Monthly Archives: August 2015

13/08/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – The Meal Doesn’t Come With A Side of Mobile Phone

“My husband and I are parents of seven adult children, ranging in age from 25 to 34. Recently two of our kids (and one spouse) came home for a visit and we noticed they were never far from their cellphones and even at the kitchen table were on their phones texting or checking their mail.

We consider these times together special and my husband, especially, noticed that they were less “present” when on their phones texting, etc.

This Christmas all kids and spouses are coming home for our reunion. Everyone comes home and these are special times, especially since we now have grandchildren.

The out-of-towners all stay with us.

Our question is about the cellphone use during our celebrations and meal times. When we are together at the Christmas dinner table we wish our kids would put the phones away, except for picture taking.

My husband wants to set some rules during these family gatherings.

I am hesitant to set the stage with rules that might make some of these adults crabby.

What do you think? — Babi”

Dear Babi:

These are the times we live in unfortunately. Where someone cannot go 10 minutes without checking their phone (this is especially true in movie theatres, but that’s another ball of wax). I admit, I am guilty of this techno-sin when it comes to mealtime but I am vigilant in my mission to stop such activity completely. At dinner, and other meals at home, I make sure to put my phone far enough away from me like in another room or at the other end of the table so I can be present in the meal and the company I am in. If I am out to dinner with friends or family or on a date I keep my phone in my pocket and don’t bring it out until it’s appropriate.

Ideally you would have all of your guests leave their phones, tablets, gaming devices etc in another room at mealtime but that could mean someone could sneak away and check it. If you were to gather them all up and have them on a table nearby, face down, it would really test their resolve. They would hear the phones vibrating on the table but not know whose phone was buzzing. It’d be like a murder mystery that you don’t want to solve because it would disrupt the meal. I have been on dinners with friends (not a bunch of people mind you) where the first person to bring out their phone had to buy a round of drinks for everyone at the table. You could do something similar, except make the punishment cleaning up instead of buying drinks.

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12/08/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – There Goes The Neighborhood? Nah

“I live in a neighborhood of 10 houses. Half of the residents are over 55 and others are in their 30s. Every year one of the “older” residents has a Christmas party and a summer barbecue. She sends out invitations requesting an RSVP. The newer neighbors either don’t RSVP until the day before, or RSVP earlier and either cancel or don’t show.

It’s almost as if they wait to see if a better offer comes up. If she runs into someone who hasn’t RSVP’d and asks if they are coming, they tell her, “will let her know.” Is this a generational thing? Are they so busy they forget? Are they constantly weighing their options? Or are they so pompous that they think their presence is a gift to the rest of us and we should tolerate their lack of consideration. And we wonder where the old neighborhoods have gone! — Glad I’m Not Hosting”

Dear Glad:

Sadly, this is how most of my generation, and those close to my age, respond to events.

They will linger until the last possible moment and then go “Oh yeah… I can go to that…I’ve got nothing else going on.” Most people won’t RSVP unless it says that it’s required of them. If it’s written on there “Must reply by MM/DD” then that might spur them to make concrete plans. It works for me if I am ever wavering going to an event. But, I know for me, if I RSVP to something that I am attending – I attend. Sometimes there are instances that arise last minute that cause me not to show up and that might be the case with some of these cancellations.

It is important to remember that some people are so busy that they forget. Their lives aren’t all about BBQ’s and neighborhood parties. They have other things going on in their lives. But don’t think that your generation is above it all because some of these things may have also been done by people your age as well. If you do, then it will get awfully lonely in your ivory tower.

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11/08/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Put Your Behind In The Past

“I dated a guy on and off for eight years. After finally breaking things off with him, I have been single now for the last three years.

I have not been on a date for the whole three years that I have been single. I am an attractive woman, but I can’t seem to attract any man since I broke up with my last boyfriend. I also have trust issues I cannot seem to shake off. Please help me control my past. — Wondering Single”

Dear Wondering:

“You got to put your behind in the past.” – Pumba

I can’t help you control your past. You need to learn from what happened and move forward. That’s the only way you’ll find someone.

Let me tell you that there’s never been a worse time to be single than right now. Honestly. First of all there are bars and places where you could traditionally meet people that are generally a nightmare and filled with the people with whom you don’t want to have a relationship. Then there are the dating sites and apps that make it easier to find people who don’t like to go to those bars. They will share your common interests but some people just want to chat and never want to meet up. Others will only want friendship from you, leading you on making you believe that you have something special.

It sucks. It truly, utterly sucks.

If there is a silver lining then it is that there are success stories out there. You just need to try other places to meet people.

Ultimately, be confident in yourself and you will attract that guy. Forget all that negativity I just spewed out as I was partially venting my own frustrations and exude confidence. You’ll be set if you do.

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11/08/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Couple Acts As One Not Two

“I recently went on a weekend getaway/retreat with several co-workers (not officially a work event). I was driving one of the cars, and I brought along a co-worker and her boyfriend.

The trip cost roughly $90 in gas. I would have expected each passenger (myself included) to contribute a third. But my co-worker offered only $45, saying, “There’s our half.”

I try to avoid pettiness, and don’t want to cause a rift with a co-worker over $15 — after all, it’s more about the principle than the money — but I also want to be more aware of what the rules are when splitting costs with a couple. — Not Cheap, Just Curious”

Dear Curious:

Lesson learned: you should have set up the details before you left on the trip.

You’re not going to get those $15 back. Let it go and learn from this experience.

BUT, I hate hate hate hate hate it when couples or groups try to do this sort of thing. They think of themselves at JeffAndAmy and not Jeff and Amy. They pay for things as a single entity because they are together. Leaving the third wheel to pay for him/herself. You end up paying more than your fair share or what you actually bought and are left wondering “WTF just happened?!” Establish payment structure up front next time and everything will be butter, aka smooth.

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11/08/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – You’ve Got To Be Sheeting Me

“I’m not sure if my question pertains to etiquette or common sense.

We rent out a couple of tourist cabins to visitors to our area. We provide bedding and have the beds made up ahead of time with sheets, blankets and spreads.

It irks me that a fair number of guests sleep on top of the spreads or blankets instead of pulling back the sheets. I’m not sure what they are thinking, but this creates extra laundry and wear on the bed spreads. Do other hosts have the same problem? Should we post a note asking them to please sleep between the sheets? — Cabin Fevered”

Dear Fevered:

I sleep on top of blankets and sheets all the time. Sometimes it’s because I’m lazy. Other times it’s because it’s too hot to get under the covers and rather than throw the covers, blankets etc. onto the floor (where they would get dirtier) I sleep on top of them. Your guests might be doing the same.

You can ask them to sleep between the sheets the same way hotels leave placards about towel usage (hang it up for multiple uses; leave it on the floor to be washed). But ultimately it comes down to guest preference in that moment.

How does this create extra laundry? Don’t you take off all of the sheets and bedding and wash them after the guests have left? Or are you implying that you don’t wash every item after a guest leaves? … Now who’s the one with questionable actions???

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