Tag Archives: family members

02/09/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Out Of Town Family Treats Host Family Like a B&B

“We have family members who like to stay with us every time they are in town. They live about five hours away. Typically when they come to stay, most of our other family members (who live only an hour away) will come to stay too.

We love that our young kids get to see their cousins, but it is a lot of work! This last time, we were informed just days beforehand that 10 people would be spending the weekend with us. We decided to send out an email telling everyone to help with a meal since it gets expensive for us (we’re a young family!) and it is hard to cook eight meals for 18 people!

The relatives who live five hours away have told us twice now that they won’t be bringing anything or could maybe bring water or chips. They have a family of five so it would be nice for them to contribute (since we are doing everything else). Am I wrong in still expecting them to bring a meal to share? I don’t think packing a cooler is that hard! — Exasperated”

Dear Exasperated:

You made a reasonable request and were met with people who are unwilling to lend a hand. Chips? Water? Really? This is stupid. Are they the family from Little Miss Sunshine and don’t have time to pick up stuff along the way because they have to get their daughter to a beauty pageant? Didn’t think so.

If they are so disinclined to contribute then maybe you should suggest they stay elsewhere. If not now, then for future trips. You’re not a B&B.

They do realize that they can buy groceries and such THERE, right? They don’t have to haul them 5 hours to your home. There is a Safeway, Trader Joe’s or a Kroger in damn near every city. It’s not hard to pick up some stuff. You’re already doing enough by housing them and feeding every. single. one of them. The least they could do is prepare, serve and clean up one damn meal.

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16/02/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Needy Nephew Needs Nothing

“Our nephew is graduating soon and he has sent family members letters asking for money for a trip he would like to take. His father is a multimillionaire and can more than afford to fund the trip.

I find it very rude. Is our nephew wrong for begging from family?

There have been no discussions whatsoever about gifts — he just slammed the family with this request.

My brother should be ashamed of himself for allowing his son to do this. It would be a little different if he had said, “If anyone is wondering what I might like …” (or something to that effect), instead of just assuming everyone was planning to give him something.

He just said he wanted to go on a trip and asked if we could help. — Frustrated at Brother”

Dear Frustrated:

It’s February, how is he “graduating soon”? Most schools graduate in May or June. Also, is he of High School age or College age? Because if he’s trying to bridge the gap between High School and College then he should just be like everyone else and get a Summer job instead of, presumably, wanting to backpack across Europe. If he’s graduating from College then perhaps he has earned a bit of a vacation but he was most definitely wrong for asking for money for a trip outright.

There is no reason to be openly mad at your brother because he has not attached his name to this request. Since you feel strongly about this, tell your nephew “No”. It can be a valuable lesson for him in the future about how to approach asking for things. Or he’ll just run to Daddy Warbucks and get the money from him.

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16/12/2014
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – There Are No Weddings in Baseball!!!

“My fiance and I are planning to get married over Memorial Day weekend. It’ll be a relatively small family-oriented affair — held in the same location as my father’s memorial last year.

My older sister is in my wedding party. She and her husband have been together most of my life (they married when I was 9 years old).

My sister informed me yesterday that her husband and my 12-year-old nephew may need to miss most of the festivities because he has a baseball tournament that weekend.

They also missed my father’s memorial for the same reason.

Amy, I understand that guests have other priorities, but I feel incredibly hurt that such a special occasion is being trumped by a baseball tournament. I feel it’s teaching my nephew skewed priorities. I come from a family of athletes; I understand juggling practice and playing with other priorities.

Should I address this directly or accept it? I don’t want to be an egocentric bride, but this hurts. Please share your perspective. — Disappointed Bride”

Dear Disappointed:

Let me get this straight – you chose one of the busiest weekends of the year to hold your wedding knowing that your nephew and brother-in-law missed your father’s memorial that same weekend the year before. You clearly knew that this was a possibility. I mean, they missed a memorial service over baseball…c’mon.

These types of tournaments are held throughout the year on various holiday weekends with various sports: soccer & Thanksgiving, basketball & Christmas, Football & New Year’s etc etc etc. You should know this since you, allegedly, come from “a family of athletes”.

I don’t believe that this is teaching your nephew to skew his priorities at all. He is obviously doing something that he loves and not doing it out of malice toward you, he’s 12. If you demand that they both be there then that’s a surefire way to make your nephew hate you. I believe you should address it but delicately. Mention that you’re disappointed that they might not be there (yeah, you said might, this could all change and everything could be fine) and hope that if they can make it that you’d obviously love to have them.

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11/12/2014
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Money Talks, And So Does His Brother

“Both my brother and I are in our early 60s. My brother “Sam” is retired but has a wife who still works and makes outstanding money.

Sam continually lectures family members and friends about how much money he has and how they should follow his advice in investing their money. He brags and tells everyone in the family how they should be living their lives.

His arrogance drives everyone crazy! I told him many times that I do not want his financial advice. I tracked all of his financial advice and finally sat him down. I showed him mathematically that if I had followed his advice over the past several years that my wife and I would have lost almost all our life’s savings.

I also told him that family members and friends think he is very arrogant. He started screaming at me, told me that he did not believe a word I said, and ran out of the room.

I haven’t heard from him in several years. He will not answer any of my correspondence. What’s the best way to make him understand that he cannot continue to behave this way? — Concerned Brother”

Dear Brother:

Did he really run out of the room? Because that would be pretty damn dramatic.

Is he really that rich? I imagine your brother walking around in a pin striped suit, slicked back hair, cigar in hand constantly saying “Greed, for lack of a better word, is good.” Or telling you as you pick up your cup of coffee in the morning, “Put that coffee down. Coffee’s for closers only.” But reality never lives up to your imagination…

Tracking down your brother’s past advice and telling him that he was wrong is kind of a dick move on your part. Sure he was wrong, but you didn’t have to do that to him to let him know he was wrong. You wasted a lot of time proving he was wrong and what did that accomplish? You’ve now made an enemy of your brother.

How is he making his money anyway? Perhaps you should just do as he does and not as he says. But this guy sounds like a prick, so don’t encourage him. Ultimately, the best way of dealing with people as loud as your brother is to calmly tell him “Sam, I appreciate your advice but I have my own financial plan that I am following.”

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