Tag Archives: Advice

02/02/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Sleep-Away Camp Isn’t like ‘Sleepaway Camp’

“I’m almost 15 years old. My parents signed me up for a one-week sleep-away camp this summer. I am looking forward to this, except that I don’t like being away from home.

Ever since I was a kid, I have had high anxiety in new situations and I don’t like being away from home.

When I was 10, my parents sent me to this camp for the first time. I cried a lot the first few days but then started enjoying myself.

Now I am able to handle short trips away from home, but I worry about what will happen at camp.

This time, I have my younger sister to look after, and I won’t do her any good if I am upset. I’m trying to be positive.

I have missed out on several opportunities because of this problem. I don’t want to make a fool of myself by crying at camp. What’s your advice on how to handle this situation? — Anxious”

Dear Anxious:

Take my friend Garth Algar’s advice and “Live in the Now!” You will kick yourself after if you hampered your own enjoyment and you’ll regret those days and nights you spent crying that you weren’t home. Being homesick is completely natural and nothing to be ashamed of, but don’t let it consume you and get out there and enjoy yourself and make sure your younger sister does too.

You’re almost a young adult, which means soon you’ll be going away to college which is the ultimate sleep-away camp. And completely unlike Sleepaway Camp, unless there’s a murderer running around…Anyway, these camps are great experiences to prepare you for that, when you will be away at college, and you will meet new people and experience new and exciting things. Get out there!

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02/02/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Dog Is All Bark

“I live in a condo with six other units. The walls and floors are very well-insulated, but definitely not soundproof. We recently adopted a dog, “Princess,” from a family friend.

Princess is still young (two years old) and she’s a sweet dog who is (mostly) wonderful when we are home. If we are around, she’s extremely quiet and doesn’t bark at the other pets in the house or even when visitors come to the door.

Recently I left Princess alone. The next day my neighbor below told me that the dog barked for almost three hours. I apologized profusely and she assured me that it wasn’t a problem for her. Since Princess is kennel-trained, I thought that kenneling her when we are gone would solve the problem.

Two weeks later I learned that the dog continues to bark when she’s alone (albeit for a shorter period of time). Again I apologized and promised to work on training.

However, training will take some time. No other neighbors have complained but Princess is a rather large dog with a ferocious-sounding bark and (although she’s not) she looks like a restricted breed.

On one hand, I want to leave notes for my other neighbors apologizing for the noise (assuming they hear her) and asking for their patience. On the other hand, I worry that someone will use it against me and complain to animal control (or the authorities).

What would you do? If I leave a note, do you have suggested wording? — Puppy Parents”

Dear Parents:

It’s only a problem if more people complain. There’s no need to preempt a complaint with a conciliatory note because who knows if your neighbors actually hear your dog? Also, if I were to hear a dog barking for a long period of time I wouldn’t think that the dog was in a bad home. I would think that the dog was lonely and/or missed you.

When I was training my chocolate lab, who is now 9 months old, I would put him in his crate and then just go outside and read for a few hours. I would hear him cry and moan but I knew that eventually he would tire out and calm down. Little by little the crying and barking waned and now he doesn’t bark when I am gone. It’s a process. You’ll be fine. It’s all a part of being a dog owner. If your neighbors tell you anything, remind them that you are training her and would ask for their patience.

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31/01/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – She’s Got Pregnancy Brain

“My college friend is pregnant with her first child. When I found out she was having a baby, I was thrilled for her and offered to throw the shower (I also hosted her bridal shower a few years ago).

Her first response to my offer? “That would be great! Husband and I have already been talking about this and want to have an evening party with men and women, something nontraditional and more of a party before our lives are turned upside down.” She then started throwing out dates and other details.

I had envisioned an afternoon tea party or a mommy yoga class, but hadn’t made any firm plans. After hearing her response, I immediately got hung up on the etiquette of the situation (wait! doesn’t the hostess determine these details or at least have some input?) and my (sometimes too strongly held) principles.

