Tag Archives: dating

17/08/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Call Him, Maybe?

“My boyfriend and I are leaving soon to go to different colleges. Our universities are three hours away from each other.

The thing is — I am scared!

I trust him, but he cannot communicate well. I know it sounds childish but when he takes a really long time to answer texts, I worry about how a long-distance relationship will work.

Sometimes he takes hours to text me back, unless I end my text with a question mark.

I love him and he loves me. We have talked about our future and I can see having a future with him, but what should I do?

I do not want to be upset and I do not want to break up, but if he never listens to how serious I am when it comes to communication, do you think I should move on?

Please help me. — College Girl”

Dear College Girl:

Here’s a novel idea: CALL HIM!! I know it’s generally frowned upon by today’s youth, but that’s what those machines were originally built for … if you didn’t know.

Or, since you already know how to get a response from him, you could just end every single text with a question mark. Thus prompting him to respond. But he doesn’t seem that dumb to need a question mark to respond quickly since he’s bound to have responded to other messages without that punctuation. Or is he…?

In any event, long-distance relationships rarely work out – especially when it comes to college. Even though you are a mere three hours away it will feel like a lifetime. If it’s this hard to get him to respond when you are still in the same zip code, then imagine that compounded with the challenges of college and whatever else life brings. Instead of hours, you could be waiting days for a response. And that’s no bueno.

I’m not telling you to break things off with him over a few delayed text responses, but, college is tough enough without having to worry about a boy who doesn’t respond in a timely manner. So, like I said: CALL HIM! And if that doesn’t work, give him a taste of his own medicine and delay responding to him, but make sure you turn off the “read receipt” before you do.

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15/08/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – A Ride Home? Or Someplace Else???

“My partner and I have been dating for a year. We’re in love, but over time the frequency and irrationality of his jealousy seem to have increased — or so I think.

Yesterday after work (I’m a substitute teacher) a male co-worker I had just met offered me a lift home — over an hour away. I naively thought it was a friendly gesture. Quite soon into the ride he suggested we stop for a drink. I quickly asserted that I am in a committed relationship with a fabulous guy.

At the end of the journey he insisted I take his phone number and, not wanting to be rude, I obliged. I had no intention of contacting him.

As soon as I saw my partner I told him the whole thing because it was so awkward. Out of left field he went into a jealous rage. He insisted I had not considered his feelings and accused me of not putting him first because I didn’t call and tell him who I was with as soon as I got into the car.

I told him he was being overly jealous and has no reason not to trust me. He insists it’s my responsibility to reassure him, since he assumes the worst.

Is my partner justified in his anger? Was I wrong to accept a lift and neglect to call him?

I love him dearly and want us to work, but not at the expense of my sanity.

Am I completely crazy? — Stressed Partner”

Dear Stressed:

Your partner is highly possessive of you. That’s a bad sign. If he flips out over a ride home – which you immediately told him about when you got home because it was so awkward – then maybe you need to think about if you should be with him long term.

You weren’t wrong to accept the ride since you needed one, but a simple text of “Hey Jason, I’m getting a ride home with Brad who teaches at the school here. I’ll see you in a bit!” would’ve sufficed. Remember that for next time. Your partner should be mad at your co-worker since you told him you were in a relationship and yet he still gave you his number. That’s shady.

 

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11/08/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Put Your Behind In The Past

“I dated a guy on and off for eight years. After finally breaking things off with him, I have been single now for the last three years.

I have not been on a date for the whole three years that I have been single. I am an attractive woman, but I can’t seem to attract any man since I broke up with my last boyfriend. I also have trust issues I cannot seem to shake off. Please help me control my past. — Wondering Single”

Dear Wondering:

“You got to put your behind in the past.” – Pumba

I can’t help you control your past. You need to learn from what happened and move forward. That’s the only way you’ll find someone.

Let me tell you that there’s never been a worse time to be single than right now. Honestly. First of all there are bars and places where you could traditionally meet people that are generally a nightmare and filled with the people with whom you don’t want to have a relationship. Then there are the dating sites and apps that make it easier to find people who don’t like to go to those bars. They will share your common interests but some people just want to chat and never want to meet up. Others will only want friendship from you, leading you on making you believe that you have something special.

It sucks. It truly, utterly sucks.

If there is a silver lining then it is that there are success stories out there. You just need to try other places to meet people.

Ultimately, be confident in yourself and you will attract that guy. Forget all that negativity I just spewed out as I was partially venting my own frustrations and exude confidence. You’ll be set if you do.

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07/07/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Girlfriend Has Marked Her Territory

“I have recently found myself in a sticky situation with my boyfriend. We met six months ago through a mutual (female) friend. This person is my roommate — and my boyfriend’s best friend.

From the beginning I was proactive about not putting her in the middle of our relationship because I didn’t want to harm any of our friendships.

I had suspicions that they were conversing about our relationship, even though he has told me that he doesn’t tell her things about us.

I went snooping into his phone to satisfy my suspicions and found a mountain of texts about me between the two of them.

Most of the texts were harmless, but a few were alarming because of what he said about needing space from me. He said I’ve become too territorial.

When talking with him he denies wanting alone time and diminishes any fear of my being clingy.

Since I’ve gotten myself stuck between two very different opinions, what do I do? Should I let it go and hope he’s honest with me, or confront his dishonesty?

— Sadly Stuck”

Dear Stuck:

The very fact that you were snooping implies that you are territorial. So you lose that battle. Sidebar: Doesn’t anyone lock their phone anymore?!? How does this keep happening to people? Someone can easily open their phone, read their messages and/or emails…what?!?

Relationships are personal and you want to keep it as such. Your boyfriend obviously needed someone to vent to and tell things that might’ve been bothering him at the time. Maybe they’re not bothering him anymore, or else words would have been exchanged. He clearly values this friends opinion and wanted to share his thoughts with someone he has known a long time AND lives with his girlfriend. Because she has insight into your mind as not only your friend but as a roommate too.

In the grand scheme of things, did he say anything that was defamatory? Since you’re focusing on him saying that he needs some space, I am going to to go ahead and assume that the answer is “No.” If that’s the case then you can take a step back and examine your relationship and see if you are being clingy and territorial (because it sounds like you are).

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04/05/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Don’t Believe In Any Of This Fate Crap

“‘Bart’ and I dated in high school. After graduation we went our separate ways. We each married and had children. Eventually we both got divorced and started to date each other again.

A couple of years later we lost contact because we moved to different states. He got married again and it did not work out so he divorced. We did not see each other for two more years.

A couple of months ago we searched for each other and finally met up again. We are both 54 years old.

I am still single but he is seeing a girl on and off. He said she was there for him when he was going through his nasty divorce.

This other girl is separated from her husband (but not divorced). It is now three times that he and I lost contact and were able to find each other again.

Now we are back in each other’s arms. I told him I want someone who is not seeing anyone else. He said he is not going to marry this girl or even live with her, but he can’t just walk away. Now he is seeing both of us.

I want to call it a day and walk away but he said we are destined to be together. I can’t get him off my mind.

Please tell me what to do! — Helpless”

Dear Helpless:

If this were a John Cusack movie I would tell you that this is destiny. But it’s not. This is real life. And in real life there is no destiny, only coincidences.

Didn’t you watch The Matrix?

You’re in control of your own life and not some mystical force. Bart is on his own path as well and you need to let him go. Call it a day. Don’t be the “Other Woman” here and live your life.

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