Tag Archives: Advice

04/01/2017
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Advice, Uncategorized

“Jaw With John” – Your Husband Said What Now?

“My husband of more than 30 years has erectile dysfunction. When I was overweight I was happy enough not to have relations with him. Now I’ve got control of my health and would like to step it up in the bedroom.

He suggests, regularly, that I seek another partner. Besides being hurt by these requests, I’m fine waiting for him. Now he says that if he knew I was seeing someone else, he would not have to take pills because he’d be aroused at the thought.

I’m stunned and confused. He’s never been into porn. I don’t know where this is coming from. What should I do? — It Got Complicated”

Dear Complicated,

Uh, what?

I’m sure that you’ve been down the E.D. pill road and maybe he doesn’t want to do that and if you haven’t then that’s something you can try.

Final thought here because I’m a little limp with how to resolve this (see what I did there?): Role Play. Use that knowledge and try to drum up a lil sexual excitement!

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02/01/2017
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“Jaw With John” – Girlfriend’s Strength Has Got Him Pinned

“I’m an average guy, fitness-wise. My girlfriend, always naturally sporty, has been at the gym for a year. Our fitness paths collided when I was enjoying a coffee with her and her training partner at home.

On prompting by her trainer, my girlfriend flexed and her bicep popped up so high my eyes bulged. Her partner then prodded me to flex. I didn’t want to, as I knew my muscle wasn’t as developed. The partner felt both our flexed arms and declared mine softer. She then pushed us to arm wrestle.

I am 3 inches taller than she and I am a man, so I thought I should win. Anyway, after two times on the right and once on the left, I ended up with the back of my hand securely pinned down to the table — to their extreme delight. I feel extremely embarrassed.

This has changed the dynamics in our relationship. She will now teasingly flex when she wants something. And she enjoys challenging me in public. I have now been defeated in arm wrestling in front of her parents and a group of her girlfriends. It’s hard to adjust.

— Outmuscled”

Dear Outmuscled,

There’s a part of me that wants to tell you “Get over it and laugh it off” because physical strength isn’t everything. But you seem to believe that you have been stripped of your masculinity because of this situation. That sucks.

I’m comparing apples to oranges here, but if a girl beat me I’d shrug it off and go “Damn! She’s strong!” and yeah, I do know some very strong women – one of them plays semi-professional football so she’s tough. But … that’s me. Back to you.

Your girlfriend is proud of her strength and she likes to flex her muscles, pun intended. But it comes at a cost, and that cost is you. Tell her that you find it embarrassing, demeaning and that you would not be subjecting her to the same treatment if the roles were reversed (at least, I hope you wouldn’t) and go from there. Or you could hit the gym yourself and give her a taste of her own medicine…better to go with the first option.

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02/01/2017
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“Jaw With John” – A Little Pastoral Cleansing

“My husband and I have been married for six years. He is a Christian, and is active in his church. I am an atheist. While he tries to convert me on occasion, we have no problems with our religious differences. In fact, the conversations we have are some of the highlights of our marriage.

My husband is not a tidy man. He rarely does any cleaning, but will help with the dishes or laundry sometimes, and that’s good enough for me. The one area that I have (slightly) nagged him about over the years is his car. I usually end up waiting for his car to get really bad, then go and clean it out myself, or pay to have it detailed while he is at work.

I regularly ask him to clean out his car, but in six long years, he has never done it. Until yesterday. Yesterday, he suddenly spent two hours cleaning out his car. I was thrilled! Then, he told me why he cleaned out his car.

Apparently, his pastor had needed a ride somewhere. After the ride in my husband’s car, the pastor gave my husband some great advice: Clean out your car. And he immediately did it.

I am happy that my husband finally cleaned his own car. But I’m a little upset that after six years of me asking him to perform this small task, he listened to his pastor and not to me.

Am I looking a gift horse in the mouth, or am I right to feel a bit slighted?

— Bent Out Of Shape”

Dear Bent Out of Shape,

Let me answer your question/story with a story of my own.

