“Oh, that letter from “Torn” made me crazy!
The birthday boy who wants to exclude Torn’s wife from a party is the same kid who in grade school invited the whole class to his party except for a few of the heartbroken kids. Mean kids grow up to be mean adults. — Inclusive”
Dear Inclusive:
Yup. Some people are dicks for their entire lives.
“I have four young children. The oldest (twins) just started school.
We know some people who cannot vaccinate their children for health reasons. But we also know of others who choose not to vaccinate their children.
We are all about being inclusive and we love to entertain other children, but I don’t want parents to bring their kids to our house if they have chosen not to vaccinate. Children who can’t be vaccinated for health reasons are welcome.
As a registered nurse who works with young babies I feel very strongly about this. I have seen the tragic results of children contracting preventable diseases.
To be honest, I don’t know if I want my kids to associate with the children of parents who “think they know better.”
I thought about putting a note to parents on invitations asking children who have not been vaccinated by choice to please not attend, but I don’t know if that is appropriate and can’t figure out the wording.
Is it OK to post this warning on invitations? — Pro-Vax RN”
Dear Pro-Vax:
I’ll get this out of the way now: I’m a pro-vax guy like yourself. I don’t see why these anti-vaxxers think that they know any better than doctors or modern medicine. They are LITERALLY putting their child at more risk by not getting them vaccinated. But hey, that’s their decision – a dumb one.
You can’t send out an invitation saying “Come to my party! ……… Unless you’re not vaccinated because of personal reasons.” You can’t do it. It’s not only rude, but an invasion of privacy. You’re not a school requiring a medical history for admission. You’re a birthday party.
In all honesty, it doesn’t sound like this party will happen. You want to be all inclusive, but you set up these barriers to keep some out. I don’t think you know what “all inclusive” means.
“My best friend has a special birthday coming up. He has invited friends to a special dinner. This invitation includes myself, other individuals and some couples. Some are people I know, and some are not.
My dilemma is that he did not invite my partner. My partner has known him and his wife as long as I have. Other couples on the guest list include people with whom we have all socialized many times.
Initially I thought her name was left off by mistake, so I called him. He explained that there was no mistake; he was inviting only people with whom he felt especially close. He said he did not include her in that category. He said there were also some other couples where he had only invited one of the partners.
My partner was devastated by being left out and I feel in a terrible quandary about whether to attend. On one hand I respect and like him so much I feel honored to be invited at all, but on the other I feel my partner’s pain and I am also hurt that she was left out.
I feel torn two ways — but I am leaning toward not attending.
Can you offer any advice to me and comment on the propriety, or lack of it, in this situation? — Torn”
Dear Torn:
Your friend is kind of an asshole.
He’s picking and choosing members of couples who he wants at his party. You said he’s known the both of you for a long time and yet he wants to include only you in the celebration? That doesn’t sound like much of a friendship. It sounds like he only truly values one of you and that’s not cool.
I think you need to decline the invitation and do something with your partner on that day instead. If, when you tell him, he changes his tune and decides that you can bring your partner along, still decline. Let him know that his selfish ways aren’t tolerated.
John Kidde Writes 