Tag Archives: cheating

07/10/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Leave, Get Out, Right Now

“My husband “Steve” and I have been married for eight years, and together for a total of 12. He’s 31; I’m 28.

Five years ago I cheated on him with my best friend. My husband found out about it and I came clean about everything. I haven’t seen or been in touch with the other person since then.

For the past five years my life has been a living hell. Steve goes through my phone, texts, calls, emails, social media and mail. I just ignore this because I have nothing to hide.

If I’m talking on the phone I’m instantly accused of talking to “my boyfriend.” He has been emotionally and verbally abusive, and has been physically abusive twice. When I suggested marriage counseling he said I “wasn’t worth it, never have been and never will be.” He’s “thrown me out” on numerous occasions and then once I pack up my personal belongings he becomes loving and caring toward me.

Two weeks ago he sent me a text saying I had two hours to get home or he was throwing all of my stuff in the front lawn. When I got home he had all of my stuff packed.

I moved out. Steve and I have talked, but he still refuses marriage counseling. He wants me to move back in, says he loves me and doesn’t want me to leave. He said he will give me a month to move back in or he’s filing for divorce.

I don’t know what to do. I’ve lost all but one of my friends and have lost contact with most of my family because of Steve, so I don’t have many people to talk to. I know the easiest thing would be to go back to him, but I just feel in a few months everything will go back to the way it was. — Walking on Eggshells”

Dear Walking:

I’m going to defer this question to my friend Smeagol. Let’s hear what he has to say:

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07/09/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Friend, Discretion Is Advised

“Recently a close friend and her boyfriend visited my family and me. During the visit my friend casually asked about my best friend, “Shelley.” We see each other only a few times a year.

As I was filling in my visiting friend about Shelley’s adorable new apartment she abruptly asked if she was still sleeping with the same (married) man she’s been seeing for years. I was completely dumbfounded and shocked. My visiting friend felt awful that she outed Shelley and said she assumed I already knew.

I feel terrible and wonder why Shelley didn’t tell me about this relationship. It seems dishonest of me not to bring this up with her, and I’ve always been honest with her. Should I tell her I know? I don’t want to throw my visiting friend under the bus for letting it slip. She feels terrible. I am feeling so torn between being honest and upfront about knowing and being respectful of Shelley’s privacy. If she wanted me to know, she would have told me, right? — Upset Friend”

Dear Upset:

Let’s face it, your friend might have found out about Shelley through a third party so don’t feel too bad.

As for Shelley, you can approach her by saying “I heard that this guy you’re seeing is married? Is this true?” If she wants to talk about it, she will. If not, then that’s on her and you should respect that no matter how strongly you disagree with her. Discretion is a must here as doing anything loud or public could severely ruin multiple people’s lives. You and I know what she is doing is wrong but you are not the one to decide how it all plays out.

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28/08/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – There’s A Card Shark Circling Your Game

“I am a member of a group of people who get together to play cards. I have observed a person who plays cards with us (but is not a member of the group) cheating.

The subject of cheating came up once, and I tried discreetly (obviously too discreetly) to let this person know I observed the cheating. It had no impact. It appears this person is a friend of a member of the group.

I realize there is nothing I can do about the situation except learn to deal with it so that it no longer upsets me. Any advice? — Card Sharp”

Dear Sharp:

You “realize there is nothing [you] can do about the situation”? That is 100% untrue.

If someone is cheating, regardless of who they are friends with, then you need to call attention to it. Either do it discreetly with the cheater and let them know that you know and tell them to stop or do it when you catch them in the act at the card game.

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03/08/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Problem Grandchild

“My youngest grandson has just left from a week-long visit. He lives out of state and we rarely see him.

He is 8 years old and this was his first visit with us. We have realized that he lies, he cheats, he is incredibly rude and is basically unpleasant to be around.

This is the first grandchild with whom we have had such an unpleasant experience. His parents will expect us to invite him back next year, but we aren’t interested.

How do we address this issue with his parents? — Foundering Grandparents”

Dear Grandparents:

He cheats? WTF? Are you guys playing Clue and he peeked at the cards to see if it was Colonel Mustard in the Library with the Wrench?

When I was 8 years old, I clearly remember cheating, lying, and being a brat in general but then I grew up and became only a twinge bit of an asshole.

This kid just needs to be told how to behave, and that should be by his parents. Tell them what happened and let them handle this. As far as not having him back next year, that’s cool. But don’t shut him out completely. I had a great relationship with my grandmother – that was primarily based around her taking me to see any movie I or she wanted – but it was positive nonetheless and your grandson needs that too.

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17/02/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – He Wouldn’t Walk 1000 Miles To Fall Down At Your Door

“I am an 18-year-old girl. I have been dating my boyfriend for nearly two years.

My boyfriend means everything to me. Although I have made mistakes we would talk and fix things, and everything would be OK.

Last year we both went to university in different parts of the country, so it was like we were having a long-distance relationship. I was OK with it until I met another guy who gave me everything I have been missing. We were not really dating but I had sex with him many times.

Earlier this week my boyfriend found out and broke up with me. It was only after he was gone that I realized he has always been and always will be my everything. I still love him.

I want him back, but he doesn’t want to hear from me. — M”

Dear M:

You “[had] been dating your boyfriend for nearly two years.” He “[meant] everything to” you. You keep addressing things in the present tense when it’s clearly the past. You cheated, he found out, he broke up with you, and now he wants nothing to do with you. I don’t blame him. He clearly has ZERO interest in getting back together with you and you’ve only now realized what he meant to you AFTER you cheated on him and he left you.

You can’t have your cake and eat it too.

You should’ve either chosen to be with him or not when you went off to school. Long-distance relationships rarely, if ever, work out. I had a public speaking professor who was vehemently against long-distance relationships – so much so that he presented his argument in a lecture/public speaking example – and it’s stuck with me since. Here’s the good news: you’re 18. You have learned a valuable lesson in life, love, and dating. Maybe this will teach you how to act in your next relationship. Or maybe it won’t. It’s up to you.

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