“I need your perspective.
My wife and I have been married for 35 years, and even though she is rarely interested in me, I don’t think she has ever been physically unfaithful. But ever since the technology has become available she has been a drunk texter. For a long time she denied it, but she finally admitted that she was sending “flirty, silly” messages to male friends of ours. Even though I told her I thought it was inappropriate and disrespectful, she insisted it was just harmless fun.
Then she received a text one night after she was asleep. I tried to ignore it, but her phone kept beeping every five minutes. So I finally got her phone out of her purse and pushed the OK button to make it stop. I didn’t read the message or anything.
The next day when she saw she had a missed text, she became unglued. She yelled at me, accusing me of reading her texts and checking her call log. When I explained what really happened, she called me a liar. That’s when I began wondering what was in there that she was so worried I would see. She claimed there was nothing, that it was just a privacy issue. So then I called her a liar and we had an ongoing dispute for a week with both of us saying a lot of mean things.
Fortunately we have mostly gotten past it, but I can’t stop wondering what was in her phone that day. I contend there should not be anything in there that her spouse could not see. And she continues to insist there isn’t and that it is just a privacy issue. What do you think? — Hurt and Confused”
Dear Confused:
Whoa whoa whoa! “Even though she is rarely interested in me”??? Did you hear yourself there? I don’t think your wife loves you dude. I’ve drunk texted many times before. Sometimes these things have been as harmless as telling someone where I was. Other times they’ve been videos of me talking to my phone telling myself how drunk I am at that moment. It’s a mixed bag. But it can be dangerous and in this instance, it sounds as such.
This issue though goes BEYOND privacy and straight into possibly being unfaithful. What she is doing is not “harmless”, as she claims, since it is causing you to question your wife’s fidelity. You said it yourself that she’s not interested in you and you sound just interested enough to try and keep her around when you probably shouldn’t.
John Kidde Writes 