Tag Archives: JWJ

12/09/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Waterfront Property Attracts Kids, Don’t Tell Jared

“We have a vacation home where we go sometimes on the weekends. Our neighbors seem to view our place as a public kids’ camp. More than any other place, we seem to be a magnet for their unsupervised kids! We regularly end up with other kids in our water, playing with our toys, even asking us for refreshments or running through our house. I’ll admit it is a little flattering to be viewed as fun, but we really need some boundaries.

One time a parent asked if her child could play with ours. When we responded “of course” and assumed she would stay to observe, she proceeded to leave her child with us while she went out for the afternoon!

But often it’s just the kids who run over to our place on their own. We don’t know if their parents know where they are. Honestly we don’t understand the attraction because we offer nothing more than what they already have at their own place, except perhaps parental supervision! We’ve even tried to say, “we need some family time now,” only to have them sit on the edge of the property and stare and wait to rejoin us.

With the increased volume, the focused attention required with kids around water and the extra clean up, by the end of the day it’s all so exhausting! How do we put a stop to being viewed as free daycare, free lifeguarding and free entertainment while not straining those relationships? — Exhausted from “Relaxing””

Dear Exhausted:

Let me clear something up right now, it’s not your water because you don’t own it. You own the coastline and if you have a dock then that’s yours too but you don’t own the water.

The parent who left their child with you is clearly irresponsible and when you saw them again you should’ve said “When you asked to have your child over, we assumed you were going to be watching over him/her. Next time, he/she isn’t allowed unless you’re present. We’re not running a daycare center…unless you want to pay us.”

To combat this you could put up a fence. That’s the most dramatic response but I don’t think you want that. You sound like you enjoy their company, to an extent. That’s why you need to meet their parents and see if they have their and your your permission to play on your property. But it’s ultimately up to you to approve and be vigilant. If one or multiple kids show up you’ll need to call their parents and see if they know where they are and if you will allow them to play.

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12/09/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – An Adult Making Fun Of A Child, Real Classy

“My father’s longtime partner of over 30 years, “Vivian,” has started to make mean remarks to my 3-year-old son. For instance, she makes fun of his speech (he cannot pronounce “L” and “S” yet).

She will imitate him in a mean voice and then laugh. She has never been mean to my older daughter or to me, so this has really caught me off guard. In the moment I’m so at a loss for words and emotional that I don’t respond, which may be for the best, since my children are present.

Now I am angry. I don’t know if I should refuse to let my children around her. My father is non-confrontational and will not get involved.

Should I sit down with her and tell her that her behavior is unacceptable (which I doubt will go well), or is it best to let this go? — Angry Mom”

Dear Angry:

Vivian sounds like a real piece of work. Making fun of children, like super young children, and laughing about it, is not tolerated. She sounds like she doesn’t know any better, which sounds impossible but it happens. You need to sit her down and tell her that her behavior is unacceptable. He’s a child!

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10/09/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Partner Left Out of B-Day Celebration

“My best friend has a special birthday coming up. He has invited friends to a special dinner. This invitation includes myself, other individuals and some couples. Some are people I know, and some are not.

My dilemma is that he did not invite my partner. My partner has known him and his wife as long as I have. Other couples on the guest list include people with whom we have all socialized many times.

Initially I thought her name was left off by mistake, so I called him. He explained that there was no mistake; he was inviting only people with whom he felt especially close. He said he did not include her in that category. He said there were also some other couples where he had only invited one of the partners.

My partner was devastated by being left out and I feel in a terrible quandary about whether to attend. On one hand I respect and like him so much I feel honored to be invited at all, but on the other I feel my partner’s pain and I am also hurt that she was left out.

I feel torn two ways — but I am leaning toward not attending.

Can you offer any advice to me and comment on the propriety, or lack of it, in this situation? — Torn”

Dear Torn:

Your friend is kind of an asshole.

He’s picking and choosing members of couples who he wants at his party. You said he’s known the both of you for a long time and yet he wants to include only you in the celebration? That doesn’t sound like much of a friendship. It sounds like he only truly values one of you and that’s not cool.

I think you need to decline the invitation and do something with your partner on that day instead. If, when you tell him, he changes his tune and decides that you can bring your partner along, still decline. Let him know that his selfish ways aren’t tolerated.

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10/09/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Kids Want To Live In Filth, Let ‘Em!

“My husband and I disagree and I am hoping you can be the tie breaker.

We have two teenagers, ages 15 and 17. I have always felt that they should tidy their rooms and make their beds. My husband disagrees and thinks they should do what they want in their own rooms, so I only ask that they pick things up off the floor once every two weeks so I can vacuum.

After 10 years of this, their rooms are filled with trash and food wrappers, old school papers, clothes that no longer fit, old books and various gadgets, toys, art supplies, the occasional dirty dish, etc.

I ask them to clean out closets. They make a half-hearted attempt and then ignore me. My husband says just let it be, and so I do.

The new school year is upon us and they want more things. More clothes, more school supplies, etc. They have difficulty locating the things they already own!

Would it be unfair of me to give them a deadline to clean out their rooms, and if they do not clean out by then, I will go in and do it for them?

I know they are busy kids, so I don’t mind doing it. But my husband says that they should live in the trash if they want to and if I clean out their rooms, I am invading their privacy.

Do you agree? — Frustrated and Tidy”

Dear Tidy:

No no no no no no no! Do not let them get off that easy. If they fail to clean their rooms you are not responsible for them not getting new things for school. By cleaning their rooms you are setting a precedent that says “Hey, if we wait long enough Mom will end up doing this for us!” You can’t have that.

Here’s the thing: both you and your husband are right. You’re right in wanting them to live in a clean environment and he’s right for wanting them to live in their filth and deal with it themselves. You need to find a balance of your two ideals. The only thing that I think needs to be taken care of immediately is the food wrappers. That’s disgusting.

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09/09/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Are You Barking Mad?

“My wife and I will soon be first-time grandparents, because our son and his wife are expecting. The problem is their dog.

When they met, his then-girlfriend had a “rescue” dog. As far as I can tell, this dog is vicious and completely out of control.

My son has been bitten at least twice, and the only times I have ever gotten close to the dog it attacked me. When company comes over, the dog is locked in the garage.

Our concern is what happens when they bring the baby home. “Oh, she’s just territorial” is the excuse we hear. Territorial? Wait until a new pet human shows up.

They have several nieces, ranging in age from 1 to 6. We live several states away. Would it be reasonable to ask for photos of the dog playing with the nieces as proof that this dog is safe with children?

We’ve also considered calling the other grandparents, but everyone spends all their energy keeping my son’s wife as happy as she can be.

We have talked about calling child welfare if it appears they plan to let the new baby and the dog live in the same house.

If we do that it would certainly destroy any future relationship, but someone has to have some sense. — Grandparent Prepared to Call CPS”

Dear Grandparent:

You sound like a cat person.

Is “it reasonable to ask for photos of the dog playing with the nieces as proof that this dog is safe with children?” No. It’s entirely unreasonable. They don’t have to show you anything. Just because the dog doesn’t interact well with you doesn’t mean it doesn’t with others. Dogs can be picky. And as a rescue dog, they need more time to adjust to their new surroundings because they may only known a certain, awful, way of life.

What right do you have to call child protective services if they let the dog and baby live in the same house? None. It’s their dog and their baby. They will deal with it on their own terms. Any action you take regarding CPS will only hurt your relationship with you son and daughter-in-law.

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