Monthly Archives: September 2015

14/09/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Anti-Vaxxer’s Aren’t Welcome To This Party

“I have four young children. The oldest (twins) just started school.

We know some people who cannot vaccinate their children for health reasons. But we also know of others who choose not to vaccinate their children.

We are all about being inclusive and we love to entertain other children, but I don’t want parents to bring their kids to our house if they have chosen not to vaccinate. Children who can’t be vaccinated for health reasons are welcome.

As a registered nurse who works with young babies I feel very strongly about this. I have seen the tragic results of children contracting preventable diseases.

To be honest, I don’t know if I want my kids to associate with the children of parents who “think they know better.”

I thought about putting a note to parents on invitations asking children who have not been vaccinated by choice to please not attend, but I don’t know if that is appropriate and can’t figure out the wording.

Is it OK to post this warning on invitations? — Pro-Vax RN”

Dear Pro-Vax:

I’ll get this out of the way now: I’m a pro-vax guy like yourself. I don’t see why these anti-vaxxers think that they know any better than doctors or modern medicine. They are LITERALLY putting their child at more risk by not getting them vaccinated. But hey, that’s their decision – a dumb one.

You can’t send out an invitation saying “Come to my party! ……… Unless you’re not vaccinated because of personal reasons.” You can’t do it. It’s not only rude, but an invasion of privacy. You’re not a school requiring a medical history for admission. You’re a birthday party.

In all honesty, it doesn’t sound like this party will happen. You want to be all inclusive, but you set up these barriers to keep some out. I don’t think you know what “all inclusive” means.

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14/09/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Daddy’s Girl Is Still Grieving

“I am 27 years old. I have always been a daddy’s girl. My dad and I were extremely close until his passing almost three years ago after a three-year battle with cancer.

Before this, my parents had been married for 30 years. Recently my mother has been talking on her phone way more than usual, and I asked my sister whom she was talking to. Apparently this guy has been coming around and taking her on trips out of town and such.

When I first heard this I was very bothered. I’m writing because my boyfriend is saying I’m being selfish for not approving of this. I’m still grieving, so why isn’t she? Please help me understand and be possibly close to being OK with this. Is my boyfriend right? — Daddy’s Girl.”

Dear Daddy’s Girl:

Everyone grieves differently and for varying lengths of time. You don’t sound all that close to your mother. Getting second hand news shows you aren’t truly connected to her. It can be hard to move on after someone you love has passed and the paths that you and your mom are taking are very different.

You can’t tell your mom to not seek out happiness just because you are still in pain. That is being selfish.

I’ll be frank, three years is an awfully long time to be grieving. From my own experience, losing someone is awful and yes the pain and the hole that person left is still there but you cannot let that take hold of your life. You need to find a way to move on. As much as you’d like to, you can’t live in the past.

You clearly need to address this with her and tell her how you’re feeling and discuss your father. He was an important man in both of your lives and someone that important should be talked about.

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12/09/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Waterfront Property Attracts Kids, Don’t Tell Jared

“We have a vacation home where we go sometimes on the weekends. Our neighbors seem to view our place as a public kids’ camp. More than any other place, we seem to be a magnet for their unsupervised kids! We regularly end up with other kids in our water, playing with our toys, even asking us for refreshments or running through our house. I’ll admit it is a little flattering to be viewed as fun, but we really need some boundaries.

One time a parent asked if her child could play with ours. When we responded “of course” and assumed she would stay to observe, she proceeded to leave her child with us while she went out for the afternoon!

But often it’s just the kids who run over to our place on their own. We don’t know if their parents know where they are. Honestly we don’t understand the attraction because we offer nothing more than what they already have at their own place, except perhaps parental supervision! We’ve even tried to say, “we need some family time now,” only to have them sit on the edge of the property and stare and wait to rejoin us.

With the increased volume, the focused attention required with kids around water and the extra clean up, by the end of the day it’s all so exhausting! How do we put a stop to being viewed as free daycare, free lifeguarding and free entertainment while not straining those relationships? — Exhausted from “Relaxing””

Dear Exhausted:

Let me clear something up right now, it’s not your water because you don’t own it. You own the coastline and if you have a dock then that’s yours too but you don’t own the water.

The parent who left their child with you is clearly irresponsible and when you saw them again you should’ve said “When you asked to have your child over, we assumed you were going to be watching over him/her. Next time, he/she isn’t allowed unless you’re present. We’re not running a daycare center…unless you want to pay us.”

To combat this you could put up a fence. That’s the most dramatic response but I don’t think you want that. You sound like you enjoy their company, to an extent. That’s why you need to meet their parents and see if they have their and your your permission to play on your property. But it’s ultimately up to you to approve and be vigilant. If one or multiple kids show up you’ll need to call their parents and see if they know where they are and if you will allow them to play.

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12/09/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – An Adult Making Fun Of A Child, Real Classy

“My father’s longtime partner of over 30 years, “Vivian,” has started to make mean remarks to my 3-year-old son. For instance, she makes fun of his speech (he cannot pronounce “L” and “S” yet).

She will imitate him in a mean voice and then laugh. She has never been mean to my older daughter or to me, so this has really caught me off guard. In the moment I’m so at a loss for words and emotional that I don’t respond, which may be for the best, since my children are present.

Now I am angry. I don’t know if I should refuse to let my children around her. My father is non-confrontational and will not get involved.

Should I sit down with her and tell her that her behavior is unacceptable (which I doubt will go well), or is it best to let this go? — Angry Mom”

Dear Angry:

Vivian sounds like a real piece of work. Making fun of children, like super young children, and laughing about it, is not tolerated. She sounds like she doesn’t know any better, which sounds impossible but it happens. You need to sit her down and tell her that her behavior is unacceptable. He’s a child!

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10/09/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Partner Left Out of B-Day Celebration

“My best friend has a special birthday coming up. He has invited friends to a special dinner. This invitation includes myself, other individuals and some couples. Some are people I know, and some are not.

My dilemma is that he did not invite my partner. My partner has known him and his wife as long as I have. Other couples on the guest list include people with whom we have all socialized many times.

Initially I thought her name was left off by mistake, so I called him. He explained that there was no mistake; he was inviting only people with whom he felt especially close. He said he did not include her in that category. He said there were also some other couples where he had only invited one of the partners.

My partner was devastated by being left out and I feel in a terrible quandary about whether to attend. On one hand I respect and like him so much I feel honored to be invited at all, but on the other I feel my partner’s pain and I am also hurt that she was left out.

I feel torn two ways — but I am leaning toward not attending.

Can you offer any advice to me and comment on the propriety, or lack of it, in this situation? — Torn”

Dear Torn:

Your friend is kind of an asshole.

He’s picking and choosing members of couples who he wants at his party. You said he’s known the both of you for a long time and yet he wants to include only you in the celebration? That doesn’t sound like much of a friendship. It sounds like he only truly values one of you and that’s not cool.

I think you need to decline the invitation and do something with your partner on that day instead. If, when you tell him, he changes his tune and decides that you can bring your partner along, still decline. Let him know that his selfish ways aren’t tolerated.

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