joe’s or a Kroger in damn near every city. It’s not hard to pick up some stuff. You’re already doing enough by housing them and feeding every. single. one of them. The least they could do is prepare, serve and clean up one damn meal.

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“Jaw With John” – She’s Unreasonable AND Hates Harry Potter…Yikes

My husband’s sister-in-law’s posts on Facebook are extremely offensive, insulting and aggressive, often personally directed at those who do not agree with her. She is bigoted, mean and always angry.

After multiple gentle attempts to explain how her words made her sound, I eventually “unfriended” and blocked her. I am not alone in our family in doing so. She now pointedly snubs me and these others at family gatherings. As she was always unpredictable and occasionally offensive in person as well, I feel no loss, but my husband is uncomfortable and wants me to “make up” with her.

This is a woman who has called me a “witch” for allowing my kids contact with Harry Potter books/movies, says my gay friends are inhabited by “familial demons,” accuses my daughter’s Muslim employer of being a terrorist, proudly calls herself an anarchist, says she is ready to shoot anyone who is not “on her side of the fence” with her gun (she really has one) and so on.

If anyone actually tries to engage with her, she will spam them with emails and text messages. I believe she may be mentally ill. My husband says, regardless, “family is family.”

When we have visited his brother and her in the past, he would go off with his brother and have a nice time, leaving me alone with this nut job to walk on proverbial eggshells. Since the Facebook incident, and her ensuing snub, I am relieved to be unburdened of the connection. I have told my husband he is welcome to visit his long-suffering brother solo. Am I being unreasonable? — Free at Last

Dear Free:

Muggles. Am I right????

You’re perfectly within your right here. Now it’s time for you to step back, and away, from her. If she is that important to your husband then he can go and spend time with her. You’ve done your part and frankly, the people who think that exposing a child to Harry Potter is a bad thing deserve zero in return. That’s asinine.

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