Tag Archives: Mom

22/08/2015
Leave a comment
Advice

“Jaw With John” – Clothing Not Always Optional

“I’m a godmother to a wonderful 7-year-old girl. Her mother is my best friend of 20 years. She is an excellent mom. I do not have any children.

Recently the three of us and a group of girlfriends celebrated a “ladies weekend getaway.”

When we got to our destination, I overheard my goddaughter ask her mom if she was going to “get drunk.” My heart broke a little.

Later I was getting ready to join everybody in the pool, when the child came running to me, hysterically crying that her “mama was taking her clothes off.”

I peeked out the window and sure enough her mom was topless. Honestly, it’s not that big a deal among the adults, and not so much out of character for my best friend, but her daughter was freaked out. I told her that Mom was being silly and that she should talk to her about her worries. She said she couldn’t because she would get in trouble. She didn’t want to return to the pool and so I stayed inside with her.

Her mother came in about 20 minutes later. She told her daughter she was disappointed in her and that nude bodies were nothing to be ashamed of. (What was upsetting to the girl was seeing her mom drunk, removing her swimsuit and behaving foolishly.)

I chimed in (bad idea?), saying I couldn’t stand seeing this young girl be silenced about something that was bothering her.

My best friend said, “I’m trying to teach her that nudity is not shameful. She’s very dramatic and freaks out about everything.” I replied, “You should have an internal barometer about what’s minor and major in regards to her ‘freak-outs.’ “

She basically told me when I have kids of my own and am a perfect mother I should talk to her then.

I understand this logic, but I felt like I had a responsibility to my goddaughter.

Did I overreact? Did I do the right thing? What do you think? — Godmother”

Dear Godmother:

If this is how she behaves around her own daughter – drunk and partially nude – then I don’t think she’s an “excellent mom”. She can set a better example regarding nudity without being drunk THEN maybe her message will get across. Right now there is a huge negative connotation with it.

You were right to chime in and speak up for the child because she felt afraid to do so.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,
09/03/2015
Leave a comment
Advice

“Jaw With John” – No Need To Stand & Deliver, Teach

“I am an inner-city high school teacher. The high poverty rate makes the job very challenging and stressful. We are all working long hours.

This year I am dealing with a colleague in her early 40s, single, who readily admits her life outside of work is dull. She has half the number of students I do.

For Christmas she gave all her students a small gift bag with treats. She has nicknames for all of them. She has driven them to practice when they missed the bus. She feeds them breakfast and gives them snacks for having a good day in class.

When speaking with a parent, it is always positive — even if the student is failing multiple classes or has disruptive behavior.

The students love her and call her “Mom.”

Students have asked why I don’t buy or give them things. These are 14-year-olds. Even though I recognize their developmental stage, it is difficult now to enjoy my work when I am always being compared to “Mom.”

How should I deal with this? — Stressed Teacher”

Dear Stressed:

At my Primary School each grade up until Middle School was split in two. There would be 20 or so kids per teacher. In 4th grade I was put into a classroom with a no nonsense teacher, Mrs. Wilson, who taught us well but at times lacked that sweetness. She was tough but fair. Next door was a teacher who was all sunshine and rainbows. She would play her piano and we could hear the class singing through the walls. Every time this would happen I would roll my eyes because I found it unnecessary (clearly, I had established my sarcastic, smart-ass attitude early on). I mean, how many times can you play Heart & Soul before it’s too much?

I always wondered what Mrs. Wilson thought of the teacher next door. If she wanted that adoration those students showed her. Or if she even liked the other teacher enough to care what she did. I like to think that we were on the same page and rolled our eyes simultaneously. She didn’t care for the other teacher’s teaching style/attitude because she knew how to get through to us and teach us what we needed to know without overstepping the boundaries.

You need to do the same.

Be the teacher you are and don’t concern yourself with what “Mom” is doing.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
06/03/2015
Leave a comment
Advice

“Jaw With John” – Doting Mother Dotes All Day And Night

“My significant other was talked into getting a cellphone by her adult children. We do not live together, but I do spend most evenings with her and I spend the night on the weekends.

