Tag Archives: boyfriend

24/08/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Boyfriend Fell Into The Grindr

“Last weekend my boyfriend told me while we were showering that he was leaving me for a man he met on the male hookup app Grindr.

That man happens to be my neighbor. My boyfriend proceeded to move out that morning, and he keeps coming around, trying to be “friends.” I tried to be cordial at first, but then one night he tried kissing me and I pushed him away.

Now I just want to be left alone, but because he’s living with my neighbor, I see him almost every day in passing, and when I do, I feel hurt. I don’t want to have to hide in my home out of fear of seeing him. Do you have any suggestions on how I can cope with this new reality? It is one I’ve never experienced before. — Sad Ex-Boyfriend”

Dear Ex-Boyfriend:

Wow.

I’m literally staring at the blinking cursor wondering what to say to you.

You can’t be friends with him. You can’t. It’s much easier for the dumper to move on than the dumpee because they knew it was coming and planned it. You’re stuck with the aftermath of it all and need to find a way to move on.

Try changing your routine around so that he won’t know exactly when you’re around and vice versa. You also need friends in a time like this. Friends who will agree with you that he was an asshole, or however you feel. You’ll talk it out and hopefully find some way to move on.

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22/08/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – You’re A Little Late, I’m Already Torn

“There are two men in my life who have been playing ping-pong with me and my emotions for the past year or so.

I’ve known “David” for most of my life. For many years he said he was interested in me and talked about plans of marriage, children and taking care of me.

He never made a serious move until this past year, but he works odd hours and cancels plans on short notice to travel for work. Sometimes he disappears, leaving me in the dark as to what is going on.

For about a week we were officially “dating.” He labeled me his “girlfriend” on social media and soon after that he disappeared. He recently messaged me and said he wanted to get back together, but I’ve been dating “Jack.”

Jack and I have dated for a year but he shows a lack of interest in our relationship. He will tell me he is on his way home, and by morning he won’t be there and he won’t tell me why.

He’ll also go shopping and buy “special” items for himself and not think twice about our household.

When I brought up a plan for starting a healthier lifestyle, Jack treated it as a joke. I decided to break up with him. Then he started a fight with me and we both ended up saying things we didn’t mean.

My problem is I’m not sure which guy is good for me.

I’m not sure what to do now that my emotions are all over the place. I feel swamped with a big decision I don’t know how to make. — Torn”

Dear Torn:

There’s nothing where he used to lie
My conversation has run dry
That’s what’s going on
Nothing’s fine
I’m torn

Natalie Imbruglia, man. She gets you.

This answer is very very very very simple: None of them are good for you. Tell David and Jack to hit the bricks because you’re going to find yourself a new man!

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15/08/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – A Ride Home? Or Someplace Else???

“My partner and I have been dating for a year. We’re in love, but over time the frequency and irrationality of his jealousy seem to have increased — or so I think.

Yesterday after work (I’m a substitute teacher) a male co-worker I had just met offered me a lift home — over an hour away. I naively thought it was a friendly gesture. Quite soon into the ride he suggested we stop for a drink. I quickly asserted that I am in a committed relationship with a fabulous guy.

At the end of the journey he insisted I take his phone number and, not wanting to be rude, I obliged. I had no intention of contacting him.

As soon as I saw my partner I told him the whole thing because it was so awkward. Out of left field he went into a jealous rage. He insisted I had not considered his feelings and accused me of not putting him first because I didn’t call and tell him who I was with as soon as I got into the car.

I told him he was being overly jealous and has no reason not to trust me. He insists it’s my responsibility to reassure him, since he assumes the worst.

Is my partner justified in his anger? Was I wrong to accept a lift and neglect to call him?

I love him dearly and want us to work, but not at the expense of my sanity.

Am I completely crazy? — Stressed Partner”

Dear Stressed:

Your partner is highly possessive of you. That’s a bad sign. If he flips out over a ride home – which you immediately told him about when you got home because it was so awkward – then maybe you need to think about if you should be with him long term.

You weren’t wrong to accept the ride since you needed one, but a simple text of “Hey Jason, I’m getting a ride home with Brad who teaches at the school here. I’ll see you in a bit!” would’ve sufficed. Remember that for next time. Your partner should be mad at your co-worker since you told him you were in a relationship and yet he still gave you his number. That’s shady.

 

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11/08/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Couple Acts As One Not Two

“I recently went on a weekend getaway/retreat with several co-workers (not officially a work event). I was driving one of the cars, and I brought along a co-worker and her boyfriend.

The trip cost roughly $90 in gas. I would have expected each passenger (myself included) to contribute a third. But my co-worker offered only $45, saying, “There’s our half.”

I try to avoid pettiness, and don’t want to cause a rift with a co-worker over $15 — after all, it’s more about the principle than the money — but I also want to be more aware of what the rules are when splitting costs with a couple. — Not Cheap, Just Curious”

Dear Curious:

Lesson learned: you should have set up the details before you left on the trip.

You’re not going to get those $15 back. Let it go and learn from this experience.

BUT, I hate hate hate hate hate it when couples or groups try to do this sort of thing. They think of themselves at JeffAndAmy and not Jeff and Amy. They pay for things as a single entity because they are together. Leaving the third wheel to pay for him/herself. You end up paying more than your fair share or what you actually bought and are left wondering “WTF just happened?!” Establish payment structure up front next time and everything will be butter, aka smooth.

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07/07/2015
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Advice

“Jaw With John” – Girlfriend Has Marked Her Territory

“I have recently found myself in a sticky situation with my boyfriend. We met six months ago through a mutual (female) friend. This person is my roommate — and my boyfriend’s best friend.

From the beginning I was proactive about not putting her in the middle of our relationship because I didn’t want to harm any of our friendships.

I had suspicions that they were conversing about our relationship, even though he has told me that he doesn’t tell her things about us.

I went snooping into his phone to satisfy my suspicions and found a mountain of texts about me between the two of them.

Most of the texts were harmless, but a few were alarming because of what he said about needing space from me. He said I’ve become too territorial.

When talking with him he denies wanting alone time and diminishes any fear of my being clingy.

Since I’ve gotten myself stuck between two very different opinions, what do I do? Should I let it go and hope he’s honest with me, or confront his dishonesty?

— Sadly Stuck”

Dear Stuck:

The very fact that you were snooping implies that you are territorial. So you lose that battle. Sidebar: Doesn’t anyone lock their phone anymore?!? How does this keep happening to people? Someone can easily open their phone, read their messages and/or emails…what?!?

Relationships are personal and you want to keep it as such. Your boyfriend obviously needed someone to vent to and tell things that might’ve been bothering him at the time. Maybe they’re not bothering him anymore, or else words would have been exchanged. He clearly values this friends opinion and wanted to share his thoughts with someone he has known a long time AND lives with his girlfriend. Because she has insight into your mind as not only your friend but as a roommate too.

In the grand scheme of things, did he say anything that was defamatory? Since you’re focusing on him saying that he needs some space, I am going to to go ahead and assume that the answer is “No.” If that’s the case then you can take a step back and examine your relationship and see if you are being clingy and territorial (because it sounds like you are).

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