As a teenager, high school age to be exact, my room wasn’t exactly the cleanest. There would be dirty running clothes, textbooks, and stuff in general strewn all around the room. Up until this point in my life I would rely on my mom to take of these things for me. I mean, she had done so my entire life so why stop now?

Then one day she stopped (Probably to teach me a lesson in cleaning up). The dirty clothes began to pile up and I said “Damn! My room stinks!” and “This place is a mess!”, so I tidied up and started taking care of business from that point on.

The point I’m trying to make is that had you just left the mess for your husband to deal with then he would’ve figured out that he needed to clean out his car. Instead, he had you do it for him under the “cover of darkness”, if you will, and he had is “divine intervention” by an actual pastor who noticed his mess instead of experiencing his own epiphany.

Don’t feel slighted. He just never knew how bad his dirty, filthy car could get.

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23/03/2016
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Advice

I’m Back: “Jaw With John” – NYC If Your Houseguest Friend Can Find Their Manners

“I’ve had a dear friend for about 25 years — since we were toddlers.

We live in separate states with separate lives, and while we’re not incredibly close, we’ve managed to keep a friendship going.

I live in New York City and am lucky enough to have a spare bedroom in the apartment I share with my boyfriend.

My friend’s job allows him flight benefits, which he often uses to visit me for a few days once or twice a year. We usually have a great time hanging out and catching up.

Recently he invited himself and a new girlfriend to stay with us. I thought this was kind of rude but decided to overlook it. They stayed for four days, barely making time to see me at all, as he was showing her around the city.

We had one dinner together, which they did not offer to pay for, and drinks afterward, which they also did not offer to pay for.

They brought no host gift, didn’t clean up after themselves and left early in the morning to catch a flight home without saying goodbye. I waited a few weeks for a thank-you card or email, but never received one.

I never expected these things when he was casually visiting, but I feel like this situation is much different.

Lifelong friendship aside, the amount of money we saved them from having to spend on a hotel room in NYC for four days seems enough to warrant a small gift or round of drinks, or even a thank-you note. Do I have the right to be upset? And if so, how do I handle the situation going forward? — Offended Friend”

Dear Offended:

Your friend needs to learn some manners.

It is common courtesy to ask if a second houseguest is permitted and on top of that at least offer to pay for dinner and/or drinks. Even if you were going to turn them down, simply making the gesture can be enough.

As for the “no host gift”, meh, I don’t see this as a real problem. I’ve stayed with dozens of friends in multiple cities, and even countries, and I never brought a host gift. What I did do was clean up after myself, make time to do things with my host/hostess, pay for things every once in a while, and leave a note or send a note thanking them afterwards.

You have every right to be upset. They used you as free housing in one of the premier travel destinations in the world. That just sucks. He can’t just drop in whenever he wants with whomever he wants.

Going forward, you need to tell him that his last visit left a bad taste in your mouth and see how you two can move on from there.

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12/10/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Wife Has A Funny View On Being Unfaithful

“My wife of 10 years dropped a bomb on me last night. She told me that she’s interested in having sexual relations with a female friend of hers. She is seeking my approval.

She feels that doing this with someone of the same sex doesn’t constitute being unfaithful. I don’t know if I’m being overly conservative here but I strongly disagree.

I’ve known she was curious for a little while now but I was totally not expecting this.

We have two young children and I’m very worried that her curiosity might put our family at risk. We had a long discussion last night but it seems she’s already made up her mind and won’t reason with me.

Is there anything I could say that would convince her otherwise?

I’m eager for your take on this. — Scared Dad”

Dear Scared:

Your wife seems to have a funny view of infidelity. By her reasoning, Luke’s Dad on The O.C. wasn’t being unfaithful because it was with another man. Fuzzy logic.

She seems pretty determined and there are no words I can put together that would help you convince her otherwise.

The smart ass in me is suggesting you tell her that since you are not attracted to other men that you would like to be with another woman if she gets to. That would definitely rile her up and maybe expose her to the idea that this is truly dumb and sophomoric.

The realist in me says to seek counseling and explore these thoughts and desires with a professional and maybe then she will see the error in her thinking.

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