Tag Archives: JWJ

28/09/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Living Alone But Not Lonely

“I’m having some difficulties with my siblings. Recently I’ve moved into my own place. I love it.

The problem is that because I live alone, my siblings believe that I’m somehow lonely. They keep trying to get me to go on blind dates with people they know, and saying stuff like, “You should meet this guy, he’s great.” Or, “How can you spend so much time by yourself? When are you going to have kids? You’ll make a great mom.”

I’ve been turning them down so often that some of them have shifted to, “You should meet this girl I know,” which is even more annoying because I’m straight.

The thing of it is, my parents got divorced when I was a preteen and ever since then, I took care of other people — my younger siblings, my older sibling’s children, and a parent who was ill.

For the first time in my life, the only person I have to take care of is me, and I’m in no rush to change that. Does that seem selfish? — Solitary and Happy Sister”

Dear Sister:

Selfish? Nah. You seem content and happy with who you are. In turn, people who are happy in relationships – your siblings perhaps – feel the need to impose their version of happiness onto you. In their eyes if you are not experiencing the same happiness as them, then you are not happy – ergo they keep trying to set you up on dates and meet people. It’s annoying but they are only looking out for you and want you to be happy.

Tell them what you just told me. You are cherishing this newfound solitude and want to enjoy it before rushing into anything.

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27/09/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Best Friend Code Violated? I Think So!

“Last year I introduced my long-time best friend and her husband to my new next-door neighbors. All of us got together as couples. Right afterward I found out that my best friend and her husband invited my new neighbors to dinner. She never mentioned to me that she would like to get to know them better.

Best Friend has also visited the next-door neighbors, bringing a bottle of wine. I found out after the fact from the new neighbor.

This secrecy has made me distrustful and somewhat confused and hurt by the actions of my old friend. I have always been an open book with my closest friends, but she’s not like that. She tends to blow off any concerns I express and act like it’s not a big deal. I’ve overlooked small (and some big) slights in the past, but this neighbor thing (on top of other things) has changed my feelings about our friendship.

Am I being overly sensitive or did she break the “best friend code” by pursuing a friendship with my new next-door neighbors/friends without even mentioning it to me? — Disturbed”

Dear Disturbed:

It seems like she poached your neighbor/friend. That’s definitely a no-no in the Best Friend Code book.

The fact that Best Friend is meeting up with the neighbor in secret (you finding out after-the-fact would make it a secret) is troublesome. She could have easily said that she wanted to get to know her better and filled you in on it, but she chose cloak and dagger. That’s revealing.

Maybe she’s tired of hanging around with you all of the time and now she has some variety in her friendship circle. Maybe she figures that you two already live next door and must see each other all of the time so she feels that this isn’t a big deal. Whatever the case may be, you should bring it up with Best Friend. Camping out by the blinds to catch a glimpse of her going next door and then catching her red handed isn’t the way to do it…or maybe…

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27/09/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Nothing Worse Than Adult Bullies

“It seems (more and more) that people are forgetting boundaries and simple manners. There seems to be a sense that their own entitlement makes them believe that they are allowed to confront a mother as she is purchasing groceries via the WIC program. Or shame a person who while they don’t appear to be disabled, still requires the use of a handicap tag and parking space.

Oh — and then there is the gem of, “You really shouldn’t be eating that.”

What does one say to intervene in the least confrontational way possible? Or is the answer to mind your own business? — Want to Intervene”

Dear Want:

It’s in situations like this where I stare glaringly at people to show my disapproval with their words.

I also find that people who are gung-ho organic or vegan or vegetarian try and force you to change your ways because you eat meat. Spouting out things like “Eating meat is worse for the drought because they have to give the water to the cows.” And I look and go “Yet they also use the water to water the plants that you eat, so what should we eat? Everything needs water!” OK, I’ll be honest, I don’t really say that I just think it. So I avoid the confrontation because they cannot be talked to rationally.

The best thing to do is to be positive. Those people belittling the mother or the handicapped person have no manners. They need to put others down to prop themselves up. This is just another form of bullying and to show that it’s not tolerated comfort the person who is being attacked and let them know it’s OK. Don’t sink to the aggressor’s level and berate them because people like that cannot be reasoned with.

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27/09/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Be The Uncool Mom Here

“I am the mother to a 15-year-old daughter who is a freshman in high school. She attends a prestigious private school and she has great grades and generally makes very good choices.

I have never heard anything out of her about trying drugs or alcohol, but the other day she asked me if it was “cool with me” that she attended a kegger every once in a while.

I am torn because since she chose to go from public to private school, she is no longer with a majority of her friends, and she sees these keggers as a social event and nothing else. I want her to have fun in high school like I did, but I also don’t know if it is right to accept underage drinking. What should I do? — Distraught Mom”

Dear Distraught:

She’s 15.

15!

Last I checked the drinking age in this country is 21. Sure kids will get around that, I did (but not a lot until I got to college), but as a parent you should not condone it. Tell your daughter that she is allowed to see her old friends in other social settings. A kegger is no place for a 15-year-old. So it’s not “cool with you” for her to attend one. You need to be looking out for her well being and not her social status.

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23/09/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – How To Be Anti-Social on The Social Network

“I am a 60-something-year-old woman who, although I am very “up” on all technology, absolutely hates Facebook! I find it intrusive and a place where most of the posts I’ve read on other people’s pages are just downright bragging about kids, grandkids, money, etc., etc. Some of the posts are completely stupid.

I have a friend who decided it would be a great idea to become FB friends with my 30-year-old daughter.

Now she repeats everything that is on my daughter’s page and it drives me completely nuts. I have told her how much I hate Facebook but she just doesn’t get it. If I did go on Facebook, I would never go on her daughter’s page. I am not that nosy and I don’t need to read every little comment that is made or look at pictures of people I have no interest in. Any suggestions on how I should go about this without losing my friend over it? — Furious over Facebook”

Dear Furious:

Facebook, and similar sites, are social networks. They are an extension of yourself into the digital realm. The difference between real life and the digital world is that you can control what you put out there for people to see, what you report on, and what you post. For someone who is “‘up’ on all technology” you seem to lack this basic understanding. You can be friends with anyone you choose, or not choose. You can even be friends with someone but unfollow them so you wouldn’t see anything they posted but still be their friend. Hell, you could be friends with TONS of people but unfollow them all so you would see nothing but still be “connected” on Facebook.

By joining you could also do away with the entire conversation you have with this friend. You could say “Yes, I saw that because I’m on Facebook now” and that could hopefully end the conversation. You could even lie about seeing said post to stop that topic from ever coming up again. This is pretty anti-social, but it would get your friend off your back.

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