John Kidde Writes

According to my ancestry DNA, I am 31% England & Northwestern European descent. Until December 2024, I had never been to the “homeland,” as it were.

After an early-morning flight to IAH, Houston Intercontinental, we loaded up for our roughly nine-hour flight to LHR, London Heathrow. I hadn’t flown East out of the United States since 2013 when I flew to Johannesburg. Before that, it was 2004 when I went to Spain with my high school. Every other time has been westward, ho! Needless to say, Europe, in general, has been calling my name as of late. What better place to start anew than where most of my DNA comes from?

Overall, the Basic Economy experience from IAH to LHR was not that bad. The seats were decent, and since I can sleep anywhere, I was cool. I mean “anywhere,” too. I’ve fallen asleep in a theatre, on the bus, on a boat, watching a musical, by the pool, and at the circus. Yes, the circus. Basic Economy seating did not stop my sleep train! My partner, on the other hand, did not fare so well. She had it rough. On top of the basic seat, a woman in front of her had one too many cocktails in the terminal and on board, and she was pretty loud. I hate to say it, but I missed it.

After our long flight and suspect breakfast (seriously, the person who makes these menus needs to 86 the eggs; they’re nasty, aka I don’t eat eggs nor do I like them, so I think they’re better off in the trash or mixed in a baked good) we landed in London. Will I be throwing in “U’s” from here on out to make everything more British? Maybe.

My partner said this was the most straightforward customs line she had ever experienced at LHR. It took us maybe five minutes. I spent longer in the bathroom after leaving the plane than I did in customs. Sidebar: why the squares? I was pulling TP out like face tissues one square at a time. This was the week before Christmas, and I was surprised to see the customs line so short and manageable.

After navigating the welcoming crowds beyond customs, we went down the lifts (there it is, UK energy!) and found the bus to the rental car facility. The fine folks at the rental car agency helped us out, got us in our car, and we were on our way!

I have had minimal driving time on the left side of the road. My only experience was when we visited New Zealand for the Women’s World Cup in 2023. Beyond that, I have driven solely on the right side of the road. My partner managed most of our driving early on (stay tuned for when I took the wheel!) because she has the most experience driving on the left side and in the UK.

Let me tell you, I have been to the Joe Biden rest stop in Delaware, and it’s glorious. They have it all there. The “Services,” as they’re known in the UK, make the Joe Biden rest stop look like a side-of-the-road public toilet by comparison. I’m not joking. There is a Marks & Spencer, a McDonald’s, showers, banking services, and even a greengrocer! I was floored. I had been told that service centers throughout Britain were top-notch, and I was still blown away.

We stocked up on as many snacks as possible during our first stop. There is a bevy of flavour combinations for crisps, biscuits, and sweets that I had never even heard of, nor would I have tried to create. (I say “create” as if I own a test kitchen for snacks…haha) A few of our selections ranged from curry and chicken crisps to jaffa cake to Turkish delight. I will blame The Chronicles of Narnia for making me try Turkish delight. Never again.

Overall, the Brits have a solid snack game. Fair play to them.

Getting back on the road, we made our way North of London and toward our destination: Liverpoool.

With snacks in hand and bag, we drove. I use “we” like I actually did something. My partner drove, and I was the navigator and snack dispenser—two positions I do not take lightly. I love directions, and I love snacks.

Having said all of that, we eventually made our way to Liverpool.

The reason for driving that far north was simple, and it involved my favourite football team, Everton. More on my allegiance to The Toffees will be in the next installment of this series. But, once we arrived in the city proper and put our bags down at our accommodation, we set out on foot to find some real food and not just crisps and biscuits.

Before my visit, many people had told me about the Christmas Markets that populate towns across the country. I had no idea what to expect, but my senses were assaulted in the best possible way.

The damp walkways were filled with people and vendors selling what we in the States would equate to carnival food. It was mainly fried stuff, and the (mostly) teenagers behind the counters, manning the fryers and grills, were pumping out quick-service food. Next to the food were the games and stuffed animal stands. Did I think about partaking in one of the games where one would have to kick a football into a net to win an Everton or Liverpool shirt? I did. I then remembered the last time I properly kicked a football was almost a decade ago. Best not to make an arse of myself on day one, yeah? Yeah. Then there were the beer vendors. Did we have a pint or two? Of course!

After properly stuffing ourselves with food and bev, we took in the people around us. The atmosphere in the tent where we sat was extremely lively. The music was loud, and the laughs and conversations were even more deafening. Young and old people were enjoying the music and the drinks. We watched as groups of people danced and sang to ABBA, Robbie Williams (who I admit I was not too familiar with, and I apologize, I’m a legit fan now), The Spice Girls, and The Killers, to name a few.

Once the tent thinned out, the atmosphere became a little less boisterous, and we were ready to finally get some real sleep. Driving all day and flying across the Atlantic Ocean wiped us out when all was said and done. Plus, the following day was a big one! Everton vs. Chelsea…