Tag Archives: Advice

28/08/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Don’t Let Him Be The Reason For The Teardrops On Your Guitar

“My office hired a new employee two months ago that I’m very attracted to.

We have become great friends and enjoy the other’s company greatly.

I’ve never been so drawn to someone. I feel like a lovesick kid! I think about him all the time and find reasons to be around him, such as running errands with him or going out to lunch together. The problem is that he has a girlfriend, but I don’t know how serious it is because he’s never shown me a picture of her or mentioned her name.

I’ve tried to tell myself to get over him and move on, but my affections grow stronger every day. He’s everything I’ve been looking for in a romantic partner and we have such a strong connection. I’ve kept my attraction for him hidden because I don’t want to make him feel awkward, but it’s getting harder to do. What should I do? — Heartsick”

Dear Heartsick:

“She hardly ever thought of him. He had worn a place for himself in some corner of her heart, as a sea shell, always boring against the rock, might do. The making of the place had been her pain. But now the shell was safely in the rock. It was lodged, and ground no longer.”
– T.H. White The Once and Future King

Your situation reminds me of a time in my collegiate life when I would go down to the front desk when a certain girl was working there and get trash bags for my room. By month’s end I had a surplus of bags and nothing to fill them with, a date with her included.

Unrequited love is a fool’s errand. A door that can only be walked through one way. But you don’t know where the door is.

It sucks.

I once had a thing for a co-worker and we got along well and she seemed as genuinely interested in me as I was in her. She mentioned, in passing, that she had dated some people but never truly gave the impression that she was seeing anyone. So one day, as the day was drawing to a close I saw her and decided that I would ask her out. I did. It turns out she had a boyfriend, but hey, at least I tried. You owe yourself that much. Ask him if he’d like to see you outside of work. The worst thing he can do is confirm your suspicions.

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26/08/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Taking Care of Dog Business

“My husband and I have lived in our current house for many years.

The retired couple across the street bought a darling puppy about 15 months ago. Their yard, landscaping and lawn are incredibly beautiful. The neighbor keeps it looking like a golf course. (The rest of the neighborhood is a lot more casual.)

He started walking his puppy across the street to our strip of grass below a hedge at the end of our yard. He and the puppy would walk back and forth a number of times and then return back home. He is actually using our lawn strip for a doggy potty!

He collects the droppings and takes them away, but now other leashed dogs become interested in the same area of our lawn. They sniff around and many spray and leave their own scent, drawing yet more dogs.

How can I approach this without stuttering or hurting feelings? I have no clue. — Neighbor”

Dear Neighbor:

You can put up a sign on your lawn stating these feelings.

But as a dog lover, walker, owner I can tell you that if my dog needs to go on a lawn I let him. I’ll try and obey the signs, if they are up, but if he has to go, he’ll go.

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26/08/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Daughter Received Turn Down Service

“This summer my 21-year-old daughter has been working as a hotel maid. While working one morning she overheard a father say to his teenage son, “You had better stay in school or you will end up like her” — indicating my daughter. My daughter was hurt. She assumed the father did not intend for her to hear the remark and felt the hotel management would not want her to comment to the guest, and so she said nothing.

I appreciate the father’s desire to encourage his son to continue his education, but I am appalled by the lack of respect for a working person. Ironically, my daughter is beginning her junior year at college and working this summer to earn money for a semester abroad. In my opinion, he would be lucky to have his son “end up like her.” Should my daughter have said anything — and if so, what would have been the appropriate response? — Proud Mom”

Dear Mom:

Your daughter did the right thing in biting her tongue.

I’ve witnessed similar behavior where someone is dismissive toward a server, laborer, or a cashier and it really gets me upset. The person they’re talking about is rarely around but I hear what they say and think “They don’t know that person’s story. They’re at this job because they need to be most of the time not because they want to be.” Whenever it’s said within my circle I make it a point to call that person out on it because they’re not going to stand up for themselves and if they did they’d probably lose their job or they’re not around to defend themselves. They’re still a person.

Interjecting herself would’ve been bad news and she was smart enough to stay away. But she should take solace in the fact that she knows what she is doing and working toward. She doesn’t owe anyone anything, least of all this man.

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24/08/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Work Sucks, I Know

“I am one year out of college and I don’t think I can take my job much longer.

When I was 10 years old, if you had asked me where I wanted to work, I would have said Corporation X — it’s a dream company, and that’s where I work! But, ugh — after a year of working 14- to 18-hour days, five to six days a week, for $10.50 an hour, I am exhausted and still living paycheck to paycheck.

Here’s the kicker, though: I might work an 18-hour shift, but I will only be given three hours of work to do.

The rest of the time I just sit at my desk and wait.

When I do have something to do I love my job! Honestly, if my job paid better, gave me benefits, I worked normal hours and they constantly had work for me to do, it would be the perfect job.

What should I do? Should I stick it out for a few more years in hopes of getting slightly more reasonable hours? Or should I call it quits and cut my losses and try to get into a graduate program in search of a new career path? — Exhausted”

Dear Exhausted:

Sounds like you get paid to sit around on your ass and do nothing for 15 hours.

I’d like that job.

$10.50 an hour is rough, especially today. There isn’t any overtime pay that could help you a bit more? Or there is and it’s just not helping as much as it could if you were paid more.

See if there are any other opportunities within that company that could give you better hours, a higher wage, or more work (since you seem to love more work). Or see if there is something else that you could be doing within your own department. Maybe your supervisor is looking for someone proactive and waiting for an employee to ask what else they could be doing.

You were never going to get your ideal job straight out of college. I didn’t. I still don’t have that “dream job” or a real job for that matter, but that’s neither here nor there.

Stick it out and see where it can take you. If you cut your loses now you’re possibly delaying yourself even more. At least now you’re in a place you enjoy (when you work) and that can lead to something down the line.

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24/08/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Boyfriend Fell Into The Grindr

“Last weekend my boyfriend told me while we were showering that he was leaving me for a man he met on the male hookup app Grindr.

That man happens to be my neighbor. My boyfriend proceeded to move out that morning, and he keeps coming around, trying to be “friends.” I tried to be cordial at first, but then one night he tried kissing me and I pushed him away.

Now I just want to be left alone, but because he’s living with my neighbor, I see him almost every day in passing, and when I do, I feel hurt. I don’t want to have to hide in my home out of fear of seeing him. Do you have any suggestions on how I can cope with this new reality? It is one I’ve never experienced before. — Sad Ex-Boyfriend”

Dear Ex-Boyfriend:

Wow.

I’m literally staring at the blinking cursor wondering what to say to you.

You can’t be friends with him. You can’t. It’s much easier for the dumper to move on than the dumpee because they knew it was coming and planned it. You’re stuck with the aftermath of it all and need to find a way to move on.

Try changing your routine around so that he won’t know exactly when you’re around and vice versa. You also need friends in a time like this. Friends who will agree with you that he was an asshole, or however you feel. You’ll talk it out and hopefully find some way to move on.

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