Tag Archives: Dear John

24/07/2018
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Advice

Dear John: Parents Want ETA, Son Is MIA And For Good Reason

My 47-year-old son is employed at a prestigious university. His position involves a considerable amount of travel.

Over the years, he always emailed us his travel plans along with flight information. Lately, he tells us when and where he is going but omits the flight, hotel information, etc. When we ask, our requests are ignored. When we tell him we think it’s irresponsible for him not to share this information, his response is, “My secretary has the information if there are any problems.”

We always give our children our travel information, flights, hotels, etc. when we travel. Our question is, are we out of line for wanting this information from him? — LOVING PARENTS IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

Dear Loving Parents,

Your ADULT son is just that; an adult. I would understand if it were flight info and hotel info for when he was traveling to or from your home but not just for random trips. He probably wants some privacy and doesn’t want and, frankly, he doesn’t need to share any of his trip information with you. You are out of line for wanting this info from him when he has told you that he won’t be providing that information to you.

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23/07/2018
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Advice

Dear John: Family Would Turn Vacation Into Trip From Hell

“Charlotte” and I have been friends for 16 years, ever since we met in college. She lives several states away, so we see each other only once a year when she and her family come to town for a long weekend. Beyond this annual get-together, we never chat on the phone, and communication is pretty much limited to social media.

I have known Charlotte’s (now) husband for 16 years as well, and never cared for him. When they became engaged, none of our friends thought she would actually marry him. He seems to get worse every time I see him, and it has reached the point that I can barely stand to be in the same room with him.

Unfortunately, Charlotte’s kids take after their dad. They are spoiled, nasty, mean children and a bad influence on my young son. Charlotte and her family were in town for their annual visit recently. Afterward I told my husband I didn’t enjoy it and dread the next one.

Charlotte’s husband has now suggested they tag along on our next family vacation! It would ruin our trip. I don’t want to go on vacation if they come with us. Charlotte is still as sweet and lovely as ever, but I do not want to see her husband or children again. What should I do? — HANGING ON FOR NOW

Dear Hanging On,

“What should I do?”??? You tell them “No.”

It’s your vacation. Your time. Your trip. You decide if you want someone else there with you. You rarely see these people so it wouldn’t hurt if you said that this was your vacation and not theirs.

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22/07/2018
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Advice

Dear John: Extended Family Takes Advantage Of Open-Door Policy

I have three sisters-in-law. I have been a part of their family for 15 years. We all get along (for the most part).

Recently, my husband and I purchased a home. We have an open-door policy for people to come and use our pool. We also host family gatherings.

At our latest gathering, I noticed two of his sisters wearing my clothes. One volunteered: “We were wet from the pool, and found these in your dryer.” I was assured that I would get the clothes back that night, but they were never returned to me.

Last weekend there was a birthday party. They made off with some towels.

I went to their home, and found a blanket that was given to me by my mother being used as a curtain in one of their bedrooms.

One sister asked me if she could borrow a shirt, and I obliged. She wore neither of the two options that I lent her, and has not returned them.

I prefer not to be confrontational. I know this is petty because at the end of the day, those things do not really matter. I feel frustrated because people are violating my kindness and my space.

People come over knowing that they’re going swimming. Is it my responsibility to provide them with clothing and towels?

– Put Upon

Dear Put Upon,

Step one: Get your shit back. Whether it is behind their back or directly confronting them (which sounds like it might not be your favorite option), get it back. They are taking advantage of your hospitality.

Step two: Close your open door and set rules for when people come over to use your pool. You can still be hospitable but be firm with your guests and let them know that you have towels to use but it’s best that they bring their own. As far as the clothing, that’s on the guest. You’re not a department store carrying multiple sizes and looks of clothes. Screw them and make them bring their own clothes!

Whenever I go over to a friend’s house to swim I always bring my own towel and clothes to change in to. What is wrong with these idiots??? Ah, yeah, they’re idiots.

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12/07/2018
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Advice

Dear John: Creeper Dad Found Out Kid’s Friend Does Porn

There is a 31-year-old woman who has been a part of our family since she was a teenager. She and my kids grew up together and they are still good friends.

Her parents are good friends of my wife and me. She is Phi Beta Kappa and graduated magna cum laude from a good college. She has a postgraduate degree from a very prestigious university.

She is in a job she’s had for eight years. She currently makes more than $80,000 a year and is extremely secure.

By an absolutely bizarre twist of fate, I just found out she has been acting in hardcore pornographic videos for the last year, distributed by one of (what I understand is) the biggest production companies in that business. There were 10 pages of her videos when I Googled her stage name.

I am in shock. I am so afraid for her future if her employer, or someone else, makes the same discovery. She’s an adult and is free to make her choices, but if someone makes the connection, in this internet-fueled world, it will follow her for the rest of her life. I’m afraid she’ll lose her job and never be taken seriously as a professional again. I’m afraid for her health and safety.

I have not talked to anyone about this. Whom (if anybody) should I tell? Should I just shut up and let the chips fall where they may? We all love this girl very much, and I’m heartsick. What is the right thing to do?

— Worried Friend

Dear Friend,

“By an absolutely bizarre twist of fate” my ass! You were looking up porn, my man! No need to hide it. It’s OK.

First things first, It’s none of your business. She’s a grown woman who is making her own decisions about her life. She is being safe and is able to balance both of her lives WITHOUT YOU. You are not responsible for her in any way shape or form. It is her life.

Secondly, you’re a creeper.

You list all of these accomplishments she’s received over the years as if that’s supposed to tilt me in your favor. What a loaded question you’ve asked. People can be super successful and want to do other things in their lives. This other thing happens to be porn. Now, before I tell you to pound sand once more I have to ask, what’s her stage name?

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19/06/2018
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Advice

Dear John: Friend Wants More Benefits

During the last year, a female friend of mine has started suggesting that she wants more from our relationship than just a friendship. She has had a history of doing this whenever she becomes friends with a guy.

When she started sending me pictures that became more and more suggestive, I decided to distance myself from her. But in the last month, she has been getting increasingly bold with her advances. How do I handle this without hurting her? — FRIEND AND NOTHING MORE IN IOWA

Dear Friend,

She wants what she can’t have and in this instance that is you! She sounds like the kind of person who is in to the “thrill of the hunt”, if you will. But you, you want nothing to do with her. Are you sure you want nothing to do with her? I mean, are the photos nice? Asking for a friend. If you don’t want anything to do with her or her advances you need to put your foot down and tell her directly “Listen Karen, I appreciate our friendship but I am not interested in taking things further.” If she ignores your words and presses on, then you get to running and run as far away as your legs can take you!

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