Tag Archives: wife

16/03/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Porn-Loving Husband Isn’t Aroused By Wife

“My husband and I have been married for 28 years. We’ve had some ups and downs, but we have three great (adult) kids, a nice house, decent jobs, no debt, and we generally get along well.

A couple of years ago I found out that my husband had been viewing Internet porn. A lot.

I was devastated. I’ve never had great self-esteem where my appearance is concerned, and my husband has never been one to pay compliments.

We went to counseling and he said all the right things. I told him I was crushed by what he was doing and that I needed to know that he finds me physically attractive. I said this often, in sessions and at home.

More than a year later I still don’t get compliments. I know he no longer views porn, and I know that he loves me and appreciates me, but I can’t understand why he can’t do this for me.

I know I am just an average middle-aged woman, but I am not overweight, I take good care of myself, I am involved in many activities. Though I know I’m nowhere near perfect, when I look in the mirror I am OK with what I see. Should I just get over it?

Should I accept that this is MY problem and that he is not ever going to say what I need to hear, and just drop it and appreciate the good things in my life? I rarely mention this to him anymore. — Dejected”

Dear Dejected:

Firstly, what kind of porn was your husband looking at? Because if it was GILF’s and/or overweight women then I think you’re in the clear … Sort of, but that’s a whole other ball of wax. Porn … porn is weird. It’s changed so much in the last 30-40 years. Where there were once films featuring natural men and women there are now videos populated with silicon and plastic … sigh. But that’s also a whole other ball of wax and not relating to you at all.

He’s not viewing porn anymore which is great, but he’s still not acknowledging you and you should know that it’s a two-way street. You need to reach out and tell him “Hey, you look nice/handsome/sexy today” and then, maybe then, it will draw him into realizing that you are still attracted to him and in turn he will give you compliments.

And if all else fails, is there anything you would be willing to do to spice up the physical attraction/sexual energy without reintroducing porn into the mix? Maybe some role playing will jump start the old “engines”???

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05/03/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Many Marriages Maketh The Man

“Many years ago, my first wife’s father died suddenly. My wife totally changed and this led to a divorce.

In my marriages that followed (and there were several), something unexpected arose, unraveling the relationships. I ask myself, “Was it just bad luck or poor judgment?”

I have been married to a wonderful woman for the last 32 years (no more surprises!). I have been a great husband and she is happy.

Yet in discussions about relationships within her family, people actually have had the nerve to say, “And how many times have you been married?” Although most of my marriages were at an early age, I am still held accountable for those failures.

How do I rid myself of the stigma I carry? — Tired of Taking It”

Dear Tired:

You gotta own it bro. That’s the only way you can move on, which you have since you’ve been married for 32 years. Be self-deprecating when it’s brought up. If done right, it can be funny and add levity to the whole situation and will help you move on. It will also show others that you’re not your past marriages and could lead to them not bringing it up again.

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25/02/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – ‘What if?’ Is Driving Him Nuts

“My wife and I have had (and continue to have) a great marriage of almost 40 years. We are both in our 60s, with two grown children and two grandchildren.

Lately I have developed a nagging curiosity about my wife’s relationship with a boyfriend she was apparently very much in love with before I met her.

She only briefly discussed him with me a few years ago, after his name came up at a social gathering. There has never been any contact with him during our marriage, so why do I wonder about this now? — Just Curious”

Dear Curious:

“What if?” That’s what’s driving you now. Those two simple words are taking control of your brain and your thoughts causing you to worry about something that clearly isn’t a problem. How do I know it’s not a problem? Because you’ve been married for almost 40 years! Unless your wife is going all Diane Lane in Unfaithful – which I doubt – then you have nothing to worry about.

There are two things you can do: 1. Let this question eat at you as you ponder and wonder “what might have been?” or “why did they…?” until it drives you nuts. OR 2. Straight up ask your wife WTF happened to that guy.

Maybe he died. Maybe she moved. Maybe he cheated on her. Maybe she met you.

I recommend doing #2.

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09/02/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – I Love Watching You Text People While We Hang Out…

“My wife and I disagree on cellphone etiquette.

I do not think it is right to interrupt a conversation to take text messages during a date, at dinner or any time we are talking.

My wife says the opposite, that it is impolite to interrupt her texting to ask a question or for her not to respond to a text immediately, even if we are engaged in a date, dinner or conversation.

Your thoughts on this are greatly appreciated. — Admirer in Oregon”

Dear Admirer:

Your wife is probably one of those people who leaves her phone on during a movie and when it vibrates with a text, she answers it and ruins the entire experience for everyone, isn’t she? Those people are the worst. They can’t leave their phone alone for 2+hours…

Is your wife a surgeon? Is she in charge of a NASA space mission? Is she the President of a country? If the answer to these questions is “No” then your wife is in the wrong here. Your wife is the one being impolite to you and others by saying that her phone/messages take precedence over the people in front of her. And for her to say that you are being impolite by asking her a question while she is texting is just plain bitch status. Whenever I am out on a date or with friends I am in that moment and look at my phone sparingly. She is being rude and needs to know that her behavior is no longer tolerated.

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31/01/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Sounds Like Middle Child Syndrome To Me

“When do parents quit paying for their children? We live frugally and put all three of our children through expensive schools so they could graduate debt-free. My son is 33 and getting married for the first time. His fiancee was married before.

They decided to get married at an expensive all-inclusive resort. Our son thinks we should pay for his rehearsal dinner for all 35 wedding guests. He says if we don’t do this, it won’t be fair to him.

We paid for the rehearsal dinner for my eldest son 10 years ago. We gave my daughter $5,000 for her wedding. We both had well-paying jobs at the time. We also spent $18,000 for attorneys for our eldest son’s divorce (he risked losing custody of his kids).

We are both retired now and living off Social Security and savings. My son has a well-paying job and his fiancee is interviewing for jobs. When will this stop? — Strapped Parents”

Dear Strapped:

“When will this stop?” When you’re dead.

As far as the rehearsal dinner goes, I feel that he’s old enough – and you said he has a “well-paying job” – that he can fit the bill for the dinner. He’s already put the event at an expensive resort so why must you now pay. Isn’t the Father of the Bride supposed to pay for these things? Or was Steve Martin leading me on for all these years? I don’t know wedding protocol so this goes beyond my expertise, but I do know when someone is being taken advantage of, and that someone is you and your husband.

He knows you’re retired and on limited funds and yet still asks for moolah. Is he a middle child? This sounds very middle childish to me. He’s the last one married, wants the same that his brother and sister had, wants to make up for it by getting what he wants, blah blah blah.

Tell your son how you feel and maybe you guys can compromise. If not, order pizza or something and see how it goes.

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