John Kidde Writes

“Our daughter has been married for 10 years to a wonderful guy. They’re great parents. So what’s our problem?

Well, our son-in-law has a college education and a very good job with one of the best firms in our area.

He has applied for a promotion four times in the past 14 months and has been turned down every time. He is frustrated and unhappy about this.

We (of course) cannot be there at his job and see his eight years of performance (which seem to be very good). But we can see that he takes his job very lightly. He dresses extremely casually every day — T-shirts with no collar, ill-fitting jeans, etc.

Last fall, he attended an out-of-town conference and took off one full day to lie by the hotel pool and “relax.” Unfortunately he chose to post this on social media. He has talked to other employees against the company line. His grammar is often incorrect and his manners can be sloppy.

He is a truly fine man with a good heart but doesn’t seem to project this at work.

There is absolutely no way we can discuss this with him. We are hoping he would recognize himself if he saw this in your column. It is hard to sit by and watch his upset and unhappiness at promotion time. — Concerned In-Laws”

Dear Concerned:

Promotions are earned. They are not handed out because someone has been there long enough. At least that’s how it works at most companies.

I hate to be the one tell you this but I doubt he’s going to find this and read your plea for change and then have an epiphany because he realizes that he needs to change. Not going to happen.

Maybe it will take a 5th time failing to be promoted that he will recognize that a change in attitude is in order. But this isn’t your battle. It’s his.