“My mother-in-law has begun doing the “pop-in.” My husband passive-aggressively hinted that he wished he had known she was coming over. Her response was, “I’m your mother; I don’t need to let you know when I’m coming over.” I regard this as total disrespect.
She has done this plenty of times — including popping in when I was having a dinner with my parents and children, which made her mad because she and my father-in-law hadn’t been invited.
She did the pop-in again last week. My husband, four children and I were about to sit down to a family dinner when she rang the doorbell. I didn’t have enough food for her and my father-in-law, which made us all uncomfortable. She made a sarcastic comment, “Gee, I guess I shouldn’t have come over,” then she sat in the living room staring at us as we ate.
I have begged my husband to say something, but he says it would be disrespectful. I said it is disrespectful that she comes over without checking with us first. What’s your take on this? — NO POP-INS, PLEASE”
Dear No Pop-Ins,
She sounds like a handful.
The whole showing up someplace unannounced was fine when there wasn’t a way to effectively communicate that you were coming over (like, oh, I dunno before the telephone was invented). Nowadays, it’s common courtesy (or not so common in the case of your mother-in-law) to call or message ahead.
In an ideal world, I wish you would’ve said “No, you shouldn’t have come over!” when she came over and ended up sitting and watching you eat. Then again, I’m a bit of a sarcastic asshole. But, she needs to hear this considering that she believes that she can just come over whenever – which we know is NOT the case.
I love the part where she was mad that she wasn’t invited. BECAUSE SHE WASN’T INVITED! It was a dinner for your family and your parents! She’s mental.
Your husband seems to be slightly whipped by his own mother to the extent that he’s afraid to stand up to her. Yikes. You need to tell him to sack up and stand up to his mom because it’s having an effect on you, your marriage, and your life.
John Kidde Writes 