Every evening between 6 and 7 a particular daughter feels the need to call, and I end up sitting at the kitchen table eating supper by myself. I can expect calls on the weekend at around 2 in the morning from one of her intoxicated kids requesting a ride.

I told her these calls were disrespectful to me and unless they were of an emergency nature they could be taken after I left. She initially agreed but now she’s back to taking the calls. Should I not have more value than a cellphone? — Miffed”

Dear Miffed:

It’s called dinner, not supper. C’mon man.

Have you ever tried not eating between 6 and 7 to avoid this daughter calling during dinner? That would LITERALLY get rid of this problem entirely.

Has this drunk child not heard of Lyft, Uber or a regular old taxi? Would you rather that child drive home drunk? I’m sure you’d rather him or her drink in moderation but that clearly isn’t their endgame.

Her kids, obviously, come before you and this won’t change. She is being nice and giving them a ride when they need one and listening to them when they call. It’s called being a Mom. This is something that you will either accept or it will be a deal-breaker. Just don’t call and tell her. That’s reserved for her kids.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
25/02/2015
Leave a comment
Advice

“Jaw With John” – Teenagers Scare The Living Shit Out Of Me

“My middle daughter (I have three children) is 18 years old and a senior in high school. She has been a challenge to me, as she has always been very private about her emotions and what is going on in her daily life.

Over the last several months, I have noticed her withdrawing from friends and activities, and spending large amounts of time in her room watching movies on her computer. She will not talk to me and in fact gave me a 10-day silent treatment when she was caught trying to skip classes. (I turned her in when I learned she had falsified an email from me to get out of going to class.)

She occasionally talks to her dad, but when he has expressed concern about her apparent depression, she just says she is sad and doesn’t see the point in reliving the problems with a therapist, as they will just make her feel bad all over again. She is refusing this option.

She still goes to school, makes good grades, goes to a part-time job, and is now shopping for a prom dress — so she is not entirely hopeless in her outlook. However, she wants to attend college out of state, and I am concerned about the effect of such a transition on her mental status. I tried to talk to her pediatrician, but there can be no discussion without my daughter’s consent, because she is 18. My daughter won’t give the OK.

Any ideas? — Mom who Cares”

Dear Mom:

You’ve given her enough space to let her try and work things out on her own but that clearly hasn’t worked. It’s now time to get positively involved and see what is at the root of this funk. Part of this might be the dreaded “Middle Child Syndrome” where your daughter feels as if she has been mistreated since she is smack dab in the middle of the first child and the “baby” in the family.

Maybe that transition into college is exactly what she needs. She could find the support and guidance she needs in a new place because there isn’t that fear that Mom & Dad are lingering and she can finally be her own woman. But if that doesn’t seem worth the risk, then you need to sit her down and talk with her. Not to her. Listen and respond. Don’t try and force her do anything she doesn’t want to because that could drive her further away. If talking with her doesn’t work then you should seek a professional with whom you can talk to and get some actual insight into your daughter’s life and how to proceed.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
20/01/2015
Leave a comment
Advice

“Jaw With John” – Daddy Needs To Take A Step Back

“My husband and I have been married for six years. We have a 3-year-old daughter. We both work full time.

Lately I have been feeling like we never make time for mommy and daddy time. I would love a date night, but my husband is always making me feel bad when I ask someone to watch our daughter and when we do go out he says how much he misses her. Is it wrong to want a night alone with my hubby?

–Mommy Who Needs Daddy Time”

Dear Mommy:

You definitely need some time alone.

You don’t want her to grow up and be a “Daddy’s Girl”. You know, one of those annoying girls who calls her father “Daddy” long after it’s appropriate (basically once she hits double digits). Those girls are undateable and annoying, but I said that already. Or, she’ll resent her father and harbor ill feelings toward him and her treatment of her and then end up using her body as a weapon by joining the world of adult film. Those girls can be successful but it depends on the angle…and their plastic surgeon.

It’s a tricky tightrope to walk but if he doesn’t walk it then one of those two things will happen. I guarantee it…sort of.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Newer posts →