Monthly Archives: March 2015

07/03/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – When It’s Time To Party, Party Hard … In Moderation

“My friend and I were always the party girls in our group, always up for a good time, drinking and dancing until the sun came up. I treasured the close bond we shared and our fun, carefree lifestyle.

I recently became pregnant and my husband and I are thrilled. My party-girl lifestyle has dramatically altered. Although my aforementioned friend is very excited for us, I’m having trouble with her and the lifestyle I used to enjoy.

Every time we go out my friend has numerous cocktails and beers, and the increasing intoxication makes it difficult to have a conversation. If she has gone out the night before, she is hung over and unreliable. I am beginning not to want to spend time with her because I do not like her behavior and attitude.

In a few months we have a planned beach vacation and I am torn. Part of me wants to cancel, simply because I do not want to spend several days watching her get drunk and putting up with her antics. Another part of me understands that I, just a few months ago, was this person as well, whether I like to see the behavior or not. I understand that pregnancy and child-rearing change relationships and perhaps my friend is struggling. I am worried that talking to her about it will start a fight, but keeping it in doesn’t work. What should I do? — Pregnant and Confused“

Dear Pregnant:

Are you sure you’re not just reliving some key scenes from Knocked Up?

Your friend clearly hasn’t fully adjusted to your new lifestyle and neither have you. Having a kid is a little bit like graduating from college. You partied for four years and then all of a sudden you can’t anymore and you need to join the real world. It’ll take some time to adjust and learn what you can and cannot continue to do but it will happen. 

You want to spend time with your friend but you can’t do what you’ve been doing. Find new activities to partake in that aren’t booze-related. That should have a trickle down effect and lead to a new dynamic. Don’t get me wrong, you can still party hard every now and then (after the child is born), it just needs to be in moderation. A good lesson for your friend to learn for the future.

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06/03/2015
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“Jaw With John” – Doting Mother Dotes All Day And Night

“My significant other was talked into getting a cellphone by her adult children. We do not live together, but I do spend most evenings with her and I spend the night on the weekends.

Every evening between 6 and 7 a particular daughter feels the need to call, and I end up sitting at the kitchen table eating supper by myself. I can expect calls on the weekend at around 2 in the morning from one of her intoxicated kids requesting a ride.

I told her these calls were disrespectful to me and unless they were of an emergency nature they could be taken after I left. She initially agreed but now she’s back to taking the calls. Should I not have more value than a cellphone? — Miffed”

Dear Miffed:

It’s called dinner, not supper. C’mon man.

Have you ever tried not eating between 6 and 7 to avoid this daughter calling during dinner? That would LITERALLY get rid of this problem entirely.

Has this drunk child not heard of Lyft, Uber or a regular old taxi? Would you rather that child drive home drunk? I’m sure you’d rather him or her drink in moderation but that clearly isn’t their endgame.

Her kids, obviously, come before you and this won’t change. She is being nice and giving them a ride when they need one and listening to them when they call. It’s called being a Mom. This is something that you will either accept or it will be a deal-breaker. Just don’t call and tell her. That’s reserved for her kids.

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05/03/2015
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“Jaw With John” – V-Day Sheds Light On Girlfriend

“I took my girlfriend of two months out for Valentine’s Day. I picked her up, meeting her with chocolates in hand, and we went out. We had a good time and naturally I paid for the event, food and drinks. OK. I’m fine with that.

We returned to her place and chatted as we held each other, and I managed slip into the conversation that I didn’t receive a Valentine’s gift from her. She brushed it off with some words and a smile. I drove home with pursed lips.

Isn’t Valentine’s Day supposed to be a two-way street? How should I handle this? — Jilted”

Dear Jilted:

I once “dated” a girl for a month (about a date per week, with texting/messaging throughout the week) only to be told on the 4th, and final, date that she didn’t like me “that way.” She was happy to go out with me, have me buy food, movie tickets, go mini golfing etc. but didn’t want anything more. Needless to say it was a long train ride back home when she told me that.

It was also on that train that I decided to end things with her.

This is your train ride.

You need to think back over the last two months and wonder if she’s really meant for you. You know what? I’ll stop you right there. She’s not for you. It’s time to move on. Her not reciprocating Valentine’s Day, not even a card, draws a red flag. Her trying to talk her way out of it sends out flares. Bye Felicia.

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05/03/2015
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“Jaw With John” – Bro, Your Girlfriend Sucks. Time For A New One

“My nephew “Hugo” was invited to his friend’s wedding. The bride’s family has limited the number of guests, so Hugo cannot bring a companion. Hugo’s girlfriend of about a year and a half (“Martha”) told Hugo he is “disrespecting their relationship” because he plans to go to the wedding without her.

Martha also said Hugo is being treated like a “B-list guest” because he did not receive his invitation until a couple of weeks before the wedding, rather than six weeks in advance, and should protest by not going. (The friend did send out a “save the date” notice months ago.)

Martha barely knows the groom. I don’t see how Hugo’s going to the wedding amounts to disrespecting their relationship, nor do I think Hugo is being treated like a B-list guest. Am I wrong? Shouldn’t he feel free to go to the wedding if he wants to? — A Meddling Aunt”

Dear Aunt:

Martha sounds like a total Basic Bitch.

The invitation/guest limit clearly says that she can’t go, and she doesn’t know the groom that well anyway, but since she can’t go Hugo shouldn’t? She sounds like a drama queen and should be kicked to the curb immediately.

I fail to see how he’s “disrespecting their relationship” by going without her. He’s respecting the wedding party’s wishes. There are always lots of single and sometimes-desperate-because-they’re-seeing-their-friends-getting-married-girls at weddings. Get on with your bad self Hugo!

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05/03/2015
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“Jaw With John” – Many Marriages Maketh The Man

“Many years ago, my first wife’s father died suddenly. My wife totally changed and this led to a divorce.

In my marriages that followed (and there were several), something unexpected arose, unraveling the relationships. I ask myself, “Was it just bad luck or poor judgment?”

I have been married to a wonderful woman for the last 32 years (no more surprises!). I have been a great husband and she is happy.

Yet in discussions about relationships within her family, people actually have had the nerve to say, “And how many times have you been married?” Although most of my marriages were at an early age, I am still held accountable for those failures.

How do I rid myself of the stigma I carry? — Tired of Taking It”

Dear Tired:

You gotta own it bro. That’s the only way you can move on, which you have since you’ve been married for 32 years. Be self-deprecating when it’s brought up. If done right, it can be funny and add levity to the whole situation and will help you move on. It will also show others that you’re not your past marriages and could lead to them not bringing it up again.

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