With her specific and immediate expectations, I feel she would be better off hosting herself! All I want to do is excuse myself and retract my offer, but I don’t know what to say. Should I stick to my guns and refuse to host when she is dictating the terms right off the bat? Or am I being too sensitive and haven’t realized that moms-to-be are totally entitled to plan their own showers? — Old-Fashioned”

Dear Old-Fashioned:

I’ve said this before but it bears repeating: no man wants to be a part of a baby shower. So this “non-traditional” party that she wants is a pretty dumb idea. She clearly has “Pregnancy Brain” and is suggesting things that are just plain illogical and downright stupid. “Mommy yoga” isn’t a good idea either, but you’ll think of another one.

You asked if you cold host/plan the party and now she has provided insight into what she wants, which is a dumb party idea, and now you don’t like that she’s pretty much planned the entire thing? Huh? Grow up. She’s taking all of the horrible parts about planning a party (planning) and has told you what to do. How much easier do you need it?

The only problem is that you need to convince her that the men & women baby shower party is an bad awful idea. Other than that, you are being too sensitive. Nudge her in a different direction.

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31/01/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Sounds Like Middle Child Syndrome To Me

“When do parents quit paying for their children? We live frugally and put all three of our children through expensive schools so they could graduate debt-free. My son is 33 and getting married for the first time. His fiancee was married before.

They decided to get married at an expensive all-inclusive resort. Our son thinks we should pay for his rehearsal dinner for all 35 wedding guests. He says if we don’t do this, it won’t be fair to him.

We paid for the rehearsal dinner for my eldest son 10 years ago. We gave my daughter $5,000 for her wedding. We both had well-paying jobs at the time. We also spent $18,000 for attorneys for our eldest son’s divorce (he risked losing custody of his kids).

We are both retired now and living off Social Security and savings. My son has a well-paying job and his fiancee is interviewing for jobs. When will this stop? — Strapped Parents”

Dear Strapped:

“When will this stop?” When you’re dead.

As far as the rehearsal dinner goes, I feel that he’s old enough – and you said he has a “well-paying job” – that he can fit the bill for the dinner. He’s already put the event at an expensive resort so why must you now pay. Isn’t the Father of the Bride supposed to pay for these things? Or was Steve Martin leading me on for all these years? I don’t know wedding protocol so this goes beyond my expertise, but I do know when someone is being taken advantage of, and that someone is you and your husband.

He knows you’re retired and on limited funds and yet still asks for moolah. Is he a middle child? This sounds very middle childish to me. He’s the last one married, wants the same that his brother and sister had, wants to make up for it by getting what he wants, blah blah blah.

Tell your son how you feel and maybe you guys can compromise. If not, order pizza or something and see how it goes.

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30/01/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – It’s A Nice Day For A White Wedding, Without His New GF That Is

“My fiance and I recently got engaged. About five years ago, his parents divorced when his dad announced he had been seeing someone else and was leaving. His mom has had a very difficult time with this. My fiance only sees his dad every few months despite being in the same city, although they text back and forth somewhat frequently. However, he has never liked his dad’s girlfriend, since he views her as the reason for his parents’ marriage ending.

Soon we are going to be making guest lists and sending out invitations for the wedding. My fiance does not want his dad’s girlfriend to attend, not only because he doesn’t like her, but because he doesn’t want to make his mom uncomfortable or cause any drama on our wedding day. I am afraid his dad might tell him that if his girlfriend isn’t allowed to come, then he won’t come either, and my fiance will regret his father not being there on his wedding day.

Do you think it’s fair to ask that his dad’s girlfriend not attend our wedding? — Wondering Fiancee”

Dear Wondering:

You’re afraid of something that hasn’t happened yet. I think it’s perfectly fair to ask her not to attend. If he doesn’t want to attend because she wouldn’t be welcomed then screw him. That decision would lead m to believe that it was all about him and not about your wedding. Let the Dad know that she is not welcome and if he causes a fuss then he’s an asshole. But cross that bridge when you get to it.

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