Author Archives: johnkiddewrites

Dear John: A Free Room With No View, And You’re Complaining?

What do you do if your friends have graciously given you several nights free at a lovely beach hotel, but your room faces a huge wall covered by a black tarp — a construction site? We’ve been told that no other rooms are available. — ROOM WITH NO VIEW

Dear Room,

You suck it up. You were given a FREE ROOM. F – R – E – E, free.

Also, isn’t the point of vacation to actually go somewhere and not spend it at the hotel the entire time? Get out, lather up with SPF 50, and enjoy the beach and the free room.

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Dear John: Mom’s Fears Are Like Riding A Bike

**After a long hiatus for some reason – most likely boredom – I have decided to return to the advice game but with a little re-branding. Instead of being called Jaw With Jaw I have decide to go with the more traditional Dear John. Yes, it’s cheesy, I know. But it also gets the point across of what I am replying to at times. You will still be able to search for the keyword Jaw With John but know that I have now called my column Dear John.**

I need advice about my son. He has started doing bicycle training with a coach and some other cyclists, and he likes it a lot. But I continually hear about accidents with bicycles, and every time he goes, I am frightened for him.

My husband was a cyclist for many years, and he encourages him. I want to do the same, but fear stops me. What must I do? I pray every time he goes and surrender him to God. Is this the right way? — FEARFUL IN NICOSIA, CYPRUS

Dear Fearful:

All you can do is pray. Unless you want to follow him out there and take up cycling yourself!

But in all honesty, this isn’t the Tour de France. And most of the cyclists I come in contact with – not literal contact! I have not hit a cyclist with my car before! – are very vocal (and really, they’re a-holes: they rarely stop at stop signs, the ride much faster than the actual road speed limit, they take up full lanes when they’re not supposed to, etc etc etc) so if something should happen, I think the other cyclists with him will be there to help out. They will also prepare him for riding on his own and guide him on what to do – as can your husband. So relax, mom!

Just make sure he wears a helmet!

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“Jaw With John” – Husband Should Listen to Pavement: Cut Your Hair

“My 63-year-old husband refuses to cut his hair. It is gray and thinning and is now longer than mine. Even when it’s clean it looks dirty.

I was raised to take pride in my appearance. If I say anything about it, he thinks it’s funny, or the other extreme, that I am picking on him. He’s not a rock star or a young lad. Please help. — NEAT AND CLEAN IN CALIFORNIA

Dear Neat and Clean,

He’s 63? OK, then you probably only need to wait a few more years before nature takes care of the “problem” itself. Otherwise, you’re stuck with it. He won’t cut it. You shouldn’t force him to cut it. You should cut it …. out. Ahhh, see what I did there? OK, I’ll see myself out.

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“Jaw With John” – Guests Should Remove Thy Shoes

When I was growing up, I was always told to remove my shoes when visiting another person’s house, especially if they have new flooring. Now that I’m an adult and building a new house, I would like to ask people to remove their shoes upon entering my home.

I have young children and expect family with other small kids will visit. I’d like to keep the floors clean and maintain their good condition. Would it be tacky or rude to ask this of visitors? — SHOELESS IN ST. LOUIS

Dear Shoeless,

It’s not tacky.

I deliver catered meals and every so often when I go over to someone’s home I look down at the client’s feet and see that they are in their socks. I ask them if I should remove my shoes before coming in and then I’ll go about my work with or without shoes on.

If you make it obvious with a sign, and shoes by the door, then it should be easy for guests to follow. I remember when I was in Japan a few years ago I knew that at some places I’d have to remove my shoes before entering and they provided slippers or shoe covers which is also something you can look into.

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“Jaw With John” – Mom’s Crying Over Free Babysitting, What???

We live down the street from my boyfriend’s mother. Our 3-year-old daughter spends a few hours there while I’m at work and her dad is running errands. My daughter loves her grandparents, so I don’t mind her spending time with them.

The problem I have is, my boyfriend’s mother repeats everything I say to my daughter right after I say it when I ask her to do something! It drives me crazy. My boyfriend tells me to say something to her, but I have no idea what to say. Please help. — ECHOED IN ALASKA

Dear Echoed,

This sounds like crocodile tears.

You’re complaining about your grandmother providing FREE babysitting…c’mon bruh! She is clearly echoing your sentiments (BECAUSE SHE AGREES WITH YOU!) and trying to teach your daughter what is appropriate behavior. She’s also three…so she’s talking to a 3-year-old…keep that in mind too.

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