Monthly Archives: April 2015

“Jaw With John” – Think Of The Children!

If a married woman answers the door wearing only a bath towel when her husband’s brother (who happens to be married to me) is at the door and her husband is not at home, is that appropriate?

She shows no regard for modesty. In her yard she will carelessly bend over in a loose-fitting tank top (bra-less, of course), not even trying to hold up the neck to spare those in her presence the view.

My husband and I have argued over this issue, and everyone knows my sentiments on this “misconduct.”

I feel this behavior is disrespectful to me. My husband should consider my feelings and honor me by telling her that this conduct is inappropriate. When I suggested that he tell her that her behavior is offensive and unwelcome, he became defensive and said that I was behaving jealously.

Am I crazy because I have a “problem” with this? — BS

Dear BS:

She sounds rather busty or else this wouldn’t be much of an issue.

She’s obviously very, very comfortable in her own skin and is willing to share it with the world. My concern here is that she’s not wearing a bra. Studies have shown that not wearing a bra could lead to back problems. You could slip some scoliosis literature under her door to send a message.

Or you could just outright tell her that she needs to cover up, but I do believe that you should be the one to her. If your husband were to do so it might not come out right and it could look as if he’s creeping on her/checking her out. She may then take that as a sign of flirtation and invitation to bed him OR she could call him a pervert and out him to her husband. She could do the same to you but it seems like she only plays for one team here.

And if those options are not your cup of tea, you could go all Helen Lovejoy:

 

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“Jaw With John” – Pull The Plug On The Digital Relationship

I have a question about a guy. We met once and I liked him. He was for real and exactly as he appeared online.

A health condition put him into a fragile situation. He is abroad getting therapy and is under a doctor’s care.

The problem is, how long should I wait for him? We communicate through emails, pictures and videos. He claims he doesn’t like to talk on the phone.

I would like to talk on the phone. I am getting discouraged waiting for him.

It has been a year of computer communication and I am getting tired of it. — Computer Challenged

Dear Computer:

You’ve waited a year!!!!?? Holy hell you’re patient…and a twinge bit naive.

I think it’s apparent at this point that he’s never coming back – if he ever left at all. You’re spending all this time and energy on a guy who’s LITERALLY not around. He’s got you wrapped around his finger and he knows it. There’s a whole world of guys out there who are actually around you and willing to be physically be with someone. Get your fine ass out there and find him!

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“Jaw With John” – You Sandbaggin’ Son Of A Bitch!

I am a thirtysomething bachelor facing two out-of-town weddings without a date. The only people I’ll know at either event are the bride and groom.

Attending both weddings will require air travel and hotel rooms, and both are likely to be very full weekends.

In short, without a date, these could be deadly. Would it be horrible if I declined? — Singled Out

Dear Singled:

So lemme get this straight: You’re single and going to a wedding out-of-town where you only know the bride & groom. How is this a problem?

Go to the weddings and “grab that net and catch that beautiful butterfly pal!”

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“Jaw With John” – John’s Guide To Movie Watching

The other day I saw a great movie. But the lady behind me kept talking to her husband during the film. It was distracting when she would ask her husband what was going on and talk through emotional scenes.

I was appalled by this because I am only 18, and I would expect that an adult over twice my age could sit quietly for two hours and know proper movie etiquette.

Could you please write a list of rules concerning proper movie-viewing etiquette for those people who have never been told how to act in a movie theater? — Annoyed

Dear Annoyed:

This is my biggest pet peeve of all time. I love going to the movies. I cherish it. I had always been taught to sit quietly in my seat and watch the movie. The theatre is not my living room. I am not allowed to talk over the movie and misbehave in any way. That’s the way I always saw a movie and it’s how I still see them today.

And since you asked, here are my 7 rules:

1. Sit down and shut up. You’re allowed to laugh/gasp/cry but no commentary. If you can’t follow what’s happening or got up to go to the bathroom then you lose your right to know what’s happened.
2. Rein in your children. This isn’t daycare. Don’t let your kid run around the theatre, it’s annoying and disruptive. It’s also a part of #1.
3. TURN OFF YOUR PHONE. If you can’t go 2+ hours without looking at your phone, texting, or checking email then you don’t deserve to go to a movie theatre. You’re not that important.
4. If you have candy, open it BEFORE the movie starts. No one wants to hear the crinkling of wrappers during a tense or quiet or any scene for that matter.
5. If someone’s in front of you, don’t put your feet on their seat. That’s a no brainer. Most theatres have those bars at the front row where wheelchairs can be parked. That’s where you can put your feet up. It’s also where I prefer to sit.
6. If there’s relatively few people in the theatre, don’t sit directly behind or in front of someone. You have all that space to work with so spread out.
7. Clean up after yourself. I don’t expect you to pick up your popcorn kernels that are on the floor but I do expect you to pick up your popcorn bag/bucket, empty drinks and any other trash you’ve made. It’s called being courteous and it makes the ushers job that much easier.

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“Jaw With John” – Teen Is Never Fully Dressed, But Still Has A Smile

I am the father of a 19-year-old daughter. She is a great kid, smart, stays out of trouble and has lots of friends. The problem is that she likes to run around the house in her underwear.

I will come home from work and she will be sitting in front of the TV with just a T-shirt and underwear on or come out of the shower with only a towel on her head. She doesn’t do this when we have houseguests. I have asked her to put more clothes on, but she just tells me not to be so stuffy. My wife thinks this is just a passing phase.

What do you think? — Confused Father

Dear Confused:

This is weird. Considering that you are her father and she’s a legal adult walking around half naked or full on naked that’s very weird and unnerving. You’ve got to fight fire with fire here Dad. I wouldn’t walk around naked because no sane child wants to see their parent naked and no sane parent wants to see their child naked. This isn’t Taboo. Parade around in your boxers and shove it right in her face. If she asks you to put on some clothes you can tell her that’s how you feel when she does it. If she says nothing…welp, you’ve got a bigger problem.

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