Tag Archives: friendship

09/04/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Return To Sender

“Over time I have received repeated invitations for dinner, a play, a special event, etc., from acquaintances whose company and activities I don’t enjoy. If I meet them on the street or in the neighborhood, a few minutes of pleasant conversation is fine. Otherwise I find them boring, high-pressure and totally involved in things I don’t care about or want to spend my time on.

If I accept invitations I feel an obligation to reciprocate, which is annoying.

I don’t enjoy their interests (opera, travel, expensive trips, constant socializing and their high-octane chatter) or company, so is it reasonable just to say, “That’s not something I really enjoy and need to pass up at this time. But thank you for thinking of me”?

It seems harsh but I am tired of making lame excuses that serve no purpose long term. — Dreading Those Invitations”

Dear Dreading:

You don’t enjoy travel?

You don’t enjoy travel.

A part of me finds this mind boggling. Another part finds it refreshing. EVERY SINGLE WOMAN I would see on dating sites would list how much they loooooooove to travel and I would say (in my head) “Oh really? You like to get away from your home and go someplace new and exciting? That makes you special and interesting….” NO IT DOESN’T!!! IT MAKES YOU LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!! Gah! But that’s another story for another time.

Your choice is simple: politely decline their invitations and say you’re not interested. That will stop them from badgering you and it could lead to them presenting you with different events to go to that you might enjoy.

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26/03/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Finally Get Involved Face To Face

“We are a group of six women who have been friends (co-workers first) for over 20 years. Some are married, some with grandchildren, and all are retired/semi-retired.

For the last few years, one member of our group has become nearly impossible to reach via phone (no computer/email/cell), and when any of us leaves a voice mail, our calls are seldom returned, with either no reason or some vague or lame excuse (if any) as to why.

She claims her friends are very important, but we are finding that hard to believe. She makes plans with us for lunch, dinner, plays, etc., but often does not show up or calls to say she won’t be joining us. What can we do? — Upset Friends”

Dear Upset:

You say she’s a good friend and yet you can’t take the time to actually go over to her home and see her in person? That sounds to me like the best option to see what’s really going on behind closed doors.

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10/02/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Click, Click, Boom Unfollow

“Three of my Facebook friends are over-the-top animal lovers. They find the worst cases of animal abuse and post pictures of them. I find them shocking (at best).

On numerous occasions these photos show tortured animals. These are truly terrible.

I get it. I know that some animals are abused. I don’t need to see the pictures to be convinced.

Can you suggest how I might encourage these Facebook friends to help these animals without posting pictures?

I would appreciate your help. — Visually Assaulted”

Dear Assaulted:

If you don’t like what they post then you can easily just click on the downward-facing arrow in the top right corner of the post and click “Unfollow”. This will allow you to remain friends with this person but you won’t see their posts anymore. These people aren’t going to stop posting things like this and you commenting on their posts asking them to stop will only incite their rage and possibly lead them to call you insensitive to animal cruelty.

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05/02/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – That Girl Is Poison

“I have a friend who is not really a friend at all. We attend graduate school together. What started out as being in the same study group and saying “hello” in the hallway has turned into a toxic relationship that I can’t endure.

“Emily” always has a million problems, which she deems much worse than what anyone else is going through. For instance, when I told her my childhood pet was very sick and needed to be put to sleep, she told me to “quit throwing myself a pity party” because she had “real” problems.

I have tried just listening politely to her problems, then started distancing myself from her, but this only led to her becoming needier.

She regularly asks for updates on where I am, what I’m doing, what I’m eating, etc., and passes judgment on all aspects of my life.

I have gently informed her I am an adult and do not appreciate this unsolicited advice or being burdened with her problems, but nothing seems to work. I do not know what else to do.

The school is small, and we still have a few years left together, so I don’t want to blow her off completely and risk seeming unprofessional, but I also can’t tolerate her anymore. Do you have suggestions for “breaking up” with her as gracefully as possible? — Fed Up with “Frenemy””

Dear Fed Up:

Do what I did to a few girls I briefly dated: just slowly cut off communication with them so that they get the hint. Yes, I know, I’m an asshole for doing that and I’ve since learned that’s now how a relationship should end. But this girl sounds like she needs this exact treatment. Wean her off of you because “that girl is poison.”

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12/01/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Friends With Daughter’s Ex? Sounds Like A Movie I Know…

“My 21-year-old daughter broke up with her boyfriend of four years, “Bradley,” about six months ago. It was the right decision for her and she has moved on.

From what my daughter tells me, he was devastated. Bradley is a hardworking young man who put himself through college and has plans to continue his education. My husband and I offered guidance to him when he was with our daughter, as his family was not able to. He was like a son to us.

My husband and I are grieving! Bradley spent countless hours in our home. He was part of our family.

We have seen him once since the breakup and have exchanged a couple of short emails.

In hindsight, I realize we should not have allowed ourselves to get so attached.

Knowing this situation, what are your thoughts on us staying in touch with him? My head tells me that we should not, but my heart says otherwise. — Saddened Parent”

Dear Saddened:

This LITERALLY sounds like one of the plot points from Meet The Parents. You guys are the Robert DeNiro, Blythe Danner couple and this ex-boyfriend is Owen Wilson. You will need to be careful how this friendship develops and how you cultivate it around your daughter, just like in the movie – although that was under entirely different, and fictional, circumstances. Because if you’re not careful, the next think you know you’ll be carving a beech tree and palling around making your daughters new boyfriend uncomfortable because he’s a male nurse and that’s funny because he’s a man in a predominantly woman’s profession even though there are plenty of male nurses in the world…

OK, be honest with your daughter about this friendship and she will be honest with you. Otherwise you’re close to becoming the plot of a movie that came out 15 years ago.

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