Tag Archives: boyfriend

27/02/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Wean Boyfriend Off Home

“I am in a new relationship. We are very much in love and have similar values and relationship goals.

I am 35 and have been living on my own for over 10 years. My boyfriend is 30 and has never lived on his own. He is Chinese-American and has said that he still lives at home for cultural reasons. We have made the decision to move in together, but now we have run into problems.

He is having a harder time adjusting to this change than I expected. I was practically thrown out the door as a young adult, encouraged strongly to build a life on my own. Therefore I lack the empathy needed to understand his point of view. He isn’t moving across the country (like I did) — he’s moving only 10 miles away!

I’m hurt and think he is no longer excited about taking this step. I feel rejected and sad on the nights he chooses to sleep back at his home. What can we do to get through this? — Lonely at Home”

Dear Lonely:

Just because he’s having a hard time adjusting, doesn’t mean he isn’t happy.

You’re, admittedly, not making this easy on him by lacking empathy. If you think it’s harder on you than it is him then you need to look outside yourself and see what’s really going on. In some cultures it is perfectly acceptable for a child to live with their parents until they get married. He seems to be in a transitional period and needs some time to figure things out. This isn’t Failure To Launch though, I am certain of that.

You could always move further away so that he’d have to take a plane or train to sleep at home, but you’re not that cruel … Are you?

You will need to address this issue with him and see what YOU can do to help make him feel more comfortable in his new home. Wean him off sleeping at home and openly discuss what he wants out of this relationship and then go from there. It’ll be a process, but if you truly love him and want to be with him then you will do whatever you can to make it work.

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17/02/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – He Wouldn’t Walk 1000 Miles To Fall Down At Your Door

“I am an 18-year-old girl. I have been dating my boyfriend for nearly two years.

My boyfriend means everything to me. Although I have made mistakes we would talk and fix things, and everything would be OK.

Last year we both went to university in different parts of the country, so it was like we were having a long-distance relationship. I was OK with it until I met another guy who gave me everything I have been missing. We were not really dating but I had sex with him many times.

Earlier this week my boyfriend found out and broke up with me. It was only after he was gone that I realized he has always been and always will be my everything. I still love him.

I want him back, but he doesn’t want to hear from me. — M”

Dear M:

You “[had] been dating your boyfriend for nearly two years.” He “[meant] everything to” you. You keep addressing things in the present tense when it’s clearly the past. You cheated, he found out, he broke up with you, and now he wants nothing to do with you. I don’t blame him. He clearly has ZERO interest in getting back together with you and you’ve only now realized what he meant to you AFTER you cheated on him and he left you.

You can’t have your cake and eat it too.

You should’ve either chosen to be with him or not when you went off to school. Long-distance relationships rarely, if ever, work out. I had a public speaking professor who was vehemently against long-distance relationships – so much so that he presented his argument in a lecture/public speaking example – and it’s stuck with me since. Here’s the good news: you’re 18. You have learned a valuable lesson in life, love, and dating. Maybe this will teach you how to act in your next relationship. Or maybe it won’t. It’s up to you.

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06/02/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – He’s Got You By The Ovaries

“My boyfriend and I have been dating for six years. He is 26 and I am 23. We live together and share everything. We have talked about marriage and kids many times, but we seem to have different opinions. He says we might get married, but then he changes his mind.

He sees us as pretty much “married” already (but without legal documentation) and he’s worried about our financial status if we get married. He says he’ll feel really old if we get married and that he wants to “experience life” before he gives it up for a kid.

I told him if he ever asked me to marry him I would say yes and if he wanted kids I would have them. I don’t want to push him away, but I want to be bound to him legally and religiously.

For now, we are relying on his parents financially. I just want to know for sure if we’ll take things to the next level. If not, I will stay with him regardless, I guess. How should I approach this? — Confused”

Dear Confused:

So, lemme get this straight, you’ve been dating since you were 17 and he was 20? … Was that legal? Or did you Age of Extinction me and find out about Romeo & Juliet laws? Either way, I digress.

Your boyfriend talks about feeling “really old” when he gets married (NEWSFLASH: it means you’re getting older when you get married!) and wanting to “experience life” (Sounds like he doesn’t want to be tied down, maybe he’s got something on the side?) before all of that and it makes me believe that he really doesn’t want to get married or have kids at all. He has said he doesn’t want them any time soon but you two are far too young to be getting married, having kids, living on your own etc. and given that you are still looking to his parents for financial help … I don’t think marriage or a baby is right for you. Pump the brakes on the ol’ baby-maker.

Whoa whoa whoa. I just noticed something else: You want this relationship to go to the next level but you’re willing to stick with the status quo regardless … You’re a tough one to crack. You want marriage and a baby, but only if he does. You don’t want to push him away, but you can’t leave him. He seems to have you by the (female version of) balls (ovaries?). He knows what you want but won’t give in. You’re trapped in this relationship and you need to take a hard look in the mirror and see what you want and then tell your boyfriend how you’re feeling. Only then can you move forward.

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28/01/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Unfaithful Roommate Has Made His Bed

“I recently found out that my roommate cheated on his girlfriend with one of our co-workers. He did this two times!

When I confronted him about his unfaithfulness he was honest and forthcoming. He also told his girlfriend (who lives in another country) and she decided to stay with him and work things out.

However, he still hangs out with the “other woman” on a one-on-one basis and she comes over to the apartment and lies on his bed with him.

I told him this is wrong and unfair to his girlfriend. I don’t want to keep challenging him on this, but I’m not sure what else I can do. — Trying to Stay Loyal”

Dear Loyal:

He’s not going to change so why waste your breath? Let him reap what he sows when and if his actual girlfriend returns. You’ve done the honorable thing already in confronting him yet he has kept on doing what he’s been doing. Stop trying.

You can always give this “other woman” the stink eye or glare at her whenever she is over. You could try that…but that’s not going to change anything. She’s just as bad as he is. He’s living in a burning house but hasn’t smelled the smoke or felt the heat. He’s oblivious and should be left to burn.

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10/01/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Offline Girlfriend Creating Online Barriers

“My serious girlfriend has a social media account. She refuses to include me in her group and has blocked me from having access to simply look at the site.

This concerns me because while I understand she needs and deserves privacy, I feel like she could be hiding something from me. I’m not sure what she could be hiding but I wonder if it is something like having relationships with other men.

Am I being overly concerned or unfair to her? — Serious Guy”

Dear Guy:

Uh no dude. You’re not. You have every reason to be concerned. She won’t let you see what’s on her Facebook(?) page – I assume Facebook because let’s be real here, no one is on MySpace anymore – and that raises a GIANT RED FLAG. If you’re the snooping kind then you could ask someone who has access to her page show you what she’s up to. Or you know, you could just ask her straight up and see how she reacts.

If you two are as serious as you say you are and she won’t let you in to her digital space and this is a big problem for you, then you might need to rethink this relationship. She is clearly hiding something from you and put up a barrier. Break it down or break up with her…or break it down and THEN break up with her…or break it down and stay with her…You have a few options.

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