“Last year I introduced my long-time best friend and her husband to my new next-door neighbors. All of us got together as couples. Right afterward I found out that my best friend and her husband invited my new neighbors to dinner. She never mentioned to me that she would like to get to know them better.
Best Friend has also visited the next-door neighbors, bringing a bottle of wine. I found out after the fact from the new neighbor.
This secrecy has made me distrustful and somewhat confused and hurt by the actions of my old friend. I have always been an open book with my closest friends, but she’s not like that. She tends to blow off any concerns I express and act like it’s not a big deal. I’ve overlooked small (and some big) slights in the past, but this neighbor thing (on top of other things) has changed my feelings about our friendship.
Am I being overly sensitive or did she break the “best friend code” by pursuing a friendship with my new next-door neighbors/friends without even mentioning it to me? — Disturbed”
Dear Disturbed:
It seems like she poached your neighbor/friend. That’s definitely a no-no in the Best Friend Code book.
The fact that Best Friend is meeting up with the neighbor in secret (you finding out after-the-fact would make it a secret) is troublesome. She could have easily said that she wanted to get to know her better and filled you in on it, but she chose cloak and dagger. That’s revealing.
Maybe she’s tired of hanging around with you all of the time and now she has some variety in her friendship circle. Maybe she figures that you two already live next door and must see each other all of the time so she feels that this isn’t a big deal. Whatever the case may be, you should bring it up with Best Friend. Camping out by the blinds to catch a glimpse of her going next door and then catching her red handed isn’t the way to do it…or maybe…
John Kidde Writes 