Monthly Archives: March 2015

02/03/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Fiancee Needs To Know About Husband-To-Be

“I was dating someone on and off for five years. He broke up with me suddenly last summer but we have hooked up (sexually) since then.

I found out three weeks ago that he had been seeing someone else that entire time and that they became engaged just after he broke it off with me, which makes me a wholly blindsided “other woman.”

So he cheated on his girlfriend with me almost the entire time they were together and continued to cheat on her after they became engaged. He always maintained that he was single and that she was “just a friend.”

Needless to say, I am devastated. It has come to my attention that even though his parents know the truth, he has not told his fiancee about me.

I feel sick over the whole thing and I think it’s very important that she know the truth about whom she is marrying, as the wedding is fast approaching.

Is there some way for me to let her know what’s going on without looking like I’m some vindictive, crazy ex-girlfriend just looking for revenge?

If I were in her position I would want to know. I don’t know what to do. I bet I feel guiltier about it than he does!

Also, how do I get past this? I still can’t believe it has happened, and I can’t believe someone I cared about so much and trusted completely could have acted this way and kept it up for so long. — Bewildered in Baltimore”

Dear Bewildered:

There is no way to come out of this looking good. You can’t force other people to feel a certain way about you. It’s just not possible.

You definitely need to tell the fiancee who she is about to marry. You can’t text, email, or call her. You need to tell her face-to-face something like this: “I had been with your fiance off and on for the last few years. All the while he maintained that you were ‘just a friend’ and he led me to believe that he was still single.” How she reacts from there is beyond you. You would’ve let her know and what follows will be her responsibility.

As for yourself, take some “Me time” and cut him out of your life completely. Go to a spa or do whatever you need to make yourself feel good to move on from this guy.

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02/03/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Aunt Is A Regular Sue Storm

“In yesterday’s mail we received a birth announcement of a new great-nephew, addressed only to my husband.

Christmas cards, wedding announcements, birth announcements, thank-you cards — anything coming from his sister and her children all are addressed only to him.

The most mention I ever get is “and Family.” One wedding invitation actually came to “Uncle John and Family.” Our children are grown so presumably I’m the nameless “Family.”

I buy the presents and sign the cards and checks. There’s no animosity between us. I’ve known the kids since birth and they are all nice people. But each omission makes me feel, well, a bit unwanted.

I’m tempted to have only my husband sign the card that I bought before the announcement arrived. I want him to tell his sister that this makes me feel sad and left out. He doesn’t see it as an issue and thinks I should ignore it, but he also says that since it bothers me, I should tell her myself.

What’s your take? — The Invisible Aunt”

Dear Invisible:

Listen to your husband here and talk directly to his sister. I know what it’s like to be slighted, albeit in a different manner.

It was Christmas, the family was opening presents and we had decided to open gifts from a certain friend all at the same time. All the gifts were neatly and elegantly wrapped and there was a note saying that the gifts were all from a recent trip to Africa … except for me. I got a calendar. I looked around and said, to myself, There was nothing in Africa that could be for me? Not one thing? I moved on and now it’s a pretty decent joke I can tell. Your situation is different but similar.

You know you need to bring this to the attention of your brother’s sister otherwise it will continue. Being passive aggressive with the notes and gifts won’t solve anything. Ask your sister-in-law “What’s up?” because unlike my calendar, your feelings won’t go away after January 1st.

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02/03/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – BF Has A Been Busy

“My boyfriend and I have been together for 12 years and have a 9-year-old child.

My boyfriend has three kids from a previous relationship. His ex also had another child a few months younger than mine (from a one-night stand).

Naturally that child thinks my boyfriend is its father and calls him “Dad.”

My boyfriend and his family provide for this child financially just as they do for his biological children. No one has ever mentioned or explained this to the child.

I can’t help but resent my boyfriend for claiming this child, and he has also made it clear that he doesn’t want any more children because he has “five” already.

When is the appropriate time or age to tell this child the truth? Or am I being selfish, since my boyfriend is the only father the child knows? — Truth Hurts”

Dear Truth:

Your boyfriend will tell the child that he is “not the father”, as Maury would say, when he is ready and when he feels it is the right time for the child. He’s being supportive and helping provide for two families here and you’re hung up on this kid – who’s not his – calling him “Dad”. Grow up. Support your boyfriend. He’s trying to do the right thing.

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