“I have recently found myself in a sticky situation with my boyfriend. We met six months ago through a mutual (female) friend. This person is my roommate — and my boyfriend’s best friend.
From the beginning I was proactive about not putting her in the middle of our relationship because I didn’t want to harm any of our friendships.
I had suspicions that they were conversing about our relationship, even though he has told me that he doesn’t tell her things about us.
I went snooping into his phone to satisfy my suspicions and found a mountain of texts about me between the two of them.
Most of the texts were harmless, but a few were alarming because of what he said about needing space from me. He said I’ve become too territorial.
When talking with him he denies wanting alone time and diminishes any fear of my being clingy.
Since I’ve gotten myself stuck between two very different opinions, what do I do? Should I let it go and hope he’s honest with me, or confront his dishonesty?
— Sadly Stuck”
Dear Stuck:
The very fact that you were snooping implies that you are territorial. So you lose that battle. Sidebar: Doesn’t anyone lock their phone anymore?!? How does this keep happening to people? Someone can easily open their phone, read their messages and/or emails…what?!?
Relationships are personal and you want to keep it as such. Your boyfriend obviously needed someone to vent to and tell things that might’ve been bothering him at the time. Maybe they’re not bothering him anymore, or else words would have been exchanged. He clearly values this friends opinion and wanted to share his thoughts with someone he has known a long time AND lives with his girlfriend. Because she has insight into your mind as not only your friend but as a roommate too.
In the grand scheme of things, did he say anything that was defamatory? Since you’re focusing on him saying that he needs some space, I am going to to go ahead and assume that the answer is “No.” If that’s the case then you can take a step back and examine your relationship and see if you are being clingy and territorial (because it sounds like you are).
John Kidde Writes 