Tag Archives: dating

16/03/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Boyfriend Needs A Budget

“When my boyfriend and I started dating seven months ago, I loved that we went out on fun dates. However, I started wondering where his money was coming from. I now know that he still receives income from his mother, even though he’s 23 and out of school.

Although he’s working a part-time job, I know it’s not enough to cover his bills. When I confronted him about searching for more work, he said he’s waiting to find his “true passion.”

He spends money on meals out, expensive clothes, and acting and writing classes. I value a strong work ethic, and it’s difficult for me to see him using his parents’ money rather than trying to make enough on his own.

How do I discuss this with him? Is it wrong to impose my values on him? — Anxious”

Dear Anxious:

Some dudes will never learn. That’s a fact.

Me? I’m a dude who still lives at home but I don’t get money from my parents. I work various jobs to make money as I try to find a more permanent employment situation. But, I also don’t spend the money (which I don’t have) on things I don’t need like clothes and meals out, like your guy does. I have something called self-control. He seems to need a certain lifestyle and cannot deviate. He’ll find out the hard way that his lifestyle cannot be maintained by his current income.

You can discuss this with him, but you can’t impose your values on him. He won’t listen. Trust me. It’ll suck but, he needs to learn budgeting on his own.

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06/03/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Doting Mother Dotes All Day And Night

“My significant other was talked into getting a cellphone by her adult children. We do not live together, but I do spend most evenings with her and I spend the night on the weekends.

Every evening between 6 and 7 a particular daughter feels the need to call, and I end up sitting at the kitchen table eating supper by myself. I can expect calls on the weekend at around 2 in the morning from one of her intoxicated kids requesting a ride.

I told her these calls were disrespectful to me and unless they were of an emergency nature they could be taken after I left. She initially agreed but now she’s back to taking the calls. Should I not have more value than a cellphone? — Miffed”

Dear Miffed:

It’s called dinner, not supper. C’mon man.

Have you ever tried not eating between 6 and 7 to avoid this daughter calling during dinner? That would LITERALLY get rid of this problem entirely.

Has this drunk child not heard of Lyft, Uber or a regular old taxi? Would you rather that child drive home drunk? I’m sure you’d rather him or her drink in moderation but that clearly isn’t their endgame.

Her kids, obviously, come before you and this won’t change. She is being nice and giving them a ride when they need one and listening to them when they call. It’s called being a Mom. This is something that you will either accept or it will be a deal-breaker. Just don’t call and tell her. That’s reserved for her kids.

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05/03/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – V-Day Sheds Light On Girlfriend

“I took my girlfriend of two months out for Valentine’s Day. I picked her up, meeting her with chocolates in hand, and we went out. We had a good time and naturally I paid for the event, food and drinks. OK. I’m fine with that.

We returned to her place and chatted as we held each other, and I managed slip into the conversation that I didn’t receive a Valentine’s gift from her. She brushed it off with some words and a smile. I drove home with pursed lips.

Isn’t Valentine’s Day supposed to be a two-way street? How should I handle this? — Jilted”

Dear Jilted:

I once “dated” a girl for a month (about a date per week, with texting/messaging throughout the week) only to be told on the 4th, and final, date that she didn’t like me “that way.” She was happy to go out with me, have me buy food, movie tickets, go mini golfing etc. but didn’t want anything more. Needless to say it was a long train ride back home when she told me that.

It was also on that train that I decided to end things with her.

This is your train ride.

You need to think back over the last two months and wonder if she’s really meant for you. You know what? I’ll stop you right there. She’s not for you. It’s time to move on. Her not reciprocating Valentine’s Day, not even a card, draws a red flag. Her trying to talk her way out of it sends out flares. Bye Felicia.

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02/03/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Fiancee Needs To Know About Husband-To-Be

“I was dating someone on and off for five years. He broke up with me suddenly last summer but we have hooked up (sexually) since then.

I found out three weeks ago that he had been seeing someone else that entire time and that they became engaged just after he broke it off with me, which makes me a wholly blindsided “other woman.”

So he cheated on his girlfriend with me almost the entire time they were together and continued to cheat on her after they became engaged. He always maintained that he was single and that she was “just a friend.”

Needless to say, I am devastated. It has come to my attention that even though his parents know the truth, he has not told his fiancee about me.

I feel sick over the whole thing and I think it’s very important that she know the truth about whom she is marrying, as the wedding is fast approaching.

Is there some way for me to let her know what’s going on without looking like I’m some vindictive, crazy ex-girlfriend just looking for revenge?

If I were in her position I would want to know. I don’t know what to do. I bet I feel guiltier about it than he does!

Also, how do I get past this? I still can’t believe it has happened, and I can’t believe someone I cared about so much and trusted completely could have acted this way and kept it up for so long. — Bewildered in Baltimore”

Dear Bewildered:

There is no way to come out of this looking good. You can’t force other people to feel a certain way about you. It’s just not possible.

You definitely need to tell the fiancee who she is about to marry. You can’t text, email, or call her. You need to tell her face-to-face something like this: “I had been with your fiance off and on for the last few years. All the while he maintained that you were ‘just a friend’ and he led me to believe that he was still single.” How she reacts from there is beyond you. You would’ve let her know and what follows will be her responsibility.

As for yourself, take some “Me time” and cut him out of your life completely. Go to a spa or do whatever you need to make yourself feel good to move on from this guy.

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16/02/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Mind The Gap

“I am a 54-year-old woman. I have been seeing a 28-year-old man for the past year.

Although I have confided in a couple close girlfriends and he has confided in his two brothers, he has asked me not to disclose this relationship to anyone else. I have respected his request to be on the down low.

I’ve been divorced for over 14 years and have three kids. I had no luck in the dating arena before I met him.

I have no desire for my kids or anyone else to know about this relationship, but I’m wondering: What do you think of a relationship where the age gap is so wide and the woman is older?

I think about it all the time. If same-sex relationships are no longer frowned upon by everyone, why does there still seem to be a problem accepting a relationship like mine?

I wonder what my future is with him, or if we have a future. Am I cheating myself? All I know is that he is brilliant, beautiful, very affectionate and giving emotionally to me. He is just the best overall person I have ever met.

Should I just relax about this relationship or am I just some stupid old lady?

I’d appreciate your comments and advice. — Middle-aged”

Dear Middle-Aged:

Watch the movie I Could Never Be Your Woman. It addresses many of your questions, in a cute and hilarious fashion I might add. People never seemed to bat an eye when older men show up with MUCH younger women. I mean, they have, but it is generally more acceptable tolerated more. Just look at Something’s Gotta Give or The First Wives Club: older man with a younger woman. Coincidentally they both starred Diane Keaton but that’s beside the point. Hell, even Anna Nicole Smith did it and people barely flinched (unless they were in that family).

You’re a grown woman and he’s a grown man capable of making his own decisions and he chose you. The obvious question here, if you do decide to keep this relationship going, is what happens when you are 70 and he’s 44 and you’re maybe thinking if slowing things down but he is still active? What happens then? Then, the age difference will catch up.

You also need to address if you want to continue to be his secret lover. At some point his friends/family will find out and so will yours and putting that off for too long could end up to bite you in the ass. Unless you are into that sort of thing…

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