Tag Archives: friendship advice

26/03/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Finally Get Involved Face To Face

“We are a group of six women who have been friends (co-workers first) for over 20 years. Some are married, some with grandchildren, and all are retired/semi-retired.

For the last few years, one member of our group has become nearly impossible to reach via phone (no computer/email/cell), and when any of us leaves a voice mail, our calls are seldom returned, with either no reason or some vague or lame excuse (if any) as to why.

She claims her friends are very important, but we are finding that hard to believe. She makes plans with us for lunch, dinner, plays, etc., but often does not show up or calls to say she won’t be joining us. What can we do? — Upset Friends”

Dear Upset:

You say she’s a good friend and yet you can’t take the time to actually go over to her home and see her in person? That sounds to me like the best option to see what’s really going on behind closed doors.

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10/02/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Click, Click, Boom Unfollow

“Three of my Facebook friends are over-the-top animal lovers. They find the worst cases of animal abuse and post pictures of them. I find them shocking (at best).

On numerous occasions these photos show tortured animals. These are truly terrible.

I get it. I know that some animals are abused. I don’t need to see the pictures to be convinced.

Can you suggest how I might encourage these Facebook friends to help these animals without posting pictures?

I would appreciate your help. — Visually Assaulted”

Dear Assaulted:

If you don’t like what they post then you can easily just click on the downward-facing arrow in the top right corner of the post and click “Unfollow”. This will allow you to remain friends with this person but you won’t see their posts anymore. These people aren’t going to stop posting things like this and you commenting on their posts asking them to stop will only incite their rage and possibly lead them to call you insensitive to animal cruelty.

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05/02/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – That Girl Is Poison

“I have a friend who is not really a friend at all. We attend graduate school together. What started out as being in the same study group and saying “hello” in the hallway has turned into a toxic relationship that I can’t endure.

“Emily” always has a million problems, which she deems much worse than what anyone else is going through. For instance, when I told her my childhood pet was very sick and needed to be put to sleep, she told me to “quit throwing myself a pity party” because she had “real” problems.

I have tried just listening politely to her problems, then started distancing myself from her, but this only led to her becoming needier.

She regularly asks for updates on where I am, what I’m doing, what I’m eating, etc., and passes judgment on all aspects of my life.

I have gently informed her I am an adult and do not appreciate this unsolicited advice or being burdened with her problems, but nothing seems to work. I do not know what else to do.

The school is small, and we still have a few years left together, so I don’t want to blow her off completely and risk seeming unprofessional, but I also can’t tolerate her anymore. Do you have suggestions for “breaking up” with her as gracefully as possible? — Fed Up with “Frenemy””

Dear Fed Up:

Do what I did to a few girls I briefly dated: just slowly cut off communication with them so that they get the hint. Yes, I know, I’m an asshole for doing that and I’ve since learned that’s now how a relationship should end. But this girl sounds like she needs this exact treatment. Wean her off of you because “that girl is poison.”

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26/01/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Ugh, Her Parties Suck

“Please update us on current customs, etiquette and hospitality.

My husband and I have a younger friend, “Laura.” She is a psychologist in private practice and a yoga instructor on the weekends.When she had her 35th birthday at a local bar/party room she told everyone to “order lots of food and drink.” We had a can of Sprite and a small bag of potato chips and left early. The next day Laura asked why we left without paying for our refreshments and share of the room rent.

For her 37th birthday, she solicited donations to pay off her student loan. At her 39th birthday party, she had a “smile table” for guests to pay for her dental work (I skipped parties on other years).

Now we are invited to her “wedding.” She was married last year. They are having a reception with “light snacks” on their first anniversary. On the invitation they requested contributions for fertility testing and an IVF procedure.

My husband and I like to help others. We have willingly given Laura thousands of dollars over the years. I’m a retired nurse and volunteer many hours caring for homeless people.

Should we start saving for their eventual down payment on a house? — Bewildered in Seattle”

Dear Bewildered:

This girl just want people to finance her lifestyle. Don’t give in. You’ve already given more than enough. She is at the point in her life where she needs to be doing things herself and stop asking others.

There is clearly a pattern for soliciting money. She encourages people to “order lots of food and drink” and then gets mad when you don’t pay for your soda and chips? I’m willing to bet that there were some party-goers who did as they were told and when the bill came for them they must’ve been surprised because she made it sound like she was going to pay for it all. This is the kind of person who would divide up the check evenly amongst an entire group of people even though some people’s meals were significantly less. Those people annoy me.

Break the pattern. Wish her well in her marriage and leave it at that.

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12/01/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Friends With Daughter’s Ex? Sounds Like A Movie I Know…

“My 21-year-old daughter broke up with her boyfriend of four years, “Bradley,” about six months ago. It was the right decision for her and she has moved on.

From what my daughter tells me, he was devastated. Bradley is a hardworking young man who put himself through college and has plans to continue his education. My husband and I offered guidance to him when he was with our daughter, as his family was not able to. He was like a son to us.

My husband and I are grieving! Bradley spent countless hours in our home. He was part of our family.

We have seen him once since the breakup and have exchanged a couple of short emails.

In hindsight, I realize we should not have allowed ourselves to get so attached.

Knowing this situation, what are your thoughts on us staying in touch with him? My head tells me that we should not, but my heart says otherwise. — Saddened Parent”

Dear Saddened:

This LITERALLY sounds like one of the plot points from Meet The Parents. You guys are the Robert DeNiro, Blythe Danner couple and this ex-boyfriend is Owen Wilson. You will need to be careful how this friendship develops and how you cultivate it around your daughter, just like in the movie – although that was under entirely different, and fictional, circumstances. Because if you’re not careful, the next think you know you’ll be carving a beech tree and palling around making your daughters new boyfriend uncomfortable because he’s a male nurse and that’s funny because he’s a man in a predominantly woman’s profession even though there are plenty of male nurses in the world…

OK, be honest with your daughter about this friendship and she will be honest with you. Otherwise you’re close to becoming the plot of a movie that came out 15 years ago.

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