Tag Archives: JWJ

24/04/2015
Leave a comment
Advice

“Jaw With John” – Gramma Can Only See Color

“I am a grandmother, with four beautiful/handsome grandchildren.

Our oldest grandchild is a beautiful, blond, smart 18-year-old girl. We are Caucasian. She is dating an African American and we in the family are disappointed and outraged.

She sees nothing wrong with this. We all have black friends and acquaintances, but dating or marrying African Americans has never crossed our minds.

I know it’s not as taboo as it was years ago, but we just can’t see this happening. We’ve tried telling her it’s not an easy road to travel and that there are consequences with this relationship. Help! She says we are racists. Are we? — Disappointed Gramma”

Dear Gramma:

You’re racist.

Those who are outraged are racist.

Plain and simple.

What “consequences” are there with this relationship? I see none. You only see the color of his skin and cling to an outdated notion that people of different races cannot be together. “It’s not as taboo as it was years ago,” because it’s not taboo at all.

You say you have friends and acquaintances who are black but I doubt they’re truly your friends. If they knew how you felt about your granddaughter dating a black man then I’m sure they’d tell you what I already know.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,
23/04/2015
Leave a comment
Advice

“Jaw With John” – Fiance’s Out, But She Still Wants A Wedding…Uh, What?

“My sister has been engaged for the past year and has everything planned for a wedding this summer. However, her fiance has recently contacted her to let her know he is no longer interested in marrying her.

My sister is distraught, but we have a four-month window to cancel the hotel, the band, etc., and still recoup a large portion of the deposit money.

My sister does not want us to cancel anything. She has told us multiple times that if we cancel the wedding, she won’t have the opportunity to fix this broken relationship, and she will wind up never getting married. She is having a very hard time coming to terms with her current situation. Meanwhile, her fiance has moved out of their home and is living with a friend.

If we do not cancel the venue we stand to lose many thousands of dollars, but we still want to support my sister. What is the right thing to do? — Distraught”

Dear Distraught:

Your sister is living in Crazy Town and not the one populated by the band of the same name.

This thing with her fiance is done, finished. The relationship is not broken at this point, it’s shattered. Keeping the wedding afloat in the hopes that he’ll reconsider is the pipiest(new word) of pipe dreams. He’s moved out and moved on. Wasting money on this extravagant party – which it’s just that at this point, a party – is a truly horrible idea.

What if he doesn’t show? Which he won’t. How crushed will she be when that happens? That would be worse than calling off the whole thing. It would be traumatizing and she may never recover from the humiliation. You can’t let her go through with this plan.

By canceling everything now you are supporting her future.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
22/04/2015
Leave a comment
Advice

“Jaw With John” – This Isn’t Project X, That’s Too Many People

“I invited a friend and her family (husband and two children) to vacation with us at my parents’ home this summer.

My parents were willing to host all of us (four adults and four children) in their home.

While at a party at my friend’s home, one guest, a friend of hers, commented that our summer plans sounded like fun. In response, my friend invited her friend and two children to my parents’ home for this trip.

My friend turned to me, in front of her friend and others, and asked if it was OK that they join us.

I felt as if I were backed into a corner and had to be amenable to the invitation or risk upsetting and/or angering someone.

I told my parents about the recent development and they were quite upset that my friend invited others to their home without consulting them.

Including my parents, there will be 13 people staying at my parents’ home for five nights. My parents are older and I cannot expect them to feed all of these guests, invited or not, during their stay.

I am not sure how to handle this situation without upsetting or angering anyone.

I want to put stipulations upon the visit, for instance, guests provide their own food, beverages, linens, etc., for their stay, but how? — Taken Advantage Of”

Dear Taken:

“I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom I can tell you I don’t have money, but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you, but if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you.”

Sorry, I had to. I mean, you responded with “Taken” so I ran with it…

But seriously, this is all on you. You could’ve easily taken the reins and said “I’m sorry but the house is already full enough as it is.” But you didn’t and now you need to go over to this friend of hers and tell her that she is no longer invited. For future reference: grow a pair.

You can say “I talked it over with my parents and while they would enjoy your company it would be too many people under one roof for them to accommodate.” In this situation you cannot be concerned with angering people since it’s not just you who is affected by the situation. It just needs to be done.

The friend you originally invited is also a bad guest. She thought that since she was going that she could invite anyone she wanted. That’s just poor etiquette.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
22/04/2015
2 Comments
Advice

“Jaw With John” – After Four Months Your Lips Are Dry

“I met someone through eHarmony and have been seeing him for four months.

He is kind and attentive. He doesn’t smoke, drink or gamble. He has a steady, well-paying job. Neither of us has previous relationship experience, and he often thanks me for being so patient with him.

However, after four months he says he is still not ready to kiss me. Is it too much to expect some sort of physical expression after four months?

He is thoughtful in every other way, but I am very frustrated.

I now feel that the spark is gone. I don’t regret meeting him and would like him to remain a part of my life, but as a friend rather than a romantic partner.

Is there a way to ignite the chemistry? Will it come as he builds his comfort level?

Should I stay with him even if I’m left unsatisfied and jealous of other happy couples? — Hoping for More”

Dear Hoping:

The dude won’t kiss you? You must feel like Never Been Kissed except you’re not in high school or disguising yourself to look like a high school student for a newspaper and you’ve been kissed before…moving on!

There are two scenarios here that I believe to be the most plausible given your situation. #1 He’s gay OR #2 He’s just not that into you.

I’ve been where you are Hoping and you just need to express your feelings and tell him or else you’re doomed to wonder “what if?” or “what’s wrong with me?” and it will drive you insane. Four months of dating without a kiss is kinda bullshit and you know it.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,
18/04/2015
Leave a comment
Advice

“Jaw With John” – Your Husband Is Tobias Funke Now

“My husband and I are in our 50s with grown children who are on their own. We are youthful and healthy and, up until recently, our marriage was monogamous. Some time ago, we talked at length about sexual experimentation in the form of “open” marriage.

In fact, my husband was the one who suggested the idea, and we struck a deal. We agreed that if I wanted to get involved with someone else, it would be OK with him and he would feel free to do the same.

Well, I did and he didn’t.

Even though it’s only a once-in-a-while thing for me (with one man), I’m finding it very enjoyable, almost addictive. My husband and I get along well and still share an active sexual life, but he’s feeling slighted because he hasn’t found anyone else, and now he’s pressuring me to end my relationship.

The other man wants to continue, and to be perfectly honest, so do I.

My husband admits that if he also had “something going” right now, he would be OK with my relationship. The only one feeling left out at the moment is the guy who started this whole thing. What should I do? — Part of a Triangle”

Dear Part:

I’ll just leave this Tobias Funke moment from Arrested Development here:

And then your husband’s reaction, presumably, to your new found sexual relationship here:

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
← Older posts
Newer posts →