Author Archives: johnkiddewrites

Dear John: Mom Has Discovered The “Internship Wall”

My son, a junior in college, is trying to get a summer job. His degree is challenging, and he has a good work ethic plus job experience. Because he hasn’t had much luck applying online, I have been calling local businesses to see what’s available while he’s working hard at school.

A problem I’m encountering is something I never had to deal with in my own job search. It’s companies asking if he wants an internship. They say they can’t pay him to train him. Can you explain the basis of this response?

— WANTS TO KNOW IN PENNSYLVANIA

Dear Wants To Know,

They want free labor in exchange for “experience”. Sometimes this can lead to a full-time position. The other times it becomes just a line on a resume.

As I search for a more permanent job, I have found myself banging into the “Internship Wall”. I find a position I think I could do, that’s not listed as an internship, and as I read through the job description I get to the end where it says that there is no salary. I hate it! And the jobs that are deemed “introductory” require 3-5 years experience. How…? What…? It’s very frustrating!

One thing I think you need to do is put down the phone and let your son do the talking. If you find a company, forward it on to him and let him make the first introduction. There is nothing worse than having someone’s mom call and say that her Little Timmy needs a job. You gotta let him do it on his own.

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Dear John: Daughter’s Birthday Demands Kill Happy Mood

My 30-year-old daughter has extremely high expectations for her birthday. No one in the family has ever given her a gift that she liked, so now we actually have to get the gift approved by her husband first!

She doesn’t like gift cards, and our budget is small. Although she barely acknowledges anyone else’s birthday, she still expects the “perfect” present for her own. We love her and want to celebrate with her, but the expectations and confrontations make her birthdays miserable for everyone — including her. How do we stop this?

— BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION

Dear Birthday,

… You stop it by not celebrating with her? Maybe?

JK, you clearly love her but now it’s at the point where it’s just inducing stress and misery.

You know, she’s acting like Dudley Dursley on his birthday. He wasn’t pleased that there weren’t more presents than the previous year which causes Vernon to say that they’ll get one at the zoo to make up for it. Needless to say, their bending to his whim and coddling of him didn’t turn Dudley into a proper human being.

Don’t be the Dursley’s.

Don’t give in to her demands of getting the “perfect present.” The very fact that you are getting her anything should be celebrated. Maybe the time has come to celebrate the day with a nice dinner out at a restaurant of her choosing and that would be it. That’s a wrap on the presents.

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Dear John: Co-Worker Lends Wedding Dress, Friend Doesn’t Lend Invite To Wedding, WTF

My co-worker and supposed friend asked if she could borrow my wedding dress because she thought it was so beautiful. I was thrilled to lend it to her and paid for the alterations ($200 plus) as her wedding present. I accompanied her to her fittings and helped her plan her wedding for approximately 100 friends and family.

The kicker: My husband and I were not invited to the wedding, and when she returned my gown, it had lipstick on it and cake down the front. It wasn’t even in a bag — she just handed it to me. What should I think about this?

— FLABBERGASTED IN FLORIDA

Dear Flabbergasted,

I like that you’re flabbergasted because I’m dumbfounded.

How should you think about this? Well, for starters, you now know that your “friend” was only using you and is really a trashy person. I mean, you’re in Florida so what did you really expect? The other thing you should think about is that the dress you so lovingly loaned will now have to be cleaned. When it is cleaned, give that bill right to your “friend” and tell her she owes you.

Then, prepare to distance yourself from said “friend” so that she can’t abuse your kindness anymore.

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Dear John: Coworkers Don’t Pull Weight In Potluck

This may seem minor in the scheme of things, but it’s driving me crazy. Occasionally we have a potluck day at work. The problem is, while there are always people who eat, others never bring food to share. It’s usually the men in our office — those who hold higher positions and make far more money than the rest of us. They are also the ones who eat the most. They go back for seconds before the rest of us have eaten. If they do occasionally bring anything, it’s usually a bag of chips.

I’m tired of paying for their lunches when they are more than capable of providing something — takeout from a deli or even asking their wives to help. I’m also tired of going to get my lunch and discovering most of the food is already gone. I would welcome your advice or any tips your readers may have.

— FED UP IN DES MOINES

Dear Fed Up,

This isn’t minor. This is a crime against food.

This reminds me of when I participated in a Secret Santa while I was in college. Nearly everyone involved put some thought into their gifts. Even when one was a joke gift, the effort put into the presentation and the actual gift itself was worthy of the gift exchange. But there was one person who clearly went to the campus mini mart that day and bought a giant package of orange Tic Tacs. They’re the best Tic Tac, obviously, but it was that there was so little thought (or that they just forgot about it altogether) that really irked me and others.

What I am getting at is that there needs to be more organization and accountability.

I would start with some sort of itemized list of what one will bring to the potluck. We do this every year for my Friendsgiving. I am tasked with bringing a salad, someone else brings dessert, etc. If you don’t want to deal with assigning specific food I recommend that you print out a sign-up sheet and have slots for dessert, appetizers, meat entree, salad, etc. Do this coupled with stating that in order to actually partake in the potluck, you will need to bring an item on that list. Do that and institute a “no seconds” rule until everyone has gone through the line once.

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Dear John: Pervy Guy Needs To Be In A Permanent Child’s Pose

What’s the deal with adolescent girls and young women wearing extremely tight and form-fitting yoga/workout pants? Last week, while I was leaving a smoothie shop, I held the door open for a young lady whose pants were so tight I could easily see the outline of her private area.

Yesterday, while I was waiting for my drink at a coffee place, a girl in her early teens walked in wearing similar attire. She was with her dad. In this situation I blame him. No father should allow his daughter to wear an outfit in public that leaves nothing to the imagination. These kinds of pants are designed for the gym, and that should be it. Your opinion?

— CONSERVATIVE GUY IN FLORIDA

Dear Guy,

Perhaps these young ladies have just come from a workout or yoga class. Did you ever think of that?

You also sound a little pervy, Guy in Florida.

Adjust your gaze if their choice of outerwear offends you because they are wearing something that makes them comfortable and they are comfortable wearing it in public. They are not going to change just because you don’t like what they are wearing; nor should they.

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