Tag Archives: Advice

“Jaw With John” – Mani, Pedi, Angry Auntie

Recently I received a photo from my niece, who works in a high-powered job. Her daughter is almost three years old.

Although I love this child, I was very upset when I saw her getting a pedicure.

A few weeks later, my sister (the child’s grandmother) sent another photo of this child … this time getting a manicure. My sister thought it was cute!

I am far from amused. In fact I am disgusted. I am a generous auntie with no children but I will not pay for frivolity with my hard-earned money.

While I am able to be lavish, birthdays are coming for this child and her twin brother, but I have no intention of sending anything and will spend my money on those in need.

Is this behavior the norm? I would love your feedback. — Disgusted Auntie

Dear Disgusted:

You make it sound like you’re the one paying for all of this. I don’t believe that you are so all you can do is scowl from a far. It also sounds like your niece is well enough off that she can afford to do these things with and for her children and that’s her decision. You’re not paying for it, even though you seem to think you are because you send “lavish” gifts and money.

Threatening to hold back and not buy these young children (toddlers really) gifts comes off as petty and it’s something that they have no control over. You’d be punishing them for something their mother did and is that the kind of auntie you want to be?

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“Jaw With John” – So You’re Saying Your Daughter Dresses A Bit Too Sexy?

I have a grown daughter who is over 40. She has teenage children. My daughter makes wardrobe choices more common for a sexy young 20 year old than for a grown woman.

She is beautiful in her own right, but I think she may be conveying the wrong image to everyone and actually embarrassing her children.

I would like to give her a “makeover.”

I am offering to pay for a hairstyling appointment and some new clothes and shoes. How can I approach this and not hurt her feelings, or is that impossible?

It’s not just her Dad and I that feel this way about her appearance. Other members of the family have also mentioned this to me. — Mom Needs Advice

Dear Mom:

I know the type of mom your daughter is and as a high school kid I watched with open jaw as they walked on by. I also went to an all boys high school so women weren’t see too much on campus unless they were teachers and when one came on campus it was an event. I bet that’s not what you wanted to hear, is it?

There is no way of sugar coating what you are trying to achieve. By telling her you want to make her over you are saying you don’t approve of her appearance and she would, most likely, be insulted. There is also no guarantee that if you were to let her do it on her own that she would change for the better. She could come out even sluttier.

Have you tried discussing her wardrobe choices with her? Instead of trying to be sneaky about it be open, frank, honest and other synonyms with her. She might respond to that better.

The only other viable option I see is going on What Not To Wear and being made over by a professional…but in typing that I found out that that show has ended it’s run so we’re back to square one!

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“Jaw With John” – Might Not Be The Happiest Place On Earth For A Birthday

So, my sister’s 18th birthday is in a couple of weeks, and my parents are going to surprise her with a trip to Disney!

We live about six hours away, so it’s not a travel hassle, and we all think it’s a great idea, but … my sister is not good with surprises, and she can be, ungracious.

She doesn’t want our parents to spend a lot of money on her, so she just wants to see a movie on her birthday, but we all know that would be seriously depressing.

My parents say if she isn’t gracious about it, they’ll cancel the trip, and everyone will then be mad at her.

Should I warn my sister in advance, tell her what’s going to happen? Or, say nothing, and watch it blow up? — Birthday Brooder

Dear Brooder:

Disney what? Land? World? Paris? Tokyo? Hong Kong? You’ve got to be more specific here.

You clearly need to talk with your parents and have them ask your sister if she would like to do this. This would eliminate the surprise element of it all and also leave it open for another possible trip if she doesn’t want to go there for her birthday.

I for one would LOVE a surprise Disneyland trip for my birthday – just throwing that out there for anyone listening.

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“Jaw With John” – Don’t Overthink After-Work Drinks

I recently ran into an old friend (and former colleague), and we set up a date to have after-work drinks in a few weeks to catch up.

Three years ago I asked her out on a date, but she declined because she was in a relationship.

Last year we were scheduled to do drinks (as friends) and her boyfriend vetoed it at the last minute, saying he felt uncomfortable.

I had forgotten that. How should I ask if he’s now comfortable with it, if he’s even still in the picture? — Ethically Conflicted

Dear Conflicted:

You’re an adult. She’s an adult. You don’t need to ask if she is still with that boyfriend. She is capable of making her own decisions and that should tell you that it’s OK for the two of you to meet up.

The purpose of said after-work drinks is to find out what each of you has been up to since you last saw each other. Don’t overthink it. Said boyfriend might be out of the picture. You won’t know until you see and talk to her. And if he isn’t, then this rendezvous might be canceled again.

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“Jaw With John” – Wedding Gift Dilemma

A friend of my daughter’s (and not a particularly close friend) is getting married in a month.

I have been invited to the wedding.

It is more than a three-hour drive, so I’ve already made up my mind not to attend.

I have only met this young lady one time.

What is my socially correct obligation? Is it necessary for me to buy her a gift? I am not a stingy person, but the going rate for cash gifts is around $150 in our area. Your thoughts are appreciated. — Wedding Vexed

Dear Vexed:

You don’t have to attend if you don’t want to. Politely decline and be on your way. Furthermore, since you are not attending it is not necessary for you to buy a gift, let alone $150.

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