Tag Archives: JWJ

17/08/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Call Him, Maybe?

“My boyfriend and I are leaving soon to go to different colleges. Our universities are three hours away from each other.

The thing is — I am scared!

I trust him, but he cannot communicate well. I know it sounds childish but when he takes a really long time to answer texts, I worry about how a long-distance relationship will work.

Sometimes he takes hours to text me back, unless I end my text with a question mark.

I love him and he loves me. We have talked about our future and I can see having a future with him, but what should I do?

I do not want to be upset and I do not want to break up, but if he never listens to how serious I am when it comes to communication, do you think I should move on?

Please help me. — College Girl”

Dear College Girl:

Here’s a novel idea: CALL HIM!! I know it’s generally frowned upon by today’s youth, but that’s what those machines were originally built for … if you didn’t know.

Or, since you already know how to get a response from him, you could just end every single text with a question mark. Thus prompting him to respond. But he doesn’t seem that dumb to need a question mark to respond quickly since he’s bound to have responded to other messages without that punctuation. Or is he…?

In any event, long-distance relationships rarely work out – especially when it comes to college. Even though you are a mere three hours away it will feel like a lifetime. If it’s this hard to get him to respond when you are still in the same zip code, then imagine that compounded with the challenges of college and whatever else life brings. Instead of hours, you could be waiting days for a response. And that’s no bueno.

I’m not telling you to break things off with him over a few delayed text responses, but, college is tough enough without having to worry about a boy who doesn’t respond in a timely manner. So, like I said: CALL HIM! And if that doesn’t work, give him a taste of his own medicine and delay responding to him, but make sure you turn off the “read receipt” before you do.

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15/08/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – A Ride Home? Or Someplace Else???

“My partner and I have been dating for a year. We’re in love, but over time the frequency and irrationality of his jealousy seem to have increased — or so I think.

Yesterday after work (I’m a substitute teacher) a male co-worker I had just met offered me a lift home — over an hour away. I naively thought it was a friendly gesture. Quite soon into the ride he suggested we stop for a drink. I quickly asserted that I am in a committed relationship with a fabulous guy.

At the end of the journey he insisted I take his phone number and, not wanting to be rude, I obliged. I had no intention of contacting him.

As soon as I saw my partner I told him the whole thing because it was so awkward. Out of left field he went into a jealous rage. He insisted I had not considered his feelings and accused me of not putting him first because I didn’t call and tell him who I was with as soon as I got into the car.

I told him he was being overly jealous and has no reason not to trust me. He insists it’s my responsibility to reassure him, since he assumes the worst.

Is my partner justified in his anger? Was I wrong to accept a lift and neglect to call him?

I love him dearly and want us to work, but not at the expense of my sanity.

Am I completely crazy? — Stressed Partner”

Dear Stressed:

Your partner is highly possessive of you. That’s a bad sign. If he flips out over a ride home – which you immediately told him about when you got home because it was so awkward – then maybe you need to think about if you should be with him long term.

You weren’t wrong to accept the ride since you needed one, but a simple text of “Hey Jason, I’m getting a ride home with Brad who teaches at the school here. I’ll see you in a bit!” would’ve sufficed. Remember that for next time. Your partner should be mad at your co-worker since you told him you were in a relationship and yet he still gave you his number. That’s shady.

 

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13/08/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – The Meal Doesn’t Come With A Side of Mobile Phone

“My husband and I are parents of seven adult children, ranging in age from 25 to 34. Recently two of our kids (and one spouse) came home for a visit and we noticed they were never far from their cellphones and even at the kitchen table were on their phones texting or checking their mail.

We consider these times together special and my husband, especially, noticed that they were less “present” when on their phones texting, etc.

This Christmas all kids and spouses are coming home for our reunion. Everyone comes home and these are special times, especially since we now have grandchildren.

The out-of-towners all stay with us.

Our question is about the cellphone use during our celebrations and meal times. When we are together at the Christmas dinner table we wish our kids would put the phones away, except for picture taking.

My husband wants to set some rules during these family gatherings.

I am hesitant to set the stage with rules that might make some of these adults crabby.

What do you think? — Babi”

Dear Babi:

These are the times we live in unfortunately. Where someone cannot go 10 minutes without checking their phone (this is especially true in movie theatres, but that’s another ball of wax). I admit, I am guilty of this techno-sin when it comes to mealtime but I am vigilant in my mission to stop such activity completely. At dinner, and other meals at home, I make sure to put my phone far enough away from me like in another room or at the other end of the table so I can be present in the meal and the company I am in. If I am out to dinner with friends or family or on a date I keep my phone in my pocket and don’t bring it out until it’s appropriate.

Ideally you would have all of your guests leave their phones, tablets, gaming devices etc in another room at mealtime but that could mean someone could sneak away and check it. If you were to gather them all up and have them on a table nearby, face down, it would really test their resolve. They would hear the phones vibrating on the table but not know whose phone was buzzing. It’d be like a murder mystery that you don’t want to solve because it would disrupt the meal. I have been on dinners with friends (not a bunch of people mind you) where the first person to bring out their phone had to buy a round of drinks for everyone at the table. You could do something similar, except make the punishment cleaning up instead of buying drinks.

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12/08/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – There Goes The Neighborhood? Nah

“I live in a neighborhood of 10 houses. Half of the residents are over 55 and others are in their 30s. Every year one of the “older” residents has a Christmas party and a summer barbecue. She sends out invitations requesting an RSVP. The newer neighbors either don’t RSVP until the day before, or RSVP earlier and either cancel or don’t show.

It’s almost as if they wait to see if a better offer comes up. If she runs into someone who hasn’t RSVP’d and asks if they are coming, they tell her, “will let her know.” Is this a generational thing? Are they so busy they forget? Are they constantly weighing their options? Or are they so pompous that they think their presence is a gift to the rest of us and we should tolerate their lack of consideration. And we wonder where the old neighborhoods have gone! — Glad I’m Not Hosting”

Dear Glad:

Sadly, this is how most of my generation, and those close to my age, respond to events.

They will linger until the last possible moment and then go “Oh yeah… I can go to that…I’ve got nothing else going on.” Most people won’t RSVP unless it says that it’s required of them. If it’s written on there “Must reply by MM/DD” then that might spur them to make concrete plans. It works for me if I am ever wavering going to an event. But, I know for me, if I RSVP to something that I am attending – I attend. Sometimes there are instances that arise last minute that cause me not to show up and that might be the case with some of these cancellations.

It is important to remember that some people are so busy that they forget. Their lives aren’t all about BBQ’s and neighborhood parties. They have other things going on in their lives. But don’t think that your generation is above it all because some of these things may have also been done by people your age as well. If you do, then it will get awfully lonely in your ivory tower.

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11/08/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Put Your Behind In The Past

“I dated a guy on and off for eight years. After finally breaking things off with him, I have been single now for the last three years.

I have not been on a date for the whole three years that I have been single. I am an attractive woman, but I can’t seem to attract any man since I broke up with my last boyfriend. I also have trust issues I cannot seem to shake off. Please help me control my past. — Wondering Single”

Dear Wondering:

“You got to put your behind in the past.” – Pumba

I can’t help you control your past. You need to learn from what happened and move forward. That’s the only way you’ll find someone.

Let me tell you that there’s never been a worse time to be single than right now. Honestly. First of all there are bars and places where you could traditionally meet people that are generally a nightmare and filled with the people with whom you don’t want to have a relationship. Then there are the dating sites and apps that make it easier to find people who don’t like to go to those bars. They will share your common interests but some people just want to chat and never want to meet up. Others will only want friendship from you, leading you on making you believe that you have something special.

It sucks. It truly, utterly sucks.

If there is a silver lining then it is that there are success stories out there. You just need to try other places to meet people.

Ultimately, be confident in yourself and you will attract that guy. Forget all that negativity I just spewed out as I was partially venting my own frustrations and exude confidence. You’ll be set if you do.

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