Tag Archives: Advice

09/03/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Marcellus Wallace Has Some Words For You

“Recently my good friend’s daughter and her husband had a baby who needed medical attention. They have hosted several in-person fundraisers, as well as ongoing online fundraisers.

Both parents have jobs that provide good insurance. I recently found out this young family is using funds to pay their rent and buy new and expensive things — all unrelated to their child.

I find this heartbreaking to everyone concerned. Their child is scheduled to leave the hospital now, yet nothing has been updated online and the fundraising continues. After hearing this (verified) information I do not want to participate. What now? — Disheartened”

Dear Disheartened:

I would argue that paying rent is related to their child. But that’s just semantics.

As for “What now? Let me tell you what now. I’m gonna call a couple of hard, pipe-hittin’ –” wait, never mind, that Marcellus Wallace quote doesn’t really apply here so I’ll cut to the chase.

Don’t give them money. That’s what you do now.

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09/03/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – No Need To Stand & Deliver, Teach

“I am an inner-city high school teacher. The high poverty rate makes the job very challenging and stressful. We are all working long hours.

This year I am dealing with a colleague in her early 40s, single, who readily admits her life outside of work is dull. She has half the number of students I do.

For Christmas she gave all her students a small gift bag with treats. She has nicknames for all of them. She has driven them to practice when they missed the bus. She feeds them breakfast and gives them snacks for having a good day in class.

When speaking with a parent, it is always positive — even if the student is failing multiple classes or has disruptive behavior.

The students love her and call her “Mom.”

Students have asked why I don’t buy or give them things. These are 14-year-olds. Even though I recognize their developmental stage, it is difficult now to enjoy my work when I am always being compared to “Mom.”

How should I deal with this? — Stressed Teacher”

Dear Stressed:

At my Primary School each grade up until Middle School was split in two. There would be 20 or so kids per teacher. In 4th grade I was put into a classroom with a no nonsense teacher, Mrs. Wilson, who taught us well but at times lacked that sweetness. She was tough but fair. Next door was a teacher who was all sunshine and rainbows. She would play her piano and we could hear the class singing through the walls. Every time this would happen I would roll my eyes because I found it unnecessary (clearly, I had established my sarcastic, smart-ass attitude early on). I mean, how many times can you play Heart & Soul before it’s too much?

I always wondered what Mrs. Wilson thought of the teacher next door. If she wanted that adoration those students showed her. Or if she even liked the other teacher enough to care what she did. I like to think that we were on the same page and rolled our eyes simultaneously. She didn’t care for the other teacher’s teaching style/attitude because she knew how to get through to us and teach us what we needed to know without overstepping the boundaries.

You need to do the same.

Be the teacher you are and don’t concern yourself with what “Mom” is doing.

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07/03/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – When It’s Time To Party, Party Hard … In Moderation

“My friend and I were always the party girls in our group, always up for a good time, drinking and dancing until the sun came up. I treasured the close bond we shared and our fun, carefree lifestyle.

I recently became pregnant and my husband and I are thrilled. My party-girl lifestyle has dramatically altered. Although my aforementioned friend is very excited for us, I’m having trouble with her and the lifestyle I used to enjoy.

Every time we go out my friend has numerous cocktails and beers, and the increasing intoxication makes it difficult to have a conversation. If she has gone out the night before, she is hung over and unreliable. I am beginning not to want to spend time with her because I do not like her behavior and attitude.

In a few months we have a planned beach vacation and I am torn. Part of me wants to cancel, simply because I do not want to spend several days watching her get drunk and putting up with her antics. Another part of me understands that I, just a few months ago, was this person as well, whether I like to see the behavior or not. I understand that pregnancy and child-rearing change relationships and perhaps my friend is struggling. I am worried that talking to her about it will start a fight, but keeping it in doesn’t work. What should I do? — Pregnant and Confused“

Dear Pregnant:

Are you sure you’re not just reliving some key scenes from Knocked Up?

Your friend clearly hasn’t fully adjusted to your new lifestyle and neither have you. Having a kid is a little bit like graduating from college. You partied for four years and then all of a sudden you can’t anymore and you need to join the real world. It’ll take some time to adjust and learn what you can and cannot continue to do but it will happen. 

You want to spend time with your friend but you can’t do what you’ve been doing. Find new activities to partake in that aren’t booze-related. That should have a trickle down effect and lead to a new dynamic. Don’t get me wrong, you can still party hard every now and then (after the child is born), it just needs to be in moderation. A good lesson for your friend to learn for the future.

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06/03/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Doting Mother Dotes All Day And Night

“My significant other was talked into getting a cellphone by her adult children. We do not live together, but I do spend most evenings with her and I spend the night on the weekends.

Every evening between 6 and 7 a particular daughter feels the need to call, and I end up sitting at the kitchen table eating supper by myself. I can expect calls on the weekend at around 2 in the morning from one of her intoxicated kids requesting a ride.

I told her these calls were disrespectful to me and unless they were of an emergency nature they could be taken after I left. She initially agreed but now she’s back to taking the calls. Should I not have more value than a cellphone? — Miffed”

Dear Miffed:

It’s called dinner, not supper. C’mon man.

Have you ever tried not eating between 6 and 7 to avoid this daughter calling during dinner? That would LITERALLY get rid of this problem entirely.

Has this drunk child not heard of Lyft, Uber or a regular old taxi? Would you rather that child drive home drunk? I’m sure you’d rather him or her drink in moderation but that clearly isn’t their endgame.

Her kids, obviously, come before you and this won’t change. She is being nice and giving them a ride when they need one and listening to them when they call. It’s called being a Mom. This is something that you will either accept or it will be a deal-breaker. Just don’t call and tell her. That’s reserved for her kids.

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05/03/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – V-Day Sheds Light On Girlfriend

“I took my girlfriend of two months out for Valentine’s Day. I picked her up, meeting her with chocolates in hand, and we went out. We had a good time and naturally I paid for the event, food and drinks. OK. I’m fine with that.

We returned to her place and chatted as we held each other, and I managed slip into the conversation that I didn’t receive a Valentine’s gift from her. She brushed it off with some words and a smile. I drove home with pursed lips.

Isn’t Valentine’s Day supposed to be a two-way street? How should I handle this? — Jilted”

Dear Jilted:

I once “dated” a girl for a month (about a date per week, with texting/messaging throughout the week) only to be told on the 4th, and final, date that she didn’t like me “that way.” She was happy to go out with me, have me buy food, movie tickets, go mini golfing etc. but didn’t want anything more. Needless to say it was a long train ride back home when she told me that.

It was also on that train that I decided to end things with her.

This is your train ride.

You need to think back over the last two months and wonder if she’s really meant for you. You know what? I’ll stop you right there. She’s not for you. It’s time to move on. Her not reciprocating Valentine’s Day, not even a card, draws a red flag. Her trying to talk her way out of it sends out flares. Bye Felicia